The Seven Main Reasons Why Dating in The Modern World Is So Difficult
Dating in the modern world is not easy — here are seven reasons why
Anyone who has experienced dating in the modern world will be able to attest that it is certainly not easy. For the majority of men, the challenge is netting a date in the first place, for the majority of women, netting a date is easy, but that is the challenge.
Here are seven reasons why dating is harder than it’s ever been.
Too many options brain fog
It’s well-known that if people are made to choose between two options, they more often than not make the right choice. But, if they have to choose between more than two options, so even just three options, they become terrible at making the right choice. And the more options they have to choose between, the worse they get at making the right choice.
Here is the problem with dating apps, women are inundated with matches and can get them easily, because it is so easy for women to get matches they are overloaded with options. Considering that we are only able to consistently make the right choice when presented with two options, when presented with countless options, you can see the problem.
This brings me to the next problem. For the majority of guys, getting matches in the first place is difficult, getting a woman to respond after matching is even more difficult. This creates the reverse problem, the majority of guys simply speak to the first woman they match with that responds to them. Also, because so many guys struggle to get matches, frequently guys start swiping right to pretty much everyone.
So rather ironically, dating apps have created a situation where women have far too many options, making it extremely difficult to make a good choice. While men have far too few options, making it extremely difficult to make a good choice.
Meaning the majority of people either end up going out on loads of dates which end up leading absolutely nowhere — and that’s if they even make it to the going out on dates part before quitting dating apps completely.
So, a big reason why dating in the modern world is so hard, is because dating apps are not very good at helping people find suitable matches — at least of the long-term partner kind.
People lack social skills
The Internet is full of posts talking about how the rise of social media and the Internet has robbed people of the social skills that they need to be able to succeed at dating. I don’t dispute the fact that social media and the Internet have made it harder for people to gain real-world social skills. However, there is a factor that is frequently overlooked.
The majority of people past and present have never had good social skills in the first place — especially of the dating kind — mainly because the majority of people both past and present have never needed such skills.
Let’s talk arranged marriages, historically lots of people had them, and you certainly don’t need good social skills to get an arranged marriage. Then there is the fact that people had very few options and a relationship in the past was a necessity.
So even when people got to choose, they did not have an abundance of choice — for the best prospects, perhaps a handful at the absolute most — and they had to choose quickly. So they didn’t have much choice, and they had to choose quickly and fully commit to that choice no matter what. You don’t need good social skills to do that.
Never before in the entire history of humankind have we needed good dating social skills — until now that is. Now, if you wish to succeed at dating good social skills are a necessity because now we need to be able to sell ourselves to other people.
So, a big reason why a lot of people struggle to find a long-term partner is that lots of people simply lack the required people skills to form long-lasting connections.
We live in a dog eats dog world and so people have a tendency not to give others much leeway
Let’s be honest here, even though nobody likes to think of it this way, when you are on a date, you are attempting to sell yourself to the person you are on a date with and vice versa the person you are on a date with is trying to sell themselves to you.
The majority of people are simply terrible salespeople and so are unable to ignite a connection while out on a date. And yet because we have so many options, and so much time to dither over them, and because the Internet is full of advice saying how important it is to feel that immediate connection to a person, we do not give each other enough leeway.
Yes, that horrible word. Leeway. That girl who talks about her horribly swollen toe on your first date, that guy who seems terribly drab. You have to give them a bit of leeway to give them a chance to grow on you…
Grow on you, I know. An even worse word. But the majority of relationships are formed because people have over time grown on each other.
It almost sounds blasphemous to say it, it goes against everything you want to believe. Hell, the best love stories in fiction and the movies don’t go: he or she grew on me over time.
In real life, they tend to.
The reason being, the ability to form great connections is like the ability to sing, everyone can be taught how to, but only some people can be great singers.
Because so many of us find it difficult to accept this, and because so many of us lack the skillsets required to build the type of immediate connections we are all told we are capable of building, lots of people either remain single or struggle to form long-lasting relationships.
So, a big reason why many of us struggle with dating in the modern world is that the majority of us simply have poor people skills, and so struggle to form the instant connections we are all so desperately looking for.
