Twelve Ways to Boost Your Chances of Finding Love in the Modern World of Dating
Dating in the modern world is hard, here are twelve ways you can boost your chances of finding love
Dating in the modern world is, to say the least, a challenging endeavour, something which at first glance may seem crazy. After all, at our fingertips, we all have access to millions of potential dating prospects. It is that fact which is increasingly making dating so difficult.
Here are twelve things you can do to increase your chances of finding love.
Stop dithering so much and start being decisive
Before the invention of dating apps, we did not have many options, meaning if we wanted to find a partner, whenever an opportunity arose we had to take it. There could be no dithering.
Now, we not only have endless options, but we also have an abundance of time to dither over those endless options. For example, we may go out on a date and decide that the person seems nice, or even that we really like the person.
But then we may wonder whether we could do better and dither and dither and dither until that person is long gone and we are on to the next person. History then repeats itself, again and again and again.
Making the conscious decision to be decisive and pursue a person you like, rather than spending forever dithering over whether there may be better options out there, is a great way to improve your chances of finding lasting love.
Learn the power of giving people leeway
Most people have average at best people skills, and people who have average at best people skills tend to struggle to form connections with people.
That means they are more likely to screw up, and frequently at that. On that first date, maybe she will creep you out by telling a story that she should have saved for a few months down the line, maybe on that first date he will bore the hell out of you by telling you a story that he probably should never have told you.
Hell, perhaps he sends you a fumbling message and it puts you off even going on a date with him and so you ghost him.
When we have so many options, why stick around with somebody who has screwed up or has said something we don’t like or that is off-putting?
Because even the most perfect person for you will frequently screw up and say things you don’t like. That’s why.
If you like a person, even if you think you may like a person, if you wish to succeed at dating and find a partner, you have to give that person a chance to prove themselves to you. Not only that, you must give yourself a chance to decide if you actually like them. That means you need to spend time with them.
Note: when I say leeway, I wish to be clear that I am not including tolerating dangerous or abusive behaviour of any kind. If any person shows even a hint of that kind of behaviour, you should immediately end your interactions with them.
Ignore the vast majority of online dating and relationship advice
If you ever read any dating or relationship advice, and it is not along the lines of, be yourself, be genuine, work on your people skills, if you like a person let them know, and give people you like a good amount of leeway because statistically speaking they probably have rubbish social skills, you are probably not reading dating advice that will be helpful to you.
Far better, if you wish to succeed at dating, is reading advice about how to build connections with people. The reason being: love is a connection. So the best advice out there is always advice that teaches you how to build genuine and long-lasting connections.
Note: a good example of a resource like this would be the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. There is not a word about dating in there, but every word is about building connections.
Start interacting with people more in real life
The majority of us simply do not have and will never have the instinctual skillsets needed to build quick bonds with people.
However, all of us have the power to build bonds with people over time — so long as you are willing to put the effort in. The rise of the Internet though is making it much harder for us to unlock those instinctual powers.
That’s why a great way to improve your chances of finding love is being around and interacting with people in real life, because doing so helps you build up the required social skills needed to form strong and long-lasting bonds with people.
Do away with notions of love at first sight and perfect relationships and things like that
Once you are in a happy relationship, it is really easy to retrospectively paint that relationship however you want to. You can tell a great story of how you both knew the first moment you met that you were destined to be together forever — even though you probably didn’t — you can say how perfect your relationship is — even though it probably isn’t. You can say whatever you want really.
However, before you are in a happy relationship you have to accept the reality. Love takes time, there is no love at first sight, you can have a great initial connection with somebody and hit it off really well, but it takes time for that connection to become real love.
Meaning most people’s love story will be a story of sort of liking each other in the beginning and then over time falling in love.
Sucks I know.
Except it doesn’t. Love formed this way is just as powerful and just as fulfilling and just as good as love formed any other way. Acknowledging this is a great way of improving your chances of finding lasting love.
Let go of rigid beliefs and learn to adapt
Mike Tyson famously said: “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” That is the perfect analogy for dating.
We all have ideas in our head of how we want our love story to go, but every person we meet, every date we go on, every relationship we have, odds are our dreams and expectations will take a figurative punch to the face.
For example, that person who you really like but for some reason you have rubbish sexual chemistry with — that’s the first punch to the face. You can either get knocked out i.e. end things, or you can get back up, work on it, adapt, change the game and see if doing so helps you find that elusive sexual chemistry.
