The Freeze Response: When Trauma Leaves You Paralyzed
Is your procrastination a trauma response?
Just like fight or flight, freezing is an automatic, involuntary response to a threat. That means it’s not a conscious decision — it’s something we do unconsciously to protect ourselves.
We freeze when we feel completely helpless, meaning when the circumstances are so painful/stressful that we can’t fight, and flight is not possible either. Sometimes, the freeze response is so ingrained in our minds that we don’t even realize it is our go-to response.
Many of us associate freezing with “dissociating” or “going blank” under specific circumstances, but the truth is that it’s much more complex than that. Some people are continually stuck in the freeze response or spend 60% of their lives freezing — that was my case.
So how exactly does the freeze response manifest in our adult lives?
Let’s dive into it.
Why Do We Freeze?
Usually, people associate the freeze response with traumatic situations like sexual or physical abuse. However, it can also be a response to prolonged stress (like growing up in a dysfunctional family).
When that’s the case, we “learn to freeze” in childhood. As children, we’re too small to fight or run away from our parents. If their behavior is unfair, inconsistent, or even abusive, we feel completely powerless. The only thing we can do is numb ourselves and dissociate.
As I wrote before, our trauma responses are largely based on what our brains think will help us survive the situation.
Sometimes your brain thinks fighting is not possible, so it immediately turns to other coping mechanisms like freezing or fawning. Or, you may gravitate towards one response but have a different response in certain situations. It all depends on your background. For instance, my predominant responses have always been fawn and flight. However, I also tend to freeze when certain emotions come up.
“Long-term rejection by family or peers in childhood can cause extreme feelings and trauma. The child may decide that they must be worthless or worse. Children need acceptance to mature correctly, so without their parents and peers showing them they are wanted and valuable, they shrivel and later grow to be traumatized adults.”
Shirley Davis in Rejection Trauma and the Freeze/Fawn Response
‘Laziness,’ Lack of Motivation, And Procrastination
When there’s a threat and our subconscious mind thinks fighting is not an option, we go into a freeze state. We feel powerless, our bodies shut down, and we’re unable to react to whatever is happening to us.
More often than not, the freeze response lasts between 30 to 90 seconds. However, some of us get stuck in it for weeks, months, or even years.
When we’re stuck in freeze, we feel numb and immobilized. We have no energy, and every task feels like a nightmare (even small things like taking a shower or preparing a meal). To make things even worse, we then judge ourselves for not being productive and motivated. We think, “what’s wrong with me?” only to make the “same mistakes” the next day, reinforcing the feelings of self-hatred and unworthiness.
Another common sign we’re stuck in freeze is feeling an extreme need to isolate. People who freeze often struggle with thoughts/beliefs like “I can only be myself when I’m alone,” which leads them to isolate themselves from loved ones.
Here’s a small list of signs you’re stuck in freeze:
- when something triggers you (when you have to deal with emotionally difficult situations), you get extremely tired. You just want to lay in your bed all day and do nothing;
- you tend to distract yourself with movies, series, or video games (anything that allows you to temporarily ignore your emotions);
- you keep telling yourself, “just move,” but it feels like you have no control over your own body. You know you’re physically able to move but can’t;
- even though you’re somewhat numb, your muscles are very tense and you still struggle with intrusive thoughts;
- all your goals suddenly become secondary because you can’t even shower or eat properly;
- overall you feel very disconnected from yourself and have no idea what to do or how to cope.
From my experience, freeze is the most complex and confusing trauma response. The other responses are easy to identify: when you’re in fight mode, your body is anxious, and ready to react and protect yourself. On the other hand, you can freeze for weeks and not even know it.
The first time I realized I was frozen was a few months ago.
Suddenly, I went through a period of complete apathy. I had no energy and all I wanted to do was compulsively distract myself. Then, I realized it was not the first time I was going through this — and I also realized it all started when I had to deal with a family situation that made me feel completely powerless.
Fortunately, I have an amazing therapist that has been helping me process everything.
Being stuck in freeze can feel like being trapped under a magic spell. You feel disconnected from yourself and have no idea of what to do to repair that connection.
Becoming aware of the fact that you’re freezing is 90% of the healing process. It allows you to see your behavioral patterns as a coping mechanism rather than judging yourself for being “lazy” and “unmotivated.”
There’s no quick fix. The best thing you can do is take small steps every day to regulate your nervous system. And, if you can afford it, work with a well-trained therapist to better understand your trauma.
