Will Bugs Bunny Be Held Accountable for His Crimes?

The Insanity Evaluation of Bugs Bunny Related to Crimes Committed Against the United States

Reported findings from the forensic evaluation which assessed whether Bugs Bunny knew right from wrong when he committed his crimes.

I have been consulted by the U.S. Government to evaluate a federal prisoner named, Mr. Bugs Bunny, for psychological soundness after he entered a plea of not guilty. Mr. Bunny has not enlisted counsel and has rejected the counsel assigned to him, stating that he does not need it and will act on his own behalf in subsequent proceedings.. Due to the unusual and extensive nature of his crimes, his lack of a criminal record prior to this time and his refusal to be represented by an attorney, the Court has asked for a psychological evaluation to be conducted to determine his understanding of what he did and why and to decide whether to accept his guilty plea or enter a plea of not guilty by reason of insanity on his behalf.

Crimes

Mr. Bunny has pleaded guilty to a number of crimes. Following an extensive background investigation, the courts have dismissed the terrorism charges. However, a number of crimes remain that he will be sentenced on if his guilty plea is accepted. Mr. Bunny has pleaded guilty to several counts of vandalism, criminal mischief and fraud including:

• Mailing himself to Washington in violation of U.S. Postal Laws on Shipping Restrictions
• Vandalizing Warren Buffet’s private honorary bench and renaming it, “The Bugs Bunny Bench”
• Criminal mischief involving reprogramming the Chicago Cubs scoreboard to read “Bugs Bunny Waz Here”
• Destruction of a federal landmark involving painting the Washington Monument to resemble a lighthouse
• Destruction of federal property involving opening the spillway gates at the Hoover Dam and causing serious flooding to the surrounding areas
• Destroying the border wall and setting up huge signs which read, “America Welcomes You With Open Arms, Tell All Your Friends”
• Selling everything west of Mississippi back to the Native Americans for 100 wampum shell beads
• Stranding President Trump on the Baja Peninsula, then sawing it off and letting it float out to sea (The President was not rescued for 17 days as apparently no one was aware he was missing. Despite the Presidents protests this charge was reduced to a misdemeanor.)

In addition to these charges, there were two additional felony assault and battery charges, one attempted assault and battery charge, and one resisting arrest charge. The two assault charges involved Mr. Bunny attacking a security guard with his own billy club and causing damage to the eyes of the Game Commissioner by throwing ink at him. The attempt charge involved the defendant further threatening bodily harm to the Game Commissioner with a weapon (a sharp fountain pen) then escaping by jumping down a rabbit hole and tunneling away.

Although Mr. Bunny refuses to claim insanity, given the impulsive and irrational nature of these crimes and the inconsistencies with his previous behavior, the Court is asking for an opinion to determine whether they will enter an insanity plea on his behalf prior to his sentencing hearing.

Interview

Mr. Bunny appeared to be well groomed and oriented and seemed to be in good spirits, greeting me pleasantly with, “What’s up, Doc?”

There seemed to be a good relationship between Mr. Bunny and the guards, as evidenced by them joking with each other, and one of the guards bringing in large carrot which he put by Mr. Bunny’s free hand. Mr. Bunny quickly picked up the carrot and began to nibble on it.

“A habit I just can’t break, doc. But as far as habits go, not the worst, eh? But you know what they say — Sometimes a carrot is just a carrot.”

I discussed the purpose of the evaluation, explaining the limits of confidentiality in this case since it was a court ordered evaluation. The defendant replied,

“Confidentiality is the last thing I want! You could shout what I’ve done from the rafters for all I care. Hey, that’s actually a great idea! It will get the message across much faster that way.”

I reviewed the various charges with the defendant, and asked him if understood the nature of what he’d pled guilty to He replied:

“Of course I do, doc. Make sure you make a note of that, too! I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I was just some rebel or rabid rabbit that wasn’t a perfect specimen that should serve as an example for all rabbitkind.”

I asked him to tell me what happened in his own words.

