MEMOIR

Chess, Friendship and Panic Attacks

The gift of a lifetime…

Thank you to @susimoore for this prompt in Meet Our Musers! (8).

Prompt: Talk about the inspiration behind a previously published piece of work.

My piece Direct Delivery From The Ukraine, is about so many things. Chess, my father, Fellini’s Pizza, Providence, panic disorder, my love of music, and true friendship.

My father taught me chess as a kid. And I hadn’t played in years. I have conflicted emotions about him, so it was tough for me to agree to play a game that was so personal to me.

Everest and some of his Belarusian and Russian friends started hanging out at the café. They’d get espresso and play chess for hours. They were a funny bunch of guys.

They kept insisting that I play. After my shift one day, I finally sat down with them. I ended up winning my first game. But it was definitely beginner’s luck, or maybe they took it easy on me. I didn’t win another game for months.

Everest and his friends taught me how to avoid losing against the pitfalls of classic openings. And I grew to love the game again. I’ll never forget that gift that they gave me.

I came from South Kingstown, RI which is basically the boonies. So, as small as it is, living and working in Providence was the big city to me. And I felt like I was one of the ‘cool kids’ working in that café. I was only eighteen or so, and all of my co-workers were older and more cultured than me.

Another gift my father gave me was my love of music. In Music is the Chronology of My Life, I talk about how I associate people and time with music. Everest was definitely The Smashing Pumpkins to me. He was in a band, and they were fantastic. He played drums, and the lead singer was killer. I went to all of his shows.

I used to drink coffee by the bucket loads working at Fellini’s. My favorite was a quadruple Black Eye. Which was basically tons of espresso in more coffee than a human being should ingest. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had PTSD. And the combination of caffeine and that sent me into the hospital with a panic attack.

I thought I was having a heart attack that first time. And Everest was there with me through it all. I’m not sure if he understood what was going on, I don’t remember being able to verbalize it really. But he stood by me, and we continued hanging out. Eventually the café closed, and we just fell away from each other. But I’ll never forget his laugh or his sweet and genuine smile.

Thank you for reading my story. I’d love to hear your opinions.

Get an email when I publish a new story. (She, Her) A proud member of the LGBTQ+ family. I am a writer and a freelance editor. I edit all genres, and I specialize in Romance. I write a little bit of everything, whatever is on my mind at the moment. My writing is greatly influenced by my past trauma, and I enjoy speaking openly and freely about my mental health diagnoses. You can check out some more of my writing and follow me here.

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