A Word To My Younger Self

A poem by Jessica for a teenage Jessica.

Foreword

Growing up Autistic was hard for a teenage girl. I was very insecure and constantly in denial about it because I didn’t want to stand out anymore than I did. I was bullied relentlessly and didn’t want to add another target to my back. At the same time, I was constantly masking to blend in and struggling with my self-worth and mental health.

This poem is for the fifteen year old girl I used to be, what I would say to her if I go back in time and speak to myself.

Dear Younger Me, You’re a chameleon, changing your colours to blend in with the crowd, But you shouldn’t need to hide yourself so others can stand out, You think you’re not worthy of anything or anyone, But you deserve more than cruel words shot at you from verbal guns.

They say you could be prettier, if you lose your glasses and definitely some weight, You might be someone worthy of something someday, They mistake quietness for weakness and kindness for gullibility, But you’ll one day realise that it’s their own insecurities behind their culpability.

So dust off the debris of your broken spirit and keep plowing on, Someday you’ll notice that the sting from their words is gone, All that remains is pity for their own dubious self-esteem, And you’ll find new people that will make everything else seem like a distant dream.

I promise it gets better, just keep on being resilent, One day you’ll be be allowed to shine your own brilliance. And when you’re me, you can sit and reflect on all that came before. But until then, don’t let your mind keep dwelling on all those negative thoughts.

Sincerely, Future You.

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What would YOU tell your younger self if you could speak to them now? Comment and let me know. Feel free to send me any links to your stories, I’d love to read them!