LUCY’S SNIPPETS #5

How an English Teacher and Scrambled Eggs Made a Difference

And told me I am not alone

I’ve never thought of myself as particularly smart. If you’d have asked me, I would say, “I’m smart enough, but anyway, why does it matter?” It’s only now that I have a relationship with Marvin’s very smart kids — and they’re also very nice in their own way — that I can see what smarts buys someone.

You see the world in color, and it can be beautiful.

But back to smarts, I had a moment in high school when my English teacher, Ms. Mahler, told me not to undersell myself. “English” was what we now call “Language Arts,” and we had just finished reading Catcher in the Rye. I had not been much of a reader (at least, until Marvin’s daughter Hannah came into my life). But this book was an exception. I couldn’t put it down, and I discovered I had a lot to say when I was in class.

“Holden Caulfield is not well, and where is his family in all this?”

“I feel like his teachers have failed him. He calls up Mr. Antolini, his old English teacher, when he is desperate. Mr. Antonlini lets him come stay with him, but then I think he is pervy, which Holden thinks too, and Holden runs away.”

“Thank God for Holden’s sister, Phoebe, who loves him and is there for him. Other than her, his family is a no-show.”

Ms. Mahler then explained to us that “Holden” had been interpreted as “hold on” and that Holden was trying to hold on to life. Holden was challenged. Life was too hard and unstable for him. I understood that too well.

We were asked to write an essay about what Catcher in the Rye meant to us. I think it was because of what I wrote and said in class that Ms. Mahler thought I was smart. I learned this later.

In my essay, I explained that I was holding on, too. I had a family that ignored each other and bad habits that involved alcohol and weed. My mother was what I can now call a “depressed narcissist.” I explained how I held on because I had Ernie, my boyfriend, and a job at Mr. and Mrs. Melkin’s grocery store. They fed me food and books like Charlotte’s Web and watched over me some. The Melkins told me about summer camp, which was run by the city and was free. It’s where I learned tennis and realized that there were many kids like me who didn’t feel they had much of a home.

I understood that Catcher in the Rye was about recognizing someone who needed help in a difficult world. I think Holden ended up in a mental hospital. I realized I was lucky because I didn’t have Holden’s problems, and I had enough support to be ok. Holden says he has to catch anybody he sees going over the “cliff” — in other words, a person who could be in danger. This idea seemed very powerful to me.

I ended my essay by explaining that I wasn’t in danger of going over the cliff but that my family was probably right on the edge, and I would use this book to think about what my responsibilities were to them. I knew that my family felt none to me.

For whatever reason, my words really touched Ms. Mahler, and she felt a need to tell me that I had a lot going for me and to never underestimate myself. I don’t know if I was imagining it or whether it was real, but I thought I saw some tears she was working to hold back. I thanked her and told her I’d remember not to underestimate myself.

That afternoon, I went to work at Melkin’s grocery store and then brought home a dozen eggs to make my family a simple dinner. It was my first attempt, as the youngest in the family, to take care of the oldest. It didn’t go well. My mom was having an episode that is, even now, hard to describe. My brother was AWOL. My dad was hung over. I looked around and felt my own tears running down my face.

I called Ernie. He was home from practice. I asked if I could make him dinner, and he said sweetly,

“Aww, Lucy. You don’t need to do that. I’ll come pick you up, and you’ll have dinner with my family. We’re having spaghetti and meatballs tonight, and my mom is almost as good at that as she is at lasagna.”

Ernie was my catcher. His family was a window into what a family could look like. And Ms. Mahler? She planted an idea that I could be more than I thought. She allowed me to see that my world could have color, too.

I shared this story with Marvin. He felt so moved and protective of me that the whole night, he wouldn’t let go of my hand… except when he was making me dinner. He is lousy in the kitchen, but he knows how to make scrambled eggs, and anyway, his words were what really served me as he said,

“Lucy, this is poetic justice…my serving you eggs. And it’s also my way of saying you will never have to fight to hold on again. I’ve got you. Cliff be gone.”

Note to readers: “Lucy’s Snippets” is a novel in the making. Lucy is now 36 and feeling inspired to tell her story because of her friendship with Hannah, whose personal story is in production and due out in 2024. Below is the link to Lucy’s Prologue to help set the stage and to the previous snippet (#4) that shares her story about Marvin.