The Dying Art of Man

There’s a-lot of directions I could go with this. So, I’ll try to keep this straight forward. I was raised in an old fashion sense. The definition I had learned at a young age of what it means to be a man extends into several attributes.

You should have manners-, (yes Ma’am, No Sir), cursing and mayhem are fun but there is always a time and place. This also extends to taking your hat off indoors, keeping your hands out of your pockets or holding the door open for somebody. They sound cliche yes, but others do notice, it shows that you hold yourself to a higher standard.

Understanding the difference between right and wrong-, seems simple but I watch so many young men loose sight of this either due to peer pressure or lack of give a damn. Or positive roll models.

Helping others in need-, We’ve all driven past a car broken down on the side of the road, seen a mother with an infant and arms full of groceries struggling to her car, a man simply lost in life and unsure what to do. Could you have made a difference? You may have been that one moment, that turn in someones life, where they may start to ascend. The problem is, now you’ll never know.

Being handy-, There’s a-lot of men I meet who have never changed a tire, built something, or even simply held the flashlight for dad and it shows. A sense of accomplishment with your hands can not only trigger endorphins but guess what, you also just learned something useful that you didn’t know how to do before. This leads to being able to help your fellow human.

Being capable-, Our evolutionary traits have shown us how from our hunter/ gatherer days to now, how men are infused with the drive to be protectors. This one may sting a little for some of you. Every man should learn how to be formidable. Being kind, nurturing and caring towards others, yes, but you also need to learn how to be a monster, when the time calls for it. The biggest mistake you can ever make is assuming “It will never happen to me”. It doesn’t matter the circumstance, but do you know where your fire extinguisher is? is it charged? do you even know how to check? If your child is choking do you know the Heimlich? CPR? how to open the air way? Set a splint? deal with eye injuries? What if your engine catches fire in your car while driving. Do you know what to do then? Do you even keep and extinguisher in your vehicle? Do you have a proper first aide kit? If so, have you ever opened it up to understand what its contents are?

What if someone breaks into your home while you and your family are there. Have you ever even been in a real fight let alone be competent in combative arms. Do you know how to use firearms? What if the intruder has one? If you don’t like guns, then you have already lost. Whatever happens now is on you and you have to live with that, if you live through it. I wish no one had to go through or know what thats like, but you can find stories every day online of just that, from people who said “that won’t ever happen to me”.

Quick story about me-, Being a protector didn’t hit for me until I became a father. That’s when I put it into gear of “I need to keep this little thing alive from all manner of dangers out there”. Krav Maga was wonderful and therapeutic teaching. If you don’t know, the best definition I could give would be; Grapples, holds, submissions, but through an extremely over the top explosion of violence in one large and fast, immense burst of rage at your opponent. The techniques are quick and affective, and in having to actually use it in the real world sense then. I will certainly vouch for it.

Additionally doing this increases confidence. When you know how to take care of yourself it washes into other aspects of your life. Anxiety, timidness, uncertainty tend to vanish. Wouldn’t your boss want a confident leader on his team. Don’t you think your kids would prefer a strong role model to look up to. Do you really think women look for weakness over capableness in selecting a mate… I’m just saying, you’ll thank yourself for the effort.

From there I got my carry permit, I had always been a gun person but never to this extent. It’s funny what you think you know until you learn that you very much don’t. I practiced and trained, took several courses on efficiency, rhythm, speed and effectiveness.

Everything I had just mention leads to what I believe to be the most important.

Being a Protector-, Do you love someone, someone worth dying for. If so, then wouldn’t you do everything in your power to keep them safe. Sun Tsu said “A man must be able to keep his sword sheathed, but know how to use it when the need arrises”. “It is much better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in war”. That tends to be the core here, learn how to be evil, then learn how to use that evil for good.

At the end of the day that’s your role wether you like it or not, better to embrace then deny. To deny, leads to a much harder life. The media today shuns men. Somehow without changing a thing about myself, I went from being an upstanding member of society to toxic-masculinity in the course of 5 years. Suddenly it’s bad to be righteous, strong, or protect others. We went from celebrating courage to seeing who can be the biggest victim. Now I don’t know how this began and rightly I didn’t care, but now it seems young boys are being taught to shun who they are. To apologize as soon as they walk into a classroom simply because they have a penis. This nonsense needs to die. It only hurts everyone in the long run.

Hard times, make strong men, strong men make good times, good times make weak men, weak men make hard times and the cycle continues. I was born on the up tick, of that metaphor. I’ve watched as I’ve grown the plateau, and now the descent. That’s where we are now. Are there bad guys out there? Of course there are, we’ve all been in relationships with or have known them, yet from everything I found, that tiny fraction of men is where this movement is stemming from. Now, I’ve dated some psychos when I was younger, even married one. Does that mean all women are psychos? Of course not but thats how men are now being treated.

I’m in my mid 30’s now. I’m centered on who I am as a person. If you see me as a toxic male, then I’m sorry you feel that way, But, just because you’re offended doesn’t mean you’re right. I don’t consider myself a victim, if you do, and you live in America, there’s a lot you can do to change that, but if you choose to stay a victim, you’re going to have a very hard life.

Let’s use a simple metaphor of wolves and sheep. Now the sheep outnumber wolves tenfold, but are the wolves worried? No. Wolves don’t trouble themselves with the thoughts of sheep. The issue lies with our baby wolves. Both male and female alike. Sheep tend to teach in our schools, sheep love to convince baby wolves that they are also sheep. Sheep tend to have the biggest mouths, always in a field, miles away from anyone, yet you can always hear them baah. Lastly sheep are always the first to let you know there’s danger, but can’t do anything about. If you’re not careful your precious baby wolf will, become a sheep. I wanted to introduce the difference between wolf and sheep dog but this already feels like I’m explaining this to children. If you don’t get the metaphor then there may be no helping you.

I’ll leave with this brief understanding of where my head is at. I needed my wife to understand this when we got together. Something every man, partner and parent should have as well. Let me paint a picture, Now, if I’m out in town with my son whose eight and we go into a Dunk’in Doughnuts for muchkins and chocolate milk. Inside are four police officers sitting in a booth (big surprise) off duty. As we’re standing there waiting in line, someone runs in, with a death wish and fuck cops agenda and proceeds to shoot them all down before they could even stand up. In that moment, what do you think my little wolf is going to do? Do you think he’s going to turn to me and say, “hey dad toss me your piece so I can smoke this fool”. No… He’s going to turn to me with a look of, help. In that moment he sees me as his protector. What am I going to do? He realizes in that moment, my only job in life is to protect him, to keep him safe.

There’s a lot of ways that scenario can play out, I’ll skip to the end. Best case scenario, I bring my son home and he has a hell of a story to tell his mother. Next, An officer drops my son off with his mother that evening and explains what happened. Of course she be heart broken, but she would also know that in that moment it most mattered, Dad did his job and she would understand. The unacceptable option, I, returned home, alone, and now I have to explain to my wife why she’ll never see her little boy again. How we now have to make funeral arrangements because I failed. How I now have to live with that the rest of my life.

What does it mean to you to be a man?