The Pineapple Ban

A satirical short story, sending up the silliness of British Politics

HEADLINE NEWS: BRITISH PRIME MINISTER BANS PINEAPPLES

Reported by Cambridge graduate who got in on their parent’s kind donations.

In a statement that some have dubbed controversial, Prime Minister Ricky Simmons said, “From now on, I declare all pineapples in Great Britain illegal. That includes pineapples on wallpapers, pineapples on stickers, actual pineapples and especially pineapples on pizza”.

This comes after a series of scandals suffered by the Rich People Only party. Poll numbers indicate an early predication for victory for the Nearly As Rich People Only Party at the upcoming elections.

The leader of the Nearly As Rich People Party condemned the pineapple ban as “frivolous” and “discriminatory against those who love pineapples”. The ban has created mixed reactions on X, formerly known as twitter, a user who goes by 100% British, tweeted “@PrimeMinister I support this ban 100%, pineapples are not British therefore we cannot trust them! And now they will no longer ruin perfectly good British pizzas”. However, as some comments pointed out, pizza is not, in fact, a British creation.

Others on the social media platform slammed the ban with tweets ranging from “bet the b*****d still gets pineapples imported for him and his mates” and “why is this even a thing”.

The Prime Minister has the backing of his fellow Rich People, but an online petition has kicked off arguing against the ban with over 1.5 million signatures, meaning the ban will have to be debated in parliament next month.

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