LUCY’S SNIPPET #4

The Magic of Marvin

Two good men in my life taught me what’s possible

I’ve had plenty of men in my life. The first two were in my family, and they were what I refer to as “zeroes.” I know that’s harsh, but one was too often drunk and the other too often high, and that was before he split without leaving a note.

There was Ernie, my first boyfriend, who was very dear and became my go-to during my difficult adolescent years. I loved Ernie — actually, I still do — but now it’s in a different way. I love that I could trust him and that he showed me what it was like to be in a giving relationship. We were never going to work out. We were too young with too much life ahead.

I told this to Carol and, therapist that she is, Carol made me think about the words, “Work out.” “What does ‘work out’ mean?” Carol asked. I understood her point. “Work out” doesn’t have to mean crossing the marriage altar. Instead, I am proud to say that we had a healthy relationship — my first ever. We were there for each other, but if I’m honest, it was more like Ernie was there for me. Ernie didn’t have as many needs, and he had a lot of people wanting to help him. Plus, he had a future. Mine was uncertain.

But I am going to agree with Carol that “work out” can mean different things. In our case, it meant that when Marvin came around, I could see early on that Marvin was a decent man who would treat me right. The day I cut his hair, he asked me some simple questions like, “How long have you been working here?” and “Are you from the area?”

Marvin didn’t ask how I ended up cutting hair or even anything about my personal life. I was glad about that. He dressed like he had an important job, and of course, cutting hair is anything but. I liked that he carried himself softly, and his eyes had a twinkle. He somehow knew not to invade my privacy.

At the end of the cut, Marvin asked if I would ever consider having coffee with him. “You seem interesting, and I bet there’s a lot going on inside you. It would be fun for me to get to know you a little.” I liked “a little” because it didn’t scare me, and so I agreed to what I now call “Date One.”

Just like with Ernie, I never felt pressure to take things fast. I always felt respected. Marvin had a quiet kind of humor that could make you laugh if you listened hard. He was easy to be around, and I enjoyed the attention. Plus, he’d do small things for me, like bring me a sandwich around dinnertime on a night that I was working late.

So now I can say Ernie and I did “work out” because he taught me the signs of a healthy relationship and helped me understand some men are worth trusting. All this opened the doors for Marvin. We’ve been together for over two years now, and it’s mostly solid.

We did have a rough patch when his kids came for the entire summer. I was none too excited. Hannah and Ben (his kids) are both wicked smart, and while they don’t advertise it, it’s obvious. It made me nervous, and their stay also meant I had to share Marvin. Because Marvin never talked about his kids, I assumed they wouldn’t be very present in his life. I think he assumed that, too, at the time. Boy, were we wrong!

The good news is that we grew — all of us. It didn’t start out very promising, but we ended with a home run of emotions. As Hannah and Ben departed, I smiled at the purple streak I gave to a strand of Hannah’s hair. It was to remind her to color outside the lines sometimes. I felt sad, and Hannah did, too. Marvin actually got teary, and I’ve never seen that before. Even Ben, the 12-year-old who is every bit his cocky age, looked like he was touched and holding back tears.

After we said our goodbyes, Marvin looked at me in a way I had never seen. He gave me a huge hug and asked where I wanted to go for dinner. He had some things he wanted to say, and he wanted to say them now. This made me nervous, as you can imagine.

I let him pick the restaurant. It was a nice one, and there we sat, menus untouched in front of us. “Hurry,” I thought. “What’s going on in that head of his?”

No, he wasn’t breaking up with me. Far from it, he said that he knows now that he loves kids, and he loves me, and he added, “Not in that order.” He wanted to plant a seed that just maybe, someday, we could get married and have a family.

“Lucy, I don’t want to overwhelm you, and I think you scare easily. But it took my kids for me to better understand my feelings for you. You are so real and down to earth. You’re honest about your thoughts. I love your heart and your curiosity. And I want to be your husband when you are ready.”

He paused and then added, “And you know I’ll be dutiful. You’ll run the show.”

Talk about a long silence! I was overwhelmed. I cried, then I got up from my chair and went over and gave him my very tightest hug. And then I cried some more. Then, when I had my senses back, I told Marvin that the answer would be yes but that I wasn’t ready yet.

Marvin’s answer? “That’s good enough for me.”

And that was good enough for both of us.

Note to readers: “Lucy’s Snippets” is a novel in the making. Lucy is now 36 and feeling inspired to tell her story because of her friendship with Hannah, whose personal story is in production and due out in 2024. Below is the link to Lucy’s Prologue to help set the stage and to the previous snippet (#3) that shares her story about Ernie.

I have expanded to Substack, and feel free to join me here.