“Well, it all started when I was walking through the forest and noticed bounty signs had been put up. The first one I saw said 50 bucks bounty for a fox. The next one I saw a said 75 bucks for a bear. Then I saw a sign that said 2 cents for a rabbit. 2 cents! Can you believe such an insult? You have to agree that rabbits are worth more than mangy old foxes and bears. It was nothing short of discrimination. So I decided to go to Washington to do something about it.”

I pointed out that bounties were given for killing animals and that the higher the bounty the more likely a hunter would be to try to kill that type of animal. That meant that rabbits were pretty safe as hunters wouldn’t be likely to go after something that paid almost nothing. However, this just seemed to upset him further. He replied.

“Who’s side are you on anyway, doc? A bounty reflects how much they see animals being worth. And rabbits are worth more than other animals, certainly more than stupid old foxes and bears!”

Before I could explain that I wasn’t on anyone’s side and was there to evaluate him and report my impressions truthfully, he continued.

“So I got myself mailed to Washington. First class, you know. Don’t like to travel with the riffraff. That charge really should have been dropped. Nobody told me anything about any rules regarding being mailed.”

I underscored the testimony which showed that he had been informed about what was required when shipping livestock specifically that you couldn’t do so through the U.S. mail.

“Rabbits are NOT livestock, doc. We’re rabbits! Plus, the mail carrier gave me a stamp and stamped it. I still have it, see?”

He lifted up his arm and there was in fact, a canceled first class postage stamp under his arm. He remarked,

“I haven’t been able to get it off since I stuck it there, no matter how many times I wash.”

I asked about the assault on the Game Commissioner.

“Well, I demanded to know why rabbits were only worth 2 cents. The jerk said that other animals are harmful, destructive, and obnoxious to people, and that they do damage. Then he dared to say that bunny rabbits are soft, sweet and cuddly creatures that wouldn’t hurt a fly. He called us harmless, if you can believe that! He made us sound like teddy bears, for pete’s sake! We’re wild animals too you know.”

I assured him that I did, and asked why he felt the need to attack the two men.

“Aw, I didn’t attack anyone! I grabbed the fountain pen to underscore my point that rabbits aren’t silly, little fluff balls and just got carried away. The security guard hadn’t stopped me on the way in though he stopped a group of school kids with two chaperones. He thought that school kids were scarier than I was!

So after the indignity I suffered at the hands of the Game Commissioner, I was steamed! When the guard added insult to injury by not even noticing me when I left or bothering to frisk me to see if I’d taken the stupid commissioners toupe or something, that was it! I grabbed his club and sort of knocked him around on the legs a little. But what if I’d been a terrorist rabbit, doc? He would have been in so much more trouble, don’t cha think?”

I tried to point out that regardless of that, he had in fact, intentionally hurt the guard, inflicting blows with a hard bat like object. The defendant didn’t seem to hear me, or perhaps just wasn’t paying attention, and went on.

“So you see why I had to do what I did, right doc? I couldn’t have the whole world think that rabbits could be dismissed and ignored, calculating our worth to be a mere two cents while practically every other wild animal had bounties that said they were valued and worth a ton of money, could I?”

Again, I made the case that bounties aren’t indicative of an animals worth in terms of positive values but represented their negative characteristics such as how dangerous they were.

The defendant did not seem to appreciate the distinction, becoming seemingly angry when this point was raised, shouting,

“Being seen as DANGEROUS is something that makes people sit up and take notice! So is being DESTRUCTIVE and HARMFUL and even OBNOXIOUS! FLUFFY gets you NOWHERE, doc!

He calmed down quickly and apologized for his outburst saying,

“I’m really sorry about that, doc. It’s just that us rabbits have been faced with fighting against wimpy stereotypes ever since those stupid, Watership Down rabbits published their story. I mean their names are damaging enough! Dandelion and Blackberry and Hazel — What kind of names are those for rabbits, especially male rabbits? So of course, with this latest slight, I felt, being one of the most recognized celebrity rabbits, that it was my responsibility to correct this reputation before it got further out of hand!”

He went on to recount the crimes he committed as listed above (a more complete account can be found in the court record).

When he’d concluded his account of events, to clarify fully, I asked, “Then all of the crimes you have pled guilty to, you committed them intentionally?” to which he replied,

“Of course, doc! That’s what I’ve been saying!”

I then asked if looking back he could say with certainty that he had known what he was doing when he committed each crime and that he hadn’t just let things get out of control because he was angry like he had with the Game Commissioner. Here he looked at me for a minute before replying.

“I don’t know how else to say it, doc. My reputation and the reputations of rabbits everywhere was being smeared by the bounty. I had to prove that we were every bit as worthy of a high bounty as those other animals. So I did what I had to do. I’m sorry if anyone was hurt in the process, that wasn’t my intention and I do regret that part. But as for the rest, I did what was necessary to make our real value known and have this be reflected by a new bounty.”

I responded with a reality check. “But what did it really accomplish? There was a million dollar price put on your head but that was applied to you alone not all rabbits. The bounty for the rest of the rabbit population remains at two cents.”

In reply to this, Mr. Bunny smiled and said,

“Do you really think so, doc?”

When asked what he meant, he just continued to smile as he was led out of the evaluation room and back to his cell.

The Definition of Insanity and Conclusions

The definition of insanity used for the purpose of this evaluation is as follows: A defendant would be considered not guilty by reason of insanity if at the time the crimes were committed, as a result of a severe mental disease or defect, he was unable to appreciate the nature and quality or the wrongfulness of his acts. In other words, when the crime was committed the defendant did not know what he was doing or if he did, he didn’t realize it was wrong.

Based on the interview with the defendant, it is clear that not only did he know what he was doing was wrong, he committed the crimes purposely because they were wrong. It was his stated intention to prove that rabbits were destructive and dangerous and he clearly explained that he committed the crimes in order to make rabbits appear threatening and malicious in order to increase their bounty.

There is some question as to how rational the defendant’s conceptualization of a bounty is. While higher bounties lead to a greater likelihood an animal will be killed, he views it as a positive indication of worth and value, despite it putting an animals life at risk. He attempted to ignore the potential reality of countless fatalities for rabbits should their bounty be increased significantly.

But he finally did express understanding of this fact though he minimized it, calling it an acceptable level of risk in light of the alternative. About this he said, “It’s just non-physical murder which may leave us alive but wipes us from the world stage none-the-less. Better some die physically so the rest can really live rather than all die, doc.”

There does remain some concern over whether the defendants reality testing is fully intact. This includes what appear to be delusions of grandeur (e.g. his belief that only he can save the entire rabbit population from a fate worse than death, and his apparent belief that his actions would have far reaching implications beyond the bounty placed on his head alone).

However, there seems to be no question that the defendant knowingly and intentionally committed the crimes for which he is being sentenced and that he knew that they were wrong when he committed them, in fact, choosing to commit them because they were wrong. As such, he does not meet the criteria for being considered insane for the purposes of the court proceedings.

I thank the court for the referral, and hope the information provided here is helpful in the task that you have before you. If I can be of any further assistance please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Sincerely,

Janez Kanin, Ph.D. Forensic Psychologist

Addendum

Two days after this evaluation was completed, a news story came to my attention, entitled: “Public Seeks Redress, Demand Action After Bugs Bunny Crime Spree, Rabbit Bounty Increased to $100,000 a Head” (clipping included)

While this does not alter my findings in regards to whether or not Mr. Bugs Bunny fits the definition of “insane,” it is clear that his actions have had exactly the effect he intended. In my opinion, his actions, albeit misguided, also seem to have been generated genuinely from concern related to his species.

I believe that with counseling, education to teach him how best to effect change, and training in coping strategies for his tendency to act rashly when he loses his temper that he would be an excellent leader for the members of his species who are currently leaderless. I further believe that it would be a waste of exceptional talent, intelligence, charisma and leadership potential to jail him without any type of intervention and training to help develop these skills. This will enable him when he is released to be able to help his species realize a sense of value and worth which apparently is currently a very real and significant struggle for them.

If you enjoyed reading this story, you might also like these:

You can find links to my other work on Medium and follow me here. Thanks for reading and for supporting Mental Gecko!