The real reason you’re staying up late, scrolling on your phone
Hint: the problem happened much earlier in your day
It’s nearly midnight. You should probably put the phone down and go to sleep, but it’s been a long day and you haven’t had a moment to yourself yet. Surely a few minutes of mindless screen time won’t hurt?
This is revenge bedtime procrastination — taking “revenge” on your busy day by indulging in escapist relaxation at the expense of your sleep.
It’s a form of self-sabotage and the consequences can be serious. Aside from robbing yourself of sleep (and its knock-on effects the next day), the long-term impact of this behaviour can include burnout, anxiety, or worse.
That’s because revenge bedtime procrastination is a symptom of a larger problem.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
The short answer is that we are seeking gratification.
The slightly longer answer is that it’s a way to take back time that we feel has been robbed from us by demands during the day. This is a big clue. Something needs to change about your schedule or the way you’re showing up for it.
Your schedule is busted
If you’re engaging in revenge bedtime procrastination, it’s likely that something about your schedule is not working for you. It’s probably one of these two things:
- You have scheduled more work than you can fit into your day. It’s simply not possible to get everything done, yet you still try. Your day feels like being on an endless treadmill, until you literally collapse into bed.
- You aren’t scheduling your work in a meaningful way and so your headspace feels unstructured, chaotic, and overwhelming. In this case, the busy-ness is literally all (held) in your head. It is real, but unsustainable.
You’re not showing up the way you want
Another reason you might find yourself engaging in this late-night self-sabotaging behaviour has to do with how you show up to your work throughout your day. This is about your energy, presence, or mindset. Here are a few of the big culprits:
- You may have unmet needs that — for whatever reasons — you’re not able to take care of during the day. This could be as simple as requiring more time for self-care activities, or as serious as needing to address burnout, sick systems, or other issues.
- You may have limiting beliefs or negative thought patterns that are causing stress, overwhelm, perfectionism or procrastination. The latter two often lead to overfunctioning; cramming, staying up late, trying to boil the ocean.
- You might not be listening to yourself or others. This can lead to a lack of awareness, making avoidable mistakes (and then having to take time to correct them), missing opportunities, and skipping warning signs about what you or others need.
Five things you can start doing now to help yourself:
- Become more aware of when and how you engage in revenge bedtime procrastination. This will give you insight on how often this is occurring and how big of an issue it may be for you.
- Examine your day to understand the causes. Start by looking at where your time and energy goes.
- Make adjustments to your schedule to free up time for self-care activities. The more breaks and rest you can incorporate into your day, the less ‘robbed’ you will feel by nighttime.
- Practice new thoughts and mindset around daily tasks. Shifting your thinking happens in small, meaningful increments.
- Get a coach to help you. You’ll work together to get to the heart of the issue and get yourself to sleep sooner.
Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Recognise that while revenge bedtime procrastination is a form of self-sabotage, it does not help to punish yourself for it. In fact, the negative impact you’re already experiencing is more than enough punishment!
“Revenge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.” — unknown wise person
If revenge is akin poisoning yourself, then revenge bedtime procrastination is like using Past You to justify harming Future You.
What can Present You do to help here?
Kim is a life-long overthinker who has overcome many challenges to turn her mental energy into a super skill for getting things done and feeling great about it. She’s on a mission to help others do the same. Join the expert thinkers who are gaining clarity and focus with weekly insights in the Hold That Thought newsletter.