The Orgasm Face

What does yours say about you?

We all have one . . . the orgasm face.

If you don’t have one, you need to get one.

For many, the orgasm face isn’t an easy discussion. There’s a certain haze of embarrassment surrounding the experience of colliding hormones and distorted faces. Whether it be the level of vulnerability it takes to let someone else see your O-face or your internalized feelings of sexual shyness or shame that bring it on, the chagrin is real for a lot of people.

Dealing with your feelings about your orgasm face is the material for another article. Today, we get to skip that part and go straight to the good stuff: what orgasm face group are you in?

Some Science Behind the O-Face

As a nurse practitioner, there’s no way I’m going to skip taking a quick dip into what science has to say about the orgasm face.

As a rule, facial expressions are a powerful form of communication between human beings, especially during sex. So it stands to reason, a face that screams PAIN is sending a different message from a face that is screaming ORGASM. But that’s not exactly what researchers found. At least not initially.

According to a 2018 observational study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, researchers reported that pain and orgasm both produced facial expressions that were indistinguishable. Since this didn’t make sense, researchers took things a step further.

They studied the differences between the pain and orgasms faces of two different cultures, Western and Eastern Asian. What they found was that “cross-cultural comparisons revealed that pain is represented by similar face movements across cultures, whereas orgasm showed distinct cultural accents.”

Obviously, culture plays a role in what our faces are communicating during orgasm. They found that Westerns like to orgasm with eyes wide open and a dropped jaw and East Asians prefer to smile during orgasm. Of course, our real-world experiences and interactions determine the facial expressions we produce within our given culture.

The jury is still out for cognitive scientists when it comes to exactly how much information can be inferred from either a pain face or an orgasm face. But this we know for sure: an orgasm face is certainly communicating something.

The Eyes Closed/Mouth Open Group

Eye contact during sex is crucial. The eyes are where connection happens, where emotions are shared. So, making eye contact throughout the sexual encounter is an important way to remain present and engaged with your partner.

But when it comes to orgasm, if your eyeballs roll back in your head and your eyelids relax as you near the finale, there’s probably a good reason.

1. You’re enjoying yourself. Let’s face it, the Big O, on average, lasts 10–30 seconds for men and 13–51 seconds for women. You can’t afford to miss a single second. You’re the type who wants to make every second count. We all fall into this group now and again.
2. You’re feeling the fantasy. When your fantasy life is moving you toward the big bang and you don’t want it interrupted, that’s a legit reason to close the windows to your soul. You’re obviously the type of person who owns their orgasm. You know what it takes to get there and, by-golly, ain’t nobody getting in the way.
3. You’re reducing inhibitions or . . . running from vulnerability, you decide. Sex is one of the most profound yet self-conscious producing activities we encounter as humans. We want it (oh boy do we want it!) but we get naked and suddenly every jiggly body part and mediocre characteristic surfaces. The only way to get through it — and reach the peak — is to block it out by closing our eyes and parting our lips. Maybe your thing is keeping the internal you safe and sound during that moment of special spasm. For some, being seen on the inside can be more difficult than being seen on the outside.
4. You’re normal. According to an article in Psychology Today, having sex with your eyes closed is common as lovers seek to focus on physical sensations, shut out distractions, or shed inhibitions. Even if the eyes-closed/mouth-open promoters were subdivided into lights on and light off groups, you’re still normal.

The Eyes Squeezed Tight/Jaw Dropped Group

If you feel that your O-face is triggering a sense of alarm to the rest of the world (aka, your partner), it’s okay. There are perfectly reasonable reasons for this face.

1. You’re savoring the experience. As the lovely Ms. O is escorted into the ballroom, your eyes clamp shut, and your jaw drops in awe. There is no better emotional connection with yourself than this moment. Enjoy it.
2. You really wish you were blindfolded. If you live inside the grip of passion, then engaging in a new sexual behavior is probably your thing. A face gripped with tension at the moment of the BIG-O would probably appreciate the vibrational links that come from sensing your partner’s breathless moans while blindfolded. Think about it.
3. You’re fighting to get there. Sometimes the squeeze-face simply means you’re are trying your hardest to climb the mountain and reach the pinnacle. Since the sexual act can’t be reduced to simple technical skills, perhaps you’re working too hard. Don’t let mastering a sexual behavior in order to reach orgasm interfere with a profound connection with your partner.
4. You’re performing. This one sounds a little offensive, but it’s not. Some of the best parts of the sexual encounter are playing a role and being someone you aren’t outside the bedroom. If your clasped eyes allow you to reach a dimension inside yourself that’s exciting and fresh, then follow this fun form of energy exchange and contribute your entire self to the performance.

The Eyes Wide Open/Who Cares What My Mouth Is Doing Group

Rumor has it (okay probably more like several small informal surveys around the world) that having an orgasm with eyes open intensifies the pleasure wave. Who knew?

If you’re an eyes-open kinda person, then it’s likely that:

1. You’re in love. Researchers found that one of the most reliable markers between couples who were in love was mutual eye gazing. Love and lust are like kissing cousins, each having their own personality. Yet they evolve individually on a spectrum, arising from the delicate, visceral sensations of the body and the abstract feelings of the heart. If you’re the eyes-open-in-the-frenzy type, then maybe you’ve found more than lust.
2. You’re fearless. In his book, Passionate Marriage, Dr. David Schnarch recommends increasing intimacy by having eyes-open sex and eyes-open orgasms to avoid “tuning out” your partner. This takes a bit (okay more like gallons and gallons) of self confidence to be able to feel the sexual vibes of your partner, sense their eroticism, and reveal your own vibes and eroticism right back. If you’re into eyes-open orgasm, you probably don’t need the back patting efforts of your partner to feel secure sharing your O-face.
3. You appreciate a challenge. Maybe you want to increase the intimacy in your relationship or maybe you want to turn up the sexual sizzle. One way to do that is to challenge yourself to have eyes-open orgasms. The interesting part of this challenge is that it’s less about the physical exchange you’ll have with your partner and more about actually feeling your partner. Are you up for this?

If we stop to think about all the effort we put into making others look at our faces — the lip gloss and eye makeup, the plucking and trimming, the smiling and winking — is it any wonder these vision traps lead to orgasm faces that intrigue and confuse us?

Go ahead and let your O-face shine. There’s a reason humans are able to have face-to-face intercourse.