The Problem Is You’re Trying Too Hard To Control
Know that you can’t control most things, and you’ll be liberated
“I want to go to the beach — it’s my yearly ritual.”
I lamented to my mom. I was stuck at home for over a year and desperately needed a break. But, unfortunately, it wasn’t a wise decision with the pandemic taking over.
“You know it’s not safe, then why are you acting like a kid.”
“But when will this be over, maa? I can’t take it anymore.”
“There are things no one can control; you’ve got to learn to deal with it.”
I was in no mood for any life lesson, but there it was, right on my face.
I let the moment go and gave myself some time.
We Can’t Run The World
All this while I was trying too hard to accept things as they were.
I was trying too hard to adapt.
I was doing too much when nothing was required.
The natural process was getting hampered as I overplayed my part. I was so attached to the outcome that I tried to fix every little tiny part of it. In the process, I forgot to live it and give it time to settle down.
And it wasn’t just about the pandemic; it was about everything else. The downside of being a personal development geek is trying to fix things that require no fixing.
I over-planned how I would spend my days, over-planned ideas, I, in fact, over-planned birthdays. It was daunting and taking out the fun from life.
Attachment To The Result
My over-controlling behavior stemmed from my attachment to the outcome.
I was too attached to the outcome, and that I wanted to make sure I could do everything to materialize it. Attachment blindfolds us from reality and shifts our focus to what we’re appended to.
Attachment often comes from a perception of lack. I believed that things might not turn out great that made me a maniac about the tiny details.
It was my fear.
Making peace with my condition was challenging, but it made me understand that things often turn out better when you don’t try too hard.
This concept contradicts the hustle culture where you focus on being in control of your life, and there’s no place for intuition, luck, or synchronicity.
In his interview with Joe Rogan, Robert Downey Junior talks about getting out of your way. He shared his experience of how he blocked his creative stream when he tried too hard. Having some space and not trying too hard allowed the process to flow naturally.
It only happens when you don’t get in the way of synchronicity.
Resistance and Efforts
It happens to us all the time.
The restlessness we feel when we’re trying too hard to get a reply from our crush. The turmoil we feel when we’re trying too hard to get that first, like on a post.
What do we do when someone is trying too hard to win us?
We resist them.
This is exactly how life works.
When we apply too much effort, we are not competing with the “could haves.” We are, in fact, in a sublime war with nature or the universe.
The ancient Chinese philosophy of Taoism is based on living a simple and balanced life in harmony with nature.
Wu Wei aka effortless action
The literal meaning of Wu Wei is “doing nothing.” This concept is a crucial principle of Taoism or Daoism — and is at the heart of what it means to follow Dao or The Way.
The way in Taoism is in oneness with the universe and it’s believed that you’re exactly where you need to be.
The external force or efforts you make to be more prosperous will not be fertile if you’re not aligned with nature. The idea is to grow like nature, effortlessly and with zero external influence.
Have you seen a plant trying too hard to grow?
When we try too hard, we miss out on serendipities and opportunities that are meant for us. They’re saved for us and scheduled at a specific timeline.
When you don’t force life, you realize you are life.
To govern is to control; to control is to destroy the unknown possibility.
The philosophy of Taoism was an eye-opening experience for me. It guided me to go with the flow, believe in the power greater than us, and focus on being present because whatever we have is this moment.
“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” ― Lao Tzu
Parting Thoughts
If life turned out the way, we wanted we wouldn’t be living this moment.
If life had turned out just the way we wanted, we wouldn’t have this much fun. There won’t be any adventure and excitement.
We can only have control over our actions, not life.
When we’re in oneness with the universe, we don’t think about where we should be; instead, we enjoy what’s on our way. It also saves a lot of energy and mental fatigue when you stop controlling too much.
Whatever happened, happened for the good. Whatever is happening, is happening for the good. Whatever will happen, will also happen for the good. — The Bhagavad Gita
Let life unfolds itself to you.
Further reads
