avatarJose Montanez

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Abstract

ed speaking to me. They suggested to sit in the rain. Why? Beats the shit out of me. I do have a couple of theories, though.</p><ul><li>Seeking a moment in solitude</li><li>Seeking a moment in misery</li><li>Speaking to my inner self</li><li>Speaking to God</li><li>All of the above</li></ul><p id="88fd">The real answer is I don’t know. I did do all the listed theories, though.</p><h2 id="adf5">Current State of Mind</h2><p id="8108">I am preoccupied my mind with what has happened and could be. I am struggling to stay in the present. So much anger plagues my heart at the moment.</p><blockquote id="972b"><p>“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” — Master Oogway, Kung Fu Panda</p></blockquote><p id="5ad5">I am grieving loss right now. I am seeking solitude to speak and find myself. I have also lost trust in myself. I must find it again. But that’s where I am holding the most anger toward. The fact that I let this happen. The fact that I failed to do what I needed. For that, I now pay the price.</p><p id="53f5">While I am letting go, it’s not happening fast enough. I understand that’s the process. But, I know I am torturing myself. I know I am punishing myself. I have to shift to be kind to myself instead, though. I must let go of my anger toward myself and the situation.</p><blockquote id="14ad"><p>“Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” — Master Yoda</p></blockquote><div id="dd87" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/rolling-with-change-your-journey-to-getting-stronger-96e058ad6191"> <div> <div> <h2>Rolling with Change: Your Journey to Getting Stronger</h2> <div><h3>How to handle changes for a better you</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*[email protected])"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="8f2b">What about the Rain?</h2><p id="8597">I have been seeking solitude to think, to reflect. It’s the best place for me. It removes all distractions and I can focus on myself.</p><p id="6464">The rain was the environment to create solitude. While I live by myself, distractions are still a thing. For instance, my phone. Guess what did not come with me in the rain — my phone.</p><div id="c02f" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/contemplating-silence-the-power-of-solitude-in-a-mans-reflections-b3463e69943d"> <div> <div> <h2>Contemplating Silence: The Power of Solitude in a Man’s Reflections</h2> <div><h3>How often do you sit to think?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*[email protected])"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="b18d">But why the rain? Well, do you want to sit in the rain with me? Probably not, but you can let me know in the comments.</p><p id="d744">Here’s the reality. The rain is wet and cold. No matter the climate you are in. Water sucks up the heat from your body. No one likes to be both wet and cold. It’s miserable. Thus, I am very likely — and grateful — to be alone in the rain. It’s like jumping in the Pacific Ocean off the coast of California. It’s cold as fuck. And very few people stick around to enjoy its benefits.</p><p id="faab">Rain is very similar. Though, I have never heard of anyone sitting in the rain to reflect. I am sure there are people out there that have. If you are one of them, let me know. Share your experience.</p><p id="18ca">So… I drank two cups of coffee while the rain was coming and going. Then it started to come down pretty well. That’s when I decided to head outside. I went out to the patio barefooted. The floor is cement and it’s cold. I can feel the heat radiating off my feet into the cement.</p><p id="2c19">The water is cold against my skin. It doesn’t take long for the water to permeate through my Under Armour pullover. I walked to the rocking chairs I had on my patio and sat down. The cushions are full of water, of course. It has been raining on and off all morning, after all. A cold shock hits me up my spine. I relax into it.</p><p id="c877">As I sit back on the chair, I look up to the sky. The raindrops fell on my head. I tune everything else out. I can only hear the rain falling and my breathing.</p><p id="9e0e">The rain pours down about 5 minutes after I sit down. My clothes are now soaked. My body begins to shiver. I continue to give away heat to the water in my clothes. I don’t move, though. I breathe and relax into it.</p><p id="