Rigid expectation about what you want from a partner, how you want the relationship to be formed, everything, is the enemy of finding love.
This is why learning to be an adapter is a great way to improve your chances of finding long-lasting love, because it gives you the ability to change the gameplan every time you get “punched” in the face.
Take all dating advice from friends and family along with anyone else with a large pinch of salt
People have a tendency to retrospectively manipulate how their relationships are formed to paint a much rosier picture than the true one — unless of course it is an unhappy one, in which case they will probably do the opposite. Meaning the way we think it happened is in all probability not actually how it happened.
It’s not just couples who are guilty of behaviour like this. That guy telling women what men really want, he’s not likely to tell the real story of what he really wants because he probably doesn’t know himself. Instead, he will most probably paint a much rosier picture of what he wants, one that makes him seem much less methodical and much more saintly. That woman telling men what women really want will probably do the same.
This is why a great way to improve your chances of finding lasting love is to take all dating advice from family and friends with a pinch of salt, because that way you are less likely to have rose-tinted views over how relationships are formed and what makes good ones.
Don’t let rejection turn you into a hater
In a perfect world, all of us would be blessed with great dating skills meaning we would all easily find love. Alas, we don’t live in a perfect world and most of us have rubbish dating skills which is why most of us find finding love so difficult. Meaning most of us will face a large amount of rejection.
It’s not the fault of other people, it is not the fault of ourselves either, it’s just one of those things.
So a great way to improve your chances of finding love is not hating others for not wanting to date you, nor is it not hating yourself for not being able to net a date or find love, it is simply being patient and working on identifying why you are struggling to find love and making changes to rectify the problem.
Stop being so hard on yourself
Everybody has lots to offer. Everybody. It doesn’t matter who you are, you have lots to offer. Forgetting this is one of the most certain ways to make finding love difficult. That’s why a great way to improve your chances of finding love, is to stop being so hard on yourself and give yourself a chance.
If you don’t, how can you ever expect anyone else to? You deserve a chance. Everybody deserves a chance. So, give yourself one, and remember that famous saying, nobody can love you until you first give them a chance to by accepting yourself as somebody worthy of being loved.
That doesn’t mean start being an arrogant dick/bitch, it just means stop punishing yourself and start building yourself up rather than putting yourself down.
Focus on learning how to be yourself around people
How can a person ever fall in love with you if they can’t get to know you? The real you that is. And how can a person get to know the real you if you don’t know the real you?
A great way to improve your chances of finding love is by focusing on finding yourself and learning how to be yourself around people. After all, if a person is going to fall in love with you, the key is having the ability to show that person who you are so that they can fall in love with you.
So, a great way to improve your chances of finding lasting love is by focusing on discovering who you are and sharing that person with people.
Work on being yourself
The more you have to give, the more you have to offer, and the more you have to offer the better your chances of finding love. It may be a methodical and cold way of thinking, but it is simply indisputable that people date you for what you have. This is well known but it’s also well misunderstood.
Most people think that it means money, materialistic items, appearance and things like that. It does. But that is only a tiny part of what it means. The biggest thing you have to offer is yourself. Who you are is part of what you have. Your personality, your kindness, your intellect, every part of you. That is the biggest thing you have to offer. Not money or materialistic items.
Meaning one of the best ways to improve your chances of finding lasting love is to continually work on being yourself, because the more you are able to say, “I am who I am and this is me and I’m okay with that”, the more attractive you will be.
Stop listening to people, and start hearing them
Listening to people is easy, hearing them requires genuineness. So you have to genuinely care about what they are saying otherwise all you will be doing is going through the motions. Meaning listening is not hearing.
So be genuine with your praise, be genuine with your attention. It’s okay to now and then to go through the motions, nobody can ever hold somebody’s full and genuine attention indefinitely.
But make certain that you actually hear what people are saying to you and respond to it with genuineness. If you can’t, then either try changing the subject or changing the people because the more genuine you are with a person, the more reasons you will find to be genuine in the future and vice versa. And that is the key to finding love, mutual genuineness.
That’s all from me, thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy the following:
The Five Main Reasons Why Dating in The Modern World Is So Difficult
12 Brilliant Wiseass Comebacks To Common Insults
41 Hilariously Bad Chat Up Lines to Rock Your Date’s Night
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