Change Your Thoughts in Four Stages
Small steps for big shifts in thinking
We hear about change all the time. We know when we need one. We notice when it’s happened. And we sure do feel uncomfortable while it’s underway.
Change is most effective when it is small
No matter the circumstances, we have the power to choose what we think, feel and do about any given situation. We master this ability through small, iterative steps toward managing our minds. And we learn how to do this through insightful conversations, gentle challenges, awareness and practice.
When I made change harder than it needed to be
I used to think that feelings were the inevitable result of the situations I found myself in. Those feelings were the reason why I acted the way I did. In many situations, this was fine. But it was also unpredictable. I coped with the unpredictability of the world by holding on really tightly in places where I felt I already had some control and throwing up my hands where I felt I had none.
The easing of this hold and the teasing apart of this mindset took years of thought work and introspection. I did this the hard way, on my own, with little conscious awareness that there was already a world of knowledge around this work, a process for it, and people who were suited to help and support this change.
Fast forward several years…
In 2021, I made a big life change — I left my corporate job to start my own business as a coach. Since then, I have conducted over 250 hours of coaching people toward their goals — listening to and supporting amazing thinkers from a variety of backgrounds, in both private and public sectors, and in many roles from CEOs to those unemployed during COVID. I have learned so much from the people I’ve worked with and I am grateful for their honesty, resourcefulness and courage to take action during times of massive uncertainty.
Through supporting myself and others through change, I’ve seen the mechanisms behind the metamorphoses. What has emerged is a consistent process with four identifiable stages.
The four stages of thought change
Understanding the stages of change can help you identify where you’re at and what you need to focus on next. This bird’s eye view will give you a better perspective on the process and make it easier to be patient with yourself about your progress.
In broad strokes, the four stages of change are as follows:
- Cultivating awareness about what you’re trying to do. In this case, the goal is around changing your thinking. Specifically, shifting from a negative thought to a more positive one.
- Looking back and noticing that you did the thing. This involves thinking about a situation that already happened and noticing the negative thought that was occurring at that time.
- Noticing in the moment that you’re doing the thing. As we become more aware of our thoughts and feelings, it becomes easier to notice a negative thought as it is happening.
- Sensing in advance that you’re about to do the thing. With more experience in noticing our thoughts as they’re happening, it becomes possible to become aware of the triggers for our negative thinking, the circumstances that might prompt it, or the feelings that are associated with the negative thoughts. We’ll be able to better predict and prevent those. From there, we can make a choice about what to do.
In sum, it’s a process of moving from reactivity to more proactive ways of being. This is the wide-angle view of what’s happening.
While major transformation can and often does happen quickly, that does not mean it happens in big, insurmountable steps. It takes small changes, tiny tweaks and optimisations, integration with other parts of your life and moments of reflection on it all. This is the micro-lens on what’s happening.
With awareness of both, you can figure out where you are, where you want to be going, and the thinking you need to cultivate to get there.
Kim is a life-long overthinker who has overcome many challenges to turn her mental energy into a super skill for getting things done and feeling great about it. She’s on a mission to help others do the same. Join the expert thinkers who are gaining clarity and focus with weekly insights in the Hold That Thought newsletter.