The Insider Secrets of Divorce
3 Things no one warns you about
Women’s publications are full of diet secrets, makeup tips, and relationship advice. They talk about affairs and cheating but they don’t warn women about the insider secrets of divorce.
I just wrote 13 Things to Know Before Divorce — Divorce advice for the naive and trusting.
These are the specifics of marital problems and potential divorce preparation. It’s critical to know all of this information.
But there are 3 broad insider secrets no one warns you about.
I’ve spent a decade in the counseling and research of relationships, marriage, divorce, and narcissistic personality disorder. I write about the highs and lows of love. I urge both men and women to educate themselves and self-protect in divorce.
As a journalist, I no longer write about other topics.
Why?
I got taken to the cleaners. Worse, I held my husband’s hand as he blindly led me there. I no longer refer to it as stupidity. I call it trusting someone.
In actuality, it was a lack of awareness of divorce facts.
When you get a house you buy insurance. Not because you want anything to happen but because it can. You learn things out of necessity. Over time, you become a knowledgeable homeowner.
Not in divorce.
People hire experts and expect them to be knowledgeable. They blindly hold their hand just as they once held their spouse’s. They get led toward an outcome while they are going through an experience they know nothing about.
The minute I began my divorce, here’s what I should have been told.
1. The Insider Secrets of Divorce — Trust no one
Even if you trust your spouse — Don’t trust your spouse.
Expect the unexpected. Expect bad behavior. Do your due diligence to make sure money hasn’t been manipulated, or hidden, or there hasn’t been a transfer of assets.
Even if you refuse to believe your spouse is capable of it.
Don’t go blindly into divorce. Be aware. Investigate the possibilities of affairs, financial abuse, or parental alienation.
2. The Insider Secrets of Divorce — Financial Ed
Get a financial education on your particular employment situation.
Is your spouse self-employed? If so, the biggest financial abuse in divorce is among the self-employed because they can manipulate and lower income.
The financial aspects of every divorce are wildly different.
Does your spouse receive bonuses? Certain professions that include base salary and bonuses can promote financial abuse. The bonuses can be held until the following year when a divorce is finalized.
Are you a stay-at-home mother? Did you blindly sign tax returns out of trust? If so, go back and study all of that financial information.
3. The Insider Secrets of Divorce — Control
Unfortunately, whoever controls the money will ultimately be in control.
You need to digest this, let it sink in, marinate in it, and do something about it. Figure out a way to not only meet your immediate legal bills but ensure you have enough money to have the best possible outcome.
Divorce, at least the ugliest ones are about control.
If the person who is bent on winning has possession and control of all finances you may have an unfortunate outcome. Do what is necessary to prevent this from happening.
Get a job, take out a few credit cards, sock some money away before you leave, anything and everything so that your spouse can’t wear you down over time and money.
Summary
Good people often go into divorce unaware and unprepared.
They believe in their spouse, in fairness, and in the system.
They conduct divorce emotionally. Would you buy a house based solely on emotion? No. It may not end up being a good investment. Divorce is an investment in your future.
Both emotionally and financially.
Be smart don’t divorce with your heart.
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