The Unexpected Side-Effects Of Daily Writing

It’s been good medicine.

When I started writing, I made a pact with myself that I’d be honest, and open. I wouldn’t lie. I’d try to face my pain and use my experience to be helpful.

In the beginning, my tone was pretty angry. I was pissed off. I had a lot to get off my chest, and my writing reflected that.

But I didn’t particularly enjoy how it felt or came across, so I tried something different. I tried to write my pain in a positive way. To open my arms instead of pointing my finger.

I tried to say what I had to say but in a way that felt more like a hug than a punch in the face.

I realized that if I wanted to reach people, I had to make them feel safe. I had to make them feel like they were taking a walk with me. To invite them into a conversation instead of forcing them into a lecture.

It was a difficult transition.

All my life, I’ve struggled with anger issues.

Back in the day, I’d have no problem telling you off if you made me mad.

The positive side of this is that I was never afraid to stand up to a bully or stick up for a friend.

The less flattering side of the coin depicts the jobs I’ve lost and the bar fights I’ve started.

So telling my story in a more gentle way didn’t come naturally and took quite a bit of effort.

But it was definitely worth the learning curve.

Writing for public consumption forced me to improve the civil part of my personality, which had never completely matured.

From a very early age, I internalized the message that I was unlikable. I had a sibling who convinced me that people hated me as soon as they met me, and I shouldn’t even bother trying to have friends.

When you think everybody hates you, it warps the way you express yourself.

People filled with rage and resentment can’t sharpen their communication skills. If you assume nobody likes you, there’s no perceived benefit to social interaction and so like any skill that doesn’t get practiced, it doesn’t get developed. Combine that with anxiety and self-consciousness and you have a fool-proof recipe for failure.

Early programming runs deep, especially if it’s reinforced continuously during those tender years of childhood and into the intensely social high school years. For me, it’s something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember.

Even after years of working to undo this programming, I still found it running in the background of my psyche.

Writing reflective, self-help pieces has helped me access that programming and start to change it. It seems the more I take my pain and reframe it, the more I clean that slate.

The more positively I try to connect with others through my writing, the more positively I connect with myself. The more I spin my experience for others, in a way that expresses healing, the more my subconscious does the same for me.

It makes perfect sense.

For months and months now, I’ve been trying to write uplifting, encouraging messages and each piece starts as I try to rethink my life’s challenges in a different light.

As I do this, I create a new narrative that becomes embedded in my psyche. As the practice takes hold, I feel more optimistic, empowered, and engaged in my own life.

As I become more empowered and optimistic, I feel safe enough to forgive and move on.

When I started my writing journey, I had no idea this would happen or that it could. I figured I’d get some stuff off my chest and blow off some steam, but I had no idea the profound changes it would bring to my life.

But I don’t think it’s simply the act of writing that’s done it.

The changes have come from the constant reframing of my life experiences from negative to positive.

I’d been in the habit of seeing my life as a series of painful, devastating events. Every time I revisited them, whether in therapy, with friends, or just revisiting events in my mind, it was always in the most negative light.

That was my life-long habit and the only history I’d had with these memories.

Changing that has been pretty significant, and I’ve had some pretty substantial milestones already.

I’ve had some notable epiphanies over the years:

When I was 23, a friend introduced me to psychotherapy when I was profoundly depressed and suicidal. It was life-changing. It was one of three times that someone saved me from suicide and kept me from crossing a line I wouldn’t have been able to come back from. I’ve had three amazing therapists whose combined efforts helped me repair my shattered soul.

Sitting in my doctor’s office crying my eyes out, at 31-years old, my doctor put me on anti-depressant medication, and for the first time in my life, understood what it was like not to be chronically depressed.

I realized that I’d been depressed since about age nine. Then puberty came along and it morphed into helplessness, anxiety, and rage. When I went on meds, a fog lifted. It was like the curtain going up on a whole new life.

I knew I didn’t want to be on medication for the rest of my life-I’d gained weight and stopped pooping (yes, TMI, I know, but I found that disturbing and uncomfortable.) I knew I’d be moving away about a year later, and my finances wouldn’t afford me the luxury of medication, so I stayed on it for a year and tried to get my house in order internally and before I moved again. I went off of it.

For me, it worked out fine.

I never got pulled down back into the pit again. I went back into therapy a changed person, and everything seemed to work better. What medication did was give me a baseline. Now, if I feel myself backsliding, I can recognize and understand my feelings.

Falling in love with my husband was another turning point. I’d never understood how love felt before. Unconditional love was absent in my young life. I’d never had anyone I could trust.

Being loved by someone stable and loyal helped spur my healing again, but after that, I thought my emotional transformation had finished.

That is until I started writing every day.

Suddenly I’ve discovered a few more miles on that path.

I’ve learned once again that I can still do better and even be happier. I can change my brain and emotions even now.

And I can do it without having to get deep and dense, depressed, and overwhelmed. I can do the work in a way that feels fun and satisfying. It can be courteous instead of coercive. It can contribute to the conversation without having to command the room.

These changes have come about from my decision to write daily, write positively, and create lessons from my life.

Who knew a curious little hobby could be such a life-changing adventure?

Thanks so much for reading!

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Erin King is the author of the book “How To Be Wise AF: 30-Day Guided Journal For Women” and other health, wellness, and well-being resources.

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