Absolutely atrocious online dating advice along with endless mistruths about what makes a good and happy relationship
Any dating advice that is not along the lines of, be genuine, be yourself, if you like a person let them know, and give people you like a heavy dose of leeway because odds are they will have terrible social skills, is simply terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible dating advice.
The problem is the majority of dating advice does not sell that message.
The majority of dating advice — and relationship advice for that matter — that is sold today is more fiction, manipulation, tactics for manipulation, and a hell of a lot more uselessness.
For example, some of the worst dating advice given is that which tells women to play hard to get — it doesn’t work. And that which tells men to be mean to women — even when it does work, it turns you into an abuser.
It is not just the manipulative side of dating advice that is bad, for example, love at first sight. If you believe the majority of dating advice you would think it possible to have a connection so strong the moment you meet a person that you can love them at first sight.
You cannot.
Even if you have an amazing initial connection, it takes time for true love to form. And there will be many ups and downs along the way. Love at first sight simply means that you hit it off really well in the beginning and over the next year or so fell deeply in love.
It sucks when it is sold that way because it does not tie into the narrative we are sold that you can love somebody the first moment you meet them — life would be so much easier that way right, and we all want an easy life.
That’s what the majority of dating and relationship advice tries to sell us: that if we just do this love can be so easy.
For some people, it can be and will be. For the majority of people, it won’t be.
All in all, crazy amounts of rubbish and in some cases downright harmful dating advice — along with endless depictions of how easy long-lasting love should be — is another big reason why so many in the modern world struggle with dating and relationships.
Statistics are manipulated to fuel gender war bias
A popular statistic that is frequently thrown around is that on Tinder, the top eighty percent of women are only swiping right to the top twenty percent of men. So, if you’re not in the top twenty percent of men, you have pretty much zero hope of getting with the top eighty percent of women.
When you read statistics like that, it seems to paint a very clear picture. That women are crazy picky. How could it paint anything else?
The data makes clear that eighty percent of women are fighting over the top twenty percent of men, while eighty percent of men are fighting over the bottom twenty percent of women. That has to mean that women are crazy picky right?
Wrong. This is a perfect example of why you should be very wary of statistics.
What this statistic actually shows is that there are substantially more men on dating apps than women. In fact, globally speaking, on average eighty percent of dating app users are men and only twenty percent are women. In the UK, which has the greatest male/female disparity ratio of all the rich nations, for every one woman, there are nine men.
So, the reason the top eighty percent of women are fighting over the top twenty percent of men is that there are a lot more men than women on dating apps. Hence, why the majority of men struggle to get matches, while the majority of women are inundated with them.
The complete abuse of statistics to paint either men or women as bad people has created a blame culture where lots of men and women blame each other for everything, including their inability to find love.
It’s all lies of course and created as a means of selling news, but a lot of people don’t realise that and truly buy into it.
So, a big reason why a lot of people struggle to find long-lasting love in the modern world, is because they are inundated with information painting the gender they are attracted to as the bad guys.
Men and women are looking for partners in different places
This is the biggest problem with modern world dating. The majority of women still favour meeting partners the old-fashioned way, so in the real world — hence, why only twenty percent of dating app users are women. The majority of men are turning to dating apps while increasingly shunning the old-fashioned ways of meeting people — hence, why eighty percent of dating app users are men.
This is creating a situation where the majority of single women are looking for men in a place where the majority of single men are not looking for women, and the majority of single men are looking for women in a place where the majority of single women are not looking for men.
This is why there are a lot of single people in the modern world, and why dating is so hard. It’s not that people are choosing to remain single — some of course are — it’s that single people are simply unable to find each other because the majority of single men and women are looking for each other in different places.
Until we come up with a way to rectify that, dating is likely going to continue to be a minefield.
So yeah anyhow, rather ironically the biggest difficulty of modern dating is that it is harder than ever to actually find a person you connect with.
That’s all from me, thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy the following:
41 Hilariously Bad Chat Up Lines to Rock Your Date’s Night
Six Psychological Reasons Why The Majority Of Modern Relationships Fail
Twelve Ways to Boost Your Chances of Finding Love in the Modern World of Dating
To learn more about me see this link, to support me click the link below:
