The Fiercest Love of All
A dizain poem that asks you to question the meaning and purpose and target of love, and frankly, existence
This story combines Diana C.’s genius self-relection 50-in-50 challenge with my newfound penchant for dizain.
I lead in with some thoughts I wrote about Lindsey in a rather rambling personal essay in the summer of 2020:
I’ve been thinking this morning about Her, as I often do. I was thinking about what I wanted to say about her, and how special she is and how much the time we had means to me; and then I went deep. I started to think about the karmic nature of our love for each other and what is the purpose of a karmic relationship. It’s been suggested to me that the pain of losing Her was some sort of pay back for poor choices I made in this or a previous lifetime. I do not think so. The purpose of life is to learn. So, the pain is not payback; the pain is designed to help me learn. Looking at the loss in that light resonates. The phrase “that will teach you a lesson” is often said in a “you deserved that” manner. False. “Teach you a lesson” should be read literally and without a punishing connotation. The point is simply to learn. That is not dark. That is love.
So, what life-lessons can I discern? What am I supposed to take back to Heaven with me to have a better life review and ascend to my potential? An overarching theme that I see in all that has happened these last few months is: do not let conformity get in the way of growth; do not seek answers in what society expects; do not be afraid to live life in alignment with soul and nonconformity with community; to thine own self be true IF, IF, IF thine own self is not unethical or immoral.
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14. How can you actively train your capacity to receive and give love?
15. How can you liberate your fiercest, loving nature?
My Dizain
I must unconditionally love me Unleashing infinite capacity Love without judgment — full into-me-see Tough love with strength of full veracity Soul and animus in complicity Mother states love for her children thusly Yet she can’t see past codependency I never asked her to father son choose My mark of Cain transcends such lunacy When we howl at the moon we all just lose
Thoughts that may help you decode my insanity:
The love for my children is unconditional and even though I may not always “like” what they do it does not affect the emotional love.”
My mommy wrote that to me — I quoted it here:
This is me, a 53-year old man, crying to my mother: “why, why would he do that to me???!!!???!!!”
Her answer: “I don’t know.”
Deep down somewhere under the co-dependency she has to know, doesn’t she?
I dedicate this piece to the fiercest warrior I know the Purple Priestess of Poetry and the founder of the luney toons, my Claire de Lune:
Please read this most important story of mine — I do not give a shit about MPP — I do care about suicide prevention:
In Rama I create, with soul energy surging through my body, inspiring me and breathing wind into my sails,