There’s Nothing Wrong With You. You’re Not Lazy. You’re Traumatized
If you feel stuck, read this.
We all feel stuck every once in a while. However, some of us are chronically stuck.
When that’s the case, we tend to judge ourselves too harshly. We think we’re lazy, unmotivated, and incapable. We think there’s something wrong with us.
Well, let me tell you this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You’re not lazy. You’re not incapable. You’re traumatized.
Your body is using the freeze response to protect you from something.
What The Freeze Response Looks Like
Every once in a while, I experience periods of complete apathy. Sometimes, they last for weeks. Other times, they last for months.
When I experience these periods, I feel like I’m trapped under a magic spell. A spell that makes every little thing seem like an impossible task.
I can’t move. I can’t work. I forget to eat. I don’t have the motivation to do anything. The only thing I want to do is compulsively distract myself with movies, series, and TV shows.
You’re probably thinking “so, you’re depressed”. But here’s the thing: I’ve been depressed before, and I know this is not it. Sure, emotional numbness can be a symptom of depression. But when I was depressed, I was in pain. I was in so much pain. I had no goals whatsoever because simply existing was painful.
This time, I do have goals. I do have dreams. And I certainly do have motivation. However, it feels like I also have a switch that I can’t control. A switch that turns off by itself.
Until a few months ago, I had no idea why I experienced this. Now, it’s all crystal clear.
I was stuck in freeze.
“When we’re stuck in freeze, we feel numb and immobilized. We have no energy, and every task feels like a nightmare (even small things like taking a shower or preparing a meal). To make things even worse, we then judge ourselves for not being productive and motivated. We think, “what’s wrong with me?” only to make the “same mistakes” the next day, reinforcing the feelings of self-hatred and unworthiness.
Another common sign we’re stuck in freeze is feeling an extreme need to isolate. People who freeze often struggle with thoughts/beliefs like “I can only be myself when I’m alone,” which leads them to isolate themselves from loved ones.”
Why We Freeze
Freezing is an automatic, involuntary response to a threat. It’s one of the 4 trauma responses that our bodies use to cope with stress.
This response can arise when:
- there’s a difficult situation to deal with;
- we don’t know how to cope with the circumstances we’re in;
- we feel completely powerless/hopeless;
- something triggers a past trauma (something makes you feel stressed, rejected, unworthy, unlovable, etc.)
As I wrote before, usually the freeze response lasts between 30 to 90 seconds. However, some of us get stuck in it for weeks, months, or even years. It all depends on our backgrounds.
This trauma response is particularly common in people that experience a lot of fear in their lives. For instance:
- if you grew up in a home where there was a lot of conflict and chaos;
- if one or both of your parents has/had rage outbursts;
- if one or both of your parents were emotionally unavailable and didn’t know how to meet your needs, meaning you felt very lonely growing up;
- if you were emotionally/physically/sexually abused;
In my case, the freeze response tends to kick in when my parents disrespect my boundaries, have emotional outbursts, or try to manipulate me into something. It triggers me because as a child I felt completely hopeless when these things happened.
Obviously, I’m not a child anymore. However, my body still tries to protect me by using the same coping mechanisms.
Freezing stems from a dysregulated nervous system.
If you want to stop freezing, or at least decrease the severity of your freeze response, you need to find ways to regulate your nervous system.
