avatarJill Ebstein

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partner? Mom?</p><p id="76b8">Would Hannah and Ben feel connected to any child that Marvin and I had?</p><p id="8ff3">How patient would Marvin be as I answer these questions?</p><p id="9d00">The answers?</p><p id="ec33">Healing is ongoing. Who knows what enough is, but I know I’m healthier. I also know that some scars are forever.</p><p id="21a2">There’s something beyond making people look pretty in my future. What? Who knows.</p><p id="9beb">I am very honest, and Marvin and Hannah both tell me, “You have a good moral compass.” I’m guessing that would make me a good life partner.</p><p id="a08a">Hannah and Ben actually love me. I think. Using Alfred’s transitive property of equality (he is their smartest friend that they always quote), I think that means they’d love anything that comes from me, though it might take time.</p><p id="10f5">Marvin will be as patient as I need him to be. I hope I won’t need it to be long.</p><p id="101b">Now I’m hearing Hannah’s quoting her favorite line from <i>Huckleberry Finn</i>. How she loves that book! I only like it, but I do understand why it speaks to her.</p><p id="5869"><i>“You can’t pray a lie.”</i></p><p id="8672">She has used that line so many times, and it always seems to point to some big truth in her.</p><p id="2632">This time, I am going to use it.</p><p id="ba2d">No lies here. I think (and hope in parentheses because it’s smaller than “I think”) I’ll get to that place that will make Marvin and me both happy.</p><p id="2661">First comes the questions.</p><p id="8cff">Then comes the answers.</p><p id="3e35">No lies accepted.</p><p id=

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"3aab">This piece is from an ongoing series, “Lucy’s Snippets.” The previous piece that gives background on Marvin is here:</p><div id="2a67" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-magic-of-marvin-7e54c7a77c8d"> <div> <div> <h2>The Magic of Marvin</h2> <div><h3>Two good men in my life taught me what’s possible</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*HcVc7P2_opjfK1OmWZthoA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="cef6">The piece that refers to Lucy’s high school teacher is here:</p><div id="c46f" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-an-english-teacher-and-scrambled-eggs-made-a-difference-dac3e90042f0"> <div> <div> <h2>How an English Teacher and Scrambled Eggs Made a Difference</h2> <div><h3>And told me I am not alone</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*LMfipHJTLIVp9fiVqMVA1A.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="46f7">Thank you for reading my story.</p><p id="859f"><b><i>I have expanded to Substack, and feel free to join me <a href="https://jillebstein.substack.com/">here</a>.</i></b></p></article></body>

LUCY’S SNIPPETS

The Questions Are More Important Than the Answers

How I will march forward and forge a life with Marvin

Unsplash+ in collaboration with Philip Oroni

Note to readers: The Lucy series is an evolution of Hannah’s Journal to Be Happy. Lucy is 36, the girlfriend of Hannah’s dad, Marvin, and a hairstylist who survived a rough childhood, as shared in previous snippets.

I can’t lie to myself and say I wasn’t overwhelmed when Marvin told me he wanted to get married and start a family. It came from a really good place, and I’ve shared with him all my darkest moments.

But then I’ve got those dark moments. What do I do with them? Can I get myself to a place where I have confidence in building a future that is not just the hair salon, Marvin as my boyfriend, and his children, who are becoming my dear friends and kind-of family?

My high school English teacher, Mrs. Mahler, used to say that knowing the right questions was more important than knowing the answers. I’ve certainly got the question part down.

They include:

Have I healed enough to believe in myself and my relationships?

Is being a hair stylist my forever job?

Would I be a good life partner? Mom?

Would Hannah and Ben feel connected to any child that Marvin and I had?

How patient would Marvin be as I answer these questions?

The answers?

Healing is ongoing. Who knows what enough is, but I know I’m healthier. I also know that some scars are forever.

There’s something beyond making people look pretty in my future. What? Who knows.

I am very honest, and Marvin and Hannah both tell me, “You have a good moral compass.” I’m guessing that would make me a good life partner.

Hannah and Ben actually love me. I think. Using Alfred’s transitive property of equality (he is their smartest friend that they always quote), I think that means they’d love anything that comes from me, though it might take time.

Marvin will be as patient as I need him to be. I hope I won’t need it to be long.

Now I’m hearing Hannah’s quoting her favorite line from Huckleberry Finn. How she loves that book! I only like it, but I do understand why it speaks to her.

“You can’t pray a lie.”

She has used that line so many times, and it always seems to point to some big truth in her.

This time, I am going to use it.

No lies here. I think (and hope in parentheses because it’s smaller than “I think”) I’ll get to that place that will make Marvin and me both happy.

First comes the questions.

Then comes the answers.

No lies accepted.

This piece is from an ongoing series, “Lucy’s Snippets.” The previous piece that gives background on Marvin is here:

The piece that refers to Lucy’s high school teacher is here:

Thank you for reading my story.

I have expanded to Substack, and feel free to join me here.

Emotional Health
Childhood Trauma
Fiction
Healing
Illumination Curated
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