6 Problems I Overcame Because I Felt Safe
Receiving love from a safe source creates limitless possibilities for healing.
For most of my life, I’d never felt safe. I was raw and exposed. The feeling of well-being that develops in childhood never happened in me.
That changed when I met my husband.
He’s strong and fierce and has given me so much. But I think the thing he’s given me most is a sense of safety.
Because of him I’ve been able to overcome a lot of my childhood programming and step into my strength.
It doesn’t have to be a life partner. A relative or friend can give you that love and safety. Even a short but meaningful relationship, can change your life. When you feel safe in someone’s love, life opens up in unexpected ways.
Because I’ve felt safe, I’ve been able to deal with these issues:
My victim mentality.
In relationships, friendships, and jobs, someone has always picked on me. Being the victim is something I’ve contended with me all my life.
It was like I had a sign on my back that dared the biggest jerk to come after me. When you have a pattern ingrained in your psyche, you live to fulfill it.
Discovering how it felt to be cherished and valued taught me to love and appreciate myself. It’s been a revelation to think of myself as worthy. It’s allowed me to take the bullseye off my back and stop projecting that story to the world.
My inability to speak up for myself.
My parents didn’t model a good marriage. My mother was the victim and my father bullied her. I was also bullied throughout my childhood by an older sibling.
When I met my husband, I had a firecracker to contend with. When we first fought, it scared me. Then something miraculous happened.
I stopped being afraid. I stuck up for myself. I got respect, got heard. I got my needs met, and he mellowed.
Fighting in a safe space taught me how to do it right.
My husband is my sparring partner, helping me get stronger and better.
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. — Plato
My inability to understand how to fight fair.
Here’s the thing about fighting, it’s a skill like anything else.
Before my husband came along, the only fights I had were toxic.
I’d never seen positive conflict resolution modeled. My family unloaded on me and then gaslighted me, so I believed everything was my fault.
When I met my husband, I learned better practices from him.
My issues with toxic people.
I used to let toxic people into my life.
I thought everyone was better than me. I couldn’t tell if people were using me.
My husband taught me to recognize when this was happening. I learned to value my time and energy and pull back from giving so much away to people who don’t deserve it.
My inability to say sorry.
Saying sorry opens you up to more rejection when you’re already feeling vulnerable.
Growing up, I never remember anyone saying sorry. It felt like a weakness.
The first time my husband said sorry after a fight, I was shocked. I couldn’t believe someone would do that.
I’ve since learned to be more humble and less defensive.
My fear of being comforted.
Comfort was the single most life-changing thing I’ve gained from my husband and it’s been the catalyst for all other healing.
Being comforted allowed me to let my guard down. It gave me a sense of belonging. The world doesn’t hurt quite so much when you know you have someone at home to hold you when you’re sad.
Receiving love from a safe source creates limitless possibilities for healing.
Being with my fierce and kind husband has given me a safe place and changed my life in ways I could never have imagined.
Thanks so much for reading!
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