Options

c337">The rain ceases a bit. I begin to talk to myself in my head, as though I am meditating. I focus on my breathing. I focus on my body shivering. I focus on my muscles contracting to create heat.</p><p id="53a5">At some point, I began to speak to God. It was like a prayer but not quite. I was having a conversation. I did not hear a voice other than my own in my head. I did feel like something else was with me. I could feel the presence of something else nearby. I could sense the rain picking up as I was speaking to God. And it did…</p><p id="dce7">Rain began pouring down right after I declared the following in my mind. “Stop it! I am being a hypocrite. I know what I did and I know what I need to do.” The skies opened up and rain started coming down hard on me. I sat there, looking up to the sky, closed my eyes, and took in the experience.</p><div id="d17d" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/owning-my-path-lessons-with-extreme-ownership-3fc4ef42dd13"> <div> <div> <h2>Owning my Path: Lessons with Extreme Ownership</h2> <div><h3>Take responsibility of everything in your life: the good and bad</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*dAXUrlN9MbiPzSJs3VPJuQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="3ea2">I took it as God’s way of approving my decision and course of action. My first step to letting go of my anger. Which starts with facing my fear. The fear of not “being enough.” The fear of “am I doing enough?” The thing that keeps me going to be the best that I can be.</p><p id="7d35">I sat there on my rocking chair for a total of 20 minutes. My body was no longer shivering but I could feel the cold. I could feel my feet were no longer giving off heat to the ground. The water in my clothes no longer bothered my skin. My breathing stabilized. It was not forced or intentional. I resumed my normal body functions. I was no longer fighting the effects of the elements. The rain was no longer making me feel uncomfortable.</p><p id="8e90">I knew then that the session was over. I was no longer putting anything in nor getting anything out of it. I met the intent.</p><h2 id="60b2">What Came Out of It?</h2><p id="ecf4">In short, confessions. I have to face all my wrongdoings. I have to atone for all my failures. This includes my failure as a:</p><ul><li>Person</li><li>Son</li><li>U.S. Marine and leader</li><li>Father</li><li>Husband</li><li>Friend</li></ul><p id="098a">It’s likely impossible to do this to every single person I have failed. Thus, I will write a book about my life story. How a simple and ordinary man failed at every relationship, to include one with himself. And how to come back from it. How to rise above it. For my story ends when I die. And that’s not happening yet.</p><div id="1a8e" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-power-of-starting-with-the-end-in-mind-crafting-a-memorable-legacy-940361cf6122"> <div> <div> <h2>The Power of Starting with the End in Mind: Crafting a Memorable Legacy</h2> <div><h3>Have you ever wondered what your legacy will be? How will the people you leave behind after you pass remember you?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*7G86McxBr7R36TfzFLBP5w.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="c057">If you are still reading this, thank you.</p><p id="dedf">Thank you for sticking around and seeing this story through until the end. While I wrote this story more for me than for you, I do hope it brought you value as well.</p><h2 id="14d3">About Jose</h2><div id="1a3d" class="link-block"> <a href="https://jose-e-montanez18.medium.com/hi-im-jose-it-s-a-pleasure-to-connect-with-you-2ee4be6215ba"> <div> <div> <h2>Hi! I’m Jose. It’s a Pleasure to Connect with You</h2> <div><h3>Thank you for reading and connecting with me.</h3></div> <div><p>jose-e-montanez18.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*gr36vRgdM5YXzaBwtvYV0g.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="6ea6">Disclaimer</h2><blockquote id="237b"><p>I included affiliate links to this story. I earn a commission whenyou buy a product using my links at no extra cost to you. Thank you for your support Congratulations on your investment!</p></blockquote></article></body>

THE POWER OF SOLITUDE FOR A MAN

The Morning I Sat in the Rain: A Day of Reflection

Creating an environment to speak with God and I

Medium Non-Members Can Read The Full Story Here!

An AI-generated photo of the actual rocking chairs in the author’s patio using Wonder App

The day was Tuesday, November 28th, 2023. Everything was the same it always was with me. I have quite a routine. I seldom break away from my routine.

It was raining that morning in Oahu, HI. I woke up at 3:15 am to the sound of my alarm. I did go back to sleep instead of rising right then and there. I woke back up at 3:55 am. I went straight to my computer to get to work.

First, I fill up my gallon of Kangen Water®. While that’s filling up I turn on my computer and load my browser. Then I come back to the room to dress the bed. By the time I am done with the bed, the gallon is ready.

Time to get to work on email marketing. That’s my first task for the day. I sent an email to 9,000 about e-commerce opportunities. I use My Lead Gen Secret to send an email to 9,000 qualified leads.

Then I repurpose the email with the help of AI into a Facebook post. I switched to social media marketing. I may also share a couple of other related posts for visibility.

Then I turned to content marketing. I began to write a short story for Medium.com. Today, I had 3 stories already written. I meant to publish one and I did.

Since I am on vacation right now, I don’t have to worry about getting on the road. I did want to work out, though. I have been out of the game for 2 weeks due to travel for work and Thanksgiving holiday. I am following a bodyweight routine right now since I am not going to hit the gym for a bit. I am traveling again for the next two weeks.

The time came to leave the house while it was raining. I did. Rain has stopped me before, but not today. And I pledge to continue to do so for as long as I breathe. One thing at a time, though.

I ran to a local park near my house. I worked out my upper body with calisthenics and bodyweight exercises. Then I finish my workout with a run around the block.

The rain ceased on my way to the park. A bit of a shame. I was looking forward to working out in the rain this morning for some reason. But the rain came back while I was finishing my run.

As I was walking home, the urge hit me. My thoughts started speaking to me. They suggested to sit in the rain. Why? Beats the shit out of me. I do have a couple of theories, though.

