LUCY’S SNIPPETS

The Prologue to My Story

And how my anger eventually found its home

Reader, “Lucy’s Snippets” will be the third book in a sequel that started with “Alfred’s Journey to Be Liked.” “Hannah’s Journal to Be Happy,” the second book, will come out in 2024. Then “Lucy’s Snippets: Born on the Wrong Side of the Track” will follow. This is the prologue that starts the novel.

Hannah told me I must set the stage before spilling my guts — or, more accurately, telling my story. Hannah knows about writing, and we both know about do-overs since that has been the history of our relationship.

Hannah and her brother, Ben, came two summers ago to visit her dad, who is my boyfriend. His name is Marvin. It was rocky at the start, and I only realized later I was jealous of her relationship with her brother and dad. I have none of that kind of love, as you will see when reading my stories.

One thing led to another, and eventually, we shared — or as my therapist would say — “owned” our feelings, and we “pressed the reset button.” This is one of Hannah’s favorite expressions that I’ve now adopted. I learned a lot from Hannah, and not just about writing. I learned that I have more ability than I thought. I also learned that I have some hidden rage.

I call it the “unfortunate and fortunate” learnings of my summer with Hannah.

The idea of hidden rage was particularly interesting because Hannah spent the summer trying to figure out what Coach’s words meant:

“Your anger doesn’t know its home.”

Without going into too much detail, Coach was the guy who helped Hannah’s best friend, Alfred, build a circle of friends and develop a stronger “social muscle” (Hannah’s phrase). Alfred asked Hannah to meet with Coach, and maybe she could figure out why her anger “spills” (Hannah's word) into places it doesn’t belong. That’s when she heard about her anger not knowing its home.

Homeless anger (my term) was in the back of Hannah’s mind when she and Ben spent the summer with Marvin and me. To say I wasn’t excited about their arrival is a big understatement, but we got used to each other, and eventually, positive feelings grew, and then I realized that I have a homeless anger problem, too. Oops! I think I have a run-on sentence.

I told Hannah I thought I had the same homeless anger problem, and she said that it would help to share my feelings with someone who wasn’t a relative and who was trained to understand these things.

That’s how I discovered Carol, who I have been meeting with weekly for over a year to understand what I call “my journey.” Carol mostly listens to me and asks me some difficult questions. I think hard, try to be honest with myself, and see what I can learn. I’ve learned that I instinctively coped with a very rough start in ways that I couldn’t have put words to. If you read more of my story, you will notice this.

I’ve shared my journey with Hannah for two reasons. Oddly enough, this sixteen-year-old has become either my best friend or sister by choice. Also, I think she might benefit from hearing what I learned. She’s like that, you know. There’s never one missed opportunity to learn something if you live in Hannah’s skin.

I told Hannah I would write my story, and I hoped she could be an extra pair of eyes and brain. At the very least, she’ll fix my run-on sentences. Here’s what I heard back:

“Lucy, you have enough brain for a whole community. You don’t need me for that. But I am happy to be an extra pair of eyes and ask questions when I don’t understand something. And yes, I might fix your run-on sentences unless it is a stylistic choice. Writers do that sometimes.”

Just like that, Hannah made me feel smart. As I’ve shared my pieces, she has read, commented, and shared some occasional thoughts like,

“You need a preface. They don’t know you or why you’re doing this.”

She also suggested that I warn the reader of some very sad moments because sometimes people don’t have the stomach for sad times.

So, reader, now I will speak to you (even though Hannah said that authors don’t usually come off their page like I am doing):

I am 36 and have spent a long time looking at myself a certain way and not in a good way. I am now seeing myself differently. If you are the kind of reader who needs to read the ending first to see if you can weather the storm, you should know the following. I am in a healthy relationship with Marvin. I love his kids. I still cut hair, but I have also gone back to school at night.

In short, the world feels full of possibilities in a way that it never has.

I shared this with Marvin, and he smiled. Then he said,

“Who knows, you might even feel positive enough to someday want a kid.”

That made me smile and also get scared at the same time. I think the smile was slightly bigger than the fear, but I would need Hannah’s friend, Alfred, to help me measure that. Alfred is a whole other story that I won’t get into. Alfred is intensely special, but again, to borrow Hannah’s words,

“Alfred is outside the scope of your book, except tangentially, so don’t do much with him.”

I looked up “tangentially” to make sure I understood.

If you’ve made it this far through the preface, I say, “Thank you” and “Congratulations.” I will be honest and not sugarcoat things. Marvin has read each piece and says he understands me better, too. He also said he was surprised I could make so many observations at a young age.

I told Carol this, who explained that I had some instinctive survival skills. “You don’t need words to know what you must do, and that’s what you did,” Carol said. You will see what she means when you read on.

For example, as a young girl, when I needed to tell people something about a moment in my life, I would paste some happy crumbs on an otherwise fallen cake (Hannah, I hope that metaphor worked). I didn’t want people to see what was really happening, and it also helped me imagine a better world for myself.

This takes me to my final note: I am dedicating this book to Hannah, who inspired my do-over, and to Victoria, who you will discover was the friend that became my lifeboat.

And now, here we go — a do-over in the works!

I have expanded to Substack, and feel free (literally and figuratively) to join me here.