The Uncomfortable Cold of an Introspective Walk
Saturday morning walks I usually look for, but a change in the weather and some early morning overthinking create this space of discomfort
Moody night, Melancholy morning
I'll be honest. Lately, I've been feeling underwhelmed about my medium engagement. On both sides. My side and the reader's side. I'm prepared to take full accountability for declining the activity on my articles and poems.
I need to step up and set aside time to read. I don't read to get my work read back. I don't like the tit-for-tat energy. I'm a genuine fan of many writers here. I also have a core of readers who show up for me too. We must admit there are only 24 hours a day, and we all do our best.
I came to Medium as a reader, which made me start a subscription. There was a plethora of great reads to ingest into my soul. Then came the writing. For the first year at Medium, I barely got any engagement, and I remember I still put the same amount of work into the stories I published.
It's my art, so I wrote, published, and submitted it when barely anyone showed up. Well, in 2022, that changed. I had a wonderful creative streak and connected with phenomenal writers on and off Medium. I was on this dopamine high from when Yana and I interviewed in May 2022 until January 2023.
February, things calmed down a lot. I wonder did I get addicted to the attention or did I get attached to the claps, feedback, and comment section. It could be both.
It's not easy because it's amazing like-minded people here, so we have symbiotic relationships. The last thing I need is to depend on feedback and attention. That's too much pressure. It's good that this happens because it's humbling.
It shows me that after the sadness and the feeling of rejection, I need to get back to work to find out what I can do to change. It could be beyond me. I should keep writing quality work and do my best.
Engaging and building a community takes time, so I must give readers and writers that same grace. Have empathy that people have lives. Just like I do, it was also a mundane morning and night because I was in overthinking mode with someone close to me.
Any long-distance relationship is challenging, and you must ask yourself daily whether you are built for it. Can you endure? Love is worth it. You have to fight for anything that lasts and show up every day. That's romance, finance, and even your dreams.
To be transparent, I felt sad and sorry for myself this morning. I had a dream that may have triggered that, also. I have a thing with being abandoned and left behind.
So in the dream, I'm always trying to keep up with someone ahead in the distance. I run, and it always seems like I'm not getting anywhere. That's a fear that I deal with. That's why the future and moving forward give me joy.
Someone connected to my past was in that dream, and I don't even know why I was trying to catch up with them. I have to run my race at my own pace. Some of my favorite writers do well in engagement, money, and followers. I sometimes ask why not me, but a pity party is such a low vibration.
All I can do is learn from them, be happy for them, and keep my eyes on the horizon. God put me here to fulfill my purpose, so I must keep doing what I do. I’m not them, and they aren’t me. I will have my time just like they have theirs. I should focus on my journey and be grateful for the growth that I saw last year.
It gave me hope. This article was supposed to be about my Saturday morning walk, but it is. My whole 2-mile walk, I thought of this whole I was walking listening to the podcast The Creative Entrepreneur's Podcast.
I have to give my friend Daniel's episode a second listen because I had a lot on my mind this morning. I normally have a spring in my step on Sats, but the weather had changed when I went out to start my walk. It was a bone-chilling cold in the atmosphere, and I didn't have enough layers on.
I wanted to turn around so badly because the air pierced right through the layers of my clothes. My unexpected Friday morning walk was pleasant. It felt like a warm breezy morning in May. This morning felt like February again. It's been bipolar all winter.
Anyway, I didn't quit, and I didn't turn back around. I thought of all the times I got my butt up to walk or exercise when my lower back had so much pain. I pressed forward. I pressed on. So the discomfort of the sub-zero chill made me walk faster to be warm.
I may get too comfy walking and need to pick up the pace. I had a productive Friday with many creative projects I could get done because I was up early, exercised, and got right into my work.
That uncomfortable cold I felt in my bones and soul taught me some things. Look for the lesson when the unexpected happens beyond your regimented routine because it's leading you to your blessing.
It did. It led me to share my experience with you, which will open up to what's on your mind and in your heart. I wrote this because the morning I love felt off; if it had gone as planned, this article would not exist.
When I thought I was alone
I was being Prepared to commune
When I thought I was buried in Uncertainty
I was planted for my clarity to
Be in bloom.
Thank you.
After this experience found out why it felt like a different kind of cold in the atmosphere, it snowed that afternoon. It made a lot of sense.
I want to recognize some wonderful writers and their great reads.
Sahil Patel, Thank you for your publication.
Yana Bostongirl is The author of the viral series The Medium Crush Chronicles. You can catch up from the beginning here.
pockett dessert. I've been enjoying your work; this was delightful. I can't wait to read more
Brett Jenae Tomlin I like your positive spirit, upbeat energy, and the uniqueness you bring to Medium. Thank you for being you.
Victor Cardenas Star Wars fans are instant family. This is the way.
TzeLin Sam Sherlock Sam! ( You know why, lol) I am due to binge-watch your work soon because you are such a refreshing creative being. I enjoy you. You are an experience. The compliment you gave me is why I chose that feature image. Thank you.
Ginger Cook My Ginger. This woman is hilarious but doesn't sleep on her layered deep side. She'll take you to the peaks and valleys of her soul.
Patrick OConnell Your informative settle is appreciated and needed. I need to catch up to fill my mental well with wisdom. Thank you.
Neera Handa Dr, You are one phenomenal writer and poet. I chose this piece below because the images gave me a sense of wonder. Amazing!
Kelly Aluna Martone You inspire me to create, be creative and imagine. You are one special soul.
Amy Lee Kite This title intrigued me. You're an intriguing writer. Your articles are the ultimate rabbit hole. Once you begin down that path, you keep going; every read is worth it.
Finally, here's a related read of my own