  • Seeking a moment in solitude
  • Seeking a moment in misery
  • Speaking to my inner self
  • Speaking to God
  • All of the above

The real answer is I don’t know. I did do all the listed theories, though.

Current State of Mind

I am preoccupied my mind with what has happened and could be. I am struggling to stay in the present. So much anger plagues my heart at the moment.

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” — Master Oogway, Kung Fu Panda

I am grieving loss right now. I am seeking solitude to speak and find myself. I have also lost trust in myself. I must find it again. But that’s where I am holding the most anger toward. The fact that I let this happen. The fact that I failed to do what I needed. For that, I now pay the price.

While I am letting go, it’s not happening fast enough. I understand that’s the process. But, I know I am torturing myself. I know I am punishing myself. I have to shift to be kind to myself instead, though. I must let go of my anger toward myself and the situation.

“Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” — Master Yoda

What about the Rain?

I have been seeking solitude to think, to reflect. It’s the best place for me. It removes all distractions and I can focus on myself.

The rain was the environment to create solitude. While I live by myself, distractions are still a thing. For instance, my phone. Guess what did not come with me in the rain — my phone.

But why the rain? Well, do you want to sit in the rain with me? Probably not, but you can let me know in the comments.

Here’s the reality. The rain is wet and cold. No matter the climate you are in. Water sucks up the heat from your body. No one likes to be both wet and cold. It’s miserable. Thus, I am very likely — and grateful — to be alone in the rain. It’s like jumping in the Pacific Ocean off the coast of California. It’s cold as fuck. And very few people stick around to enjoy its benefits.

Rain is very similar. Though, I have never heard of anyone sitting in the rain to reflect. I am sure there are people out there that have. If you are one of them, let me know. Share your experience.

So… I drank two cups of coffee while the rain was coming and going. Then it started to come down pretty well. That’s when I decided to head outside. I went out to the patio barefooted. The floor is cement and it’s cold. I can feel the heat radiating off my feet into the cement.

The water is cold against my skin. It doesn’t take long for the water to permeate through my Under Armour pullover. I walked to the rocking chairs I had on my patio and sat down. The cushions are full of water, of course. It has been raining on and off all morning, after all. A cold shock hits me up my spine. I relax into it.

As I sit back on the chair, I look up to the sky. The raindrops fell on my head. I tune everything else out. I can only hear the rain falling and my breathing.

The rain pours down about 5 minutes after I sit down. My clothes are now soaked. My body begins to shiver. I continue to give away heat to the water in my clothes. I don’t move, though. I breathe and relax into it.

The rain ceases a bit. I begin to talk to myself in my head, as though I am meditating. I focus on my breathing. I focus on my body shivering. I focus on my muscles contracting to create heat.

At some point, I began to speak to God. It was like a prayer but not quite. I was having a conversation. I did not hear a voice other than my own in my head. I did feel like something else was with me. I could feel the presence of something else nearby. I could sense the rain picking up as I was speaking to God. And it did…

Rain began pouring down right after I declared the following in my mind. “Stop it! I am being a hypocrite. I know what I did and I know what I need to do.” The skies opened up and rain started coming down hard on me. I sat there, looking up to the sky, closed my eyes, and took in the experience.

I took it as God’s way of approving my decision and course of action. My first step to letting go of my anger. Which starts with facing my fear. The fear of not “being enough.” The fear of “am I doing enough?” The thing that keeps me going to be the best that I can be.

I sat there on my rocking chair for a total of 20 minutes. My body was no longer shivering but I could feel the cold. I could feel my feet were no longer giving off heat to the ground. The water in my clothes no longer bothered my skin. My breathing stabilized. It was not forced or intentional. I resumed my normal body functions. I was no longer fighting the effects of the elements. The rain was no longer making me feel uncomfortable.

I knew then that the session was over. I was no longer putting anything in nor getting anything out of it. I met the intent.

What Came Out of It?

In short, confessions. I have to face all my wrongdoings. I have to atone for all my failures. This includes my failure as a:

  • Person
  • Son
  • U.S. Marine and leader
  • Father
  • Husband
  • Friend

It’s likely impossible to do this to every single person I have failed. Thus, I will write a book about my life story. How a simple and ordinary man failed at every relationship, to include one with himself. And how to come back from it. How to rise above it. For my story ends when I die. And that’s not happening yet.

If you are still reading this, thank you.

Thank you for sticking around and seeing this story through until the end. While I wrote this story more for me than for you, I do hope it brought you value as well.

About Jose

Disclaimer

I included affiliate links to this story. I earn a commission whenyou buy a product using my links at no extra cost to you. Thank you for your support Congratulations on your investment!

Reflections
Reflections Of Life
Reflections On Life
Personal
Personal Development
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