The Vaccine For Imposter Syndrome

The Real Cause of the “Found Out” Fear

I’ve quit making content in the past because I doubted my knowledge, my ability to communicate, and feared I’d make a mistake and be “found out.”

I continue to experience imposter syndrome, but here I am, writing, ironically about the very issue that would’ve prevented me slapping my fingertips atop my keyboard.

What is Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is the belief you are not as competent as others believe you to be, and the fear that the “truth” will eventually reveal itself.

Common signs of imposter syndrome:

• Self-doubt
• Lack of confidence and adequacy
• Perfectionism
• Overachieving
• Dwelling on the past
• Comparison to others
• Attributing your success to external factors
• Negative self-talk
• Feeling of “walking on eggshells”
• Fear you won’t live up to expectations

Imposter syndrome is most common in professional settings and intimate relationships.

When I worked at Starbucks, I wanted all my coworkers to believe I was the best supervisor and barista. If I made a mistake, I’d hide it or wouldn’t admit to it. I tried to finish tasks for the other supervisors to prove I could handle my work and theirs and to “help” them out so they’d like me and think I was the best at my job. I worked to the point of mere exhaustion almost every shift because I felt heavy pressure to uphold the image I built in my head and theirs.

In intimate relationships, I attempted to be perfect, mentally and emotionally. I wanted the people I was dating to believe I had it “figured out”, that life wasn’t messy or complicated for me. I wanted to be the perfect boyfriend so I read books and watched videos. I calculated all my behaviors based on the information I consumed to control my partners' perception of me so they wouldn’t leave me. I never felt at peace in any relationship because I felt like one mistake — one remark, action, or nonaction — would ruin their attraction towards me.

The Cause of Imposter Syndrome

After years (and years and years) of research, I realized the cause of imposter syndrome is self-judgment. And judgment is inescapable.

Our society holds unrealistic standards that we attempt to fulfill. We lose weight to look like the models on Instagram. We buy expensive clothes, jewelry, and cars to appear superior to others. We “hustle” and work harder than required to prove we can be successful.

We’re constantly comparing and judging ourselves to standards that aren’t adequate for the masses. If we happen to fall short, we’ll berate ourselves for it. If we happen to meet a standard or two, we’ll fear somebody will notice the ones we’ve unmet.

Society plays an important aspect in our self-critical inner voice, but the most impactful is our parents.

Our parents are the first people we encounter in this world. They set the foundation for what we believe about ourselves in relation to ourselves and others.

If your parents were disapproving, neglectful, or harsh, you’ll carry feelings of doubt and inadequacy in your personal and professional life.

My mom was a fantastic parent. She was extremely loving and caring and compassionate. But she, like many others, dealt with inner battles that affected her parenting abilities.

She at times was distracted, neglectful, and disconnected. I personalized her behaviors. I believed I was the reason she wasn’t giving me the attention I needed.

So I attempted to become “perfect” or “good” to get her affection. If I did succeed, I felt pressure to main this persona to get my needs met. Controlling perceptions and the fear of people seeing “cracks in the armor” bled into work and relationships.

Besides parents, caretakers, grandparents, siblings, and peers can infect your being with self-judgment in the form of reticule, teasing, and bullying.

How To Cure Imposter Syndrome

The only way to heal and combat our harsh, critical, and mean internal dialogue is to change its tone.

Realize what you believe to be “true” about yourself is actually a lie. Your thoughts and beliefs are outdated programs installed into your mind by the external factors we talked about previously.

We’re all human. We’re all the same. Anything I can do, you can do. My strengths and weakness may differ from yours but we both have them.

Now that we understand that that little voice in our head is that of Instagram models and our parents, we can take our power back and choose to speak to ourselves differently. This is where self-compassion comes handy.

Self-compassion is the act of being kind to yourself.

It accepts the self unconditionally.

It acknowledges faults, mistakes, and inadequacies but chooses to focus on the successes, accomplishments, and positive characteristics.

As a way of being, as a value and virtue, it always chooses kindness over cruelness.

Self-compassion isn’t affirmations. Affirmations don’t work because they attempt to fight “negative” thoughts. But thoughts are simply a bunch of letters and words thrown together to form sentences. In other words, their normal, human occurrences that we don’t need to fear or fight. We never want to fight our thoughts because they become another variable to judge ourselves by.

Because self-compassion is a way of being, it helps us change our relationship with ourselves. And communication is the most important aspect of any relationship.

Be kind to yourself.

Say “it’s OK” often.

You may not know it all, but neither does anyone else.

You’re not the perfect partner, but neither is your other half.

Become the best version of yourself while understanding you’re OK the way you are right now.

Compassion is a practice. As with any endeavor, it requires time to improve.

But little doses of kindness here and there will be the vaccine for self-judgment and the imposter syndrome.

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