Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

Abstract

ss="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/pelosis-gamble-e26fc1a56498"> <div> <div> <h2>Pelosi’s Gamble</h2> <div><h3>Playing nuclear chicken with China</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*k4Vt_RTBcBxr2w40ooDK2w.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="6136"><b>Pissed Off Satirist #2: </b>Are you done already? Feel better with that off your chest? Get off your goddamn high horse. Nobody is interested in nuclear <b>annihilation</b> anymore. Trump jokes are much safer. People come to satire to laugh, not to get nervous.</p><p id="43d4"><b>Pissed Off Satirist #1: </b>Alright, we’re all getting off topic. The real issue is that all of our stats are plummeting. Each of us got barely over <b>500 claps</b> respectively, when two months ago we were pulling in well over 1,000 claps.</p><p id="7c4c"><b>Pissed Off Satirist #1 continued (Fucker wouldn’t stop talking):</b> I write boob pieces. Boob pieces are usually <b>winners</b>. Boobs get claps.</p><p id="bc15"><i>Is this guy in love with the sound of his own voice?</i></p><p id="57ce"><b>Pissed Off Satirist #1 still motoring:</b> Until this month, that is. My latest <b>boob story</b> only got 500 claps and it’s been a week already. But check this one out by <a href="undefined">Smillew Rahcuef</a> written only a few months ago. He wasn’t even <b>trying</b> and he still got over 1,000 claps for it!</p><div id="9e97" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/whatever-with-pictures-of-boobs-58a24f5012b8"> <div> <div> <h2>Whatever with Pictures of Boobs</h2> <div><h3>Boobs Boobs Boobs!!!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*T4ULEfN_X_PYpNfjxM2fTg.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="fad6">I mean, <b>shit</b>, even nuclear alarmist Carlo over here got in on the act only a month ago with Doctor Funny’s Boob Monthly Challenge with this <b>Adam-and-Eve</b> bullshit about boobs:</p><div id="95c4" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-honker-haikus-2c011dbf6c00"> <div> <div> <h2>The Honker Haikus</h2> <div><h3>Inspired by Burg’s dirty little prompt</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*xhn275pAkzuVx-M_kZtOVQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="f4e8"><b>Me: </b>Bad example. That only got 444 claps.</p><p id="1030"><b>Pissed Off Satirist #1 and #2 (in unison):</b> THAT’S BECAUSE IT’S POETRY!</p><p id="3b1a"><b>Pissed Off Satirist #1:</b> I told you to never mix the two up. Write either poetry or satire, not both at the same time. Your poetry followers will think you’ve lost your mind. And your satirist crowd will think, <b>WTF</b> is this?</p><p id="cc93"><i>Was I asking for advice?</i></p><p id="7562"><b>Pissed Off Satirist #2:</b> Same with your Trump Haikus. It’s a rare bird who writes both satire and poetry. Find your <b>niche</b> and stick to it. Otherwise Medium will think you are a <b>bipolar</b> Jekyll & Hyde.</p><div id="7a38" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-january-6-haikus-1d86a1fc3ca6"> <div> <div> <h2>T

Options

he January 6 Haikus</h2> <div><h3>Tyrant’s last tanties</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*n1cspQupQyv5oYMTjK3FJQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="ff8b"><b>Me: </b><i>I <b>am</b> a bipolar Jekyll & Hyde!</i></p><figure id="5d1e"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*TMW2Ac96o_U2lIgqQFGnOA.jpeg"><figcaption><b>Dr Poet and Mr Satirist aka Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde</b>/ Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@vipul_uthaiah?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">vipul uthaiah</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/monster?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="56f5"><b>Pissed Off Satirist #2: </b>Yeah, well, each to their own then.</p><p id="26d9"><b>Me:</b> Thank you. So what do we do about this July clapping <b>drought?</b> Are your earnings this month as bad as mine?</p><p id="7c2e"><b>Pissed Off Satirist #2:</b> Mine are shit. Worse they’ve been in over a year. Here they are here:</p><figure id="73ad"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*Q8jUWOkoOqqI0LptdvFdLQ.jpeg"><figcaption><b>Pissed Off Satirist Number One’s July Earnings</b> / Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@isaidzib?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Isai Dzib</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/peanuts?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="30d1"><b>Pissed Off Satirist #1:</b> Haha! Peanuts? How the fuck are you going to keep up with inflation with <b>fucking PEANUTS?</b></p><p id="8cd5"><b>Pissed Off Satirist #2:</b> Very funny. Let me see your earnings then, wise guy. And don’t be <b>doctoring </b>them like you did last time.</p><p id="6f17"><i>Pissed Off Satirist #1 flashes his earnings:</i></p><figure id="c954"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*QVXT5-d-X0enSwys7DZQHA.jpeg"><figcaption><b>Pissed Off Satirist Number Two’s July Earnings</b> / Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@mentorofficial?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Vladislav Nikonov</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/peanuts?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="7cba"><b>Pissed Off Satirist #2:</b> Ha! Just as I thought, hypocrite. <b>Good luck</b> paying your electricity bill with those fucking peanuts. What about this new CEO. Didn’t you ask him if he would be providing some <b>bonuses</b>, Carlo?</p><p id="240e"><b>Me: </b>I don’t think satire is his thing. He’s a <b>life coach</b> after all. He likes to be called Coach Tony. You’ll need to be in the business of writing <b>ascending listicles</b>. He did offer one very practical tip for satirists and poets though, which I cover succinctly here:</p><div id="d4d3" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/not-making-enough-money-on-medium-c2013ca2b774"> <div> <div> <h2>Not Making Enough Money On Medium?</h2> <div><h3>You can always jump off a bridge</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*W07Nx7smOuCe4Yeb)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="e198"><b>© Carlo Zeno 2022</b></p><p id="9de0">___________________</p></article></body>

Dead Silence

The Deafening Absence Of Claps

Is it the heat?

**The sound of no hands clapping** / Photo by Marcelo Novais on Unsplash

There was a disturbing trend happening on Medium in the satire publications. The clapping was getting stingier and stingier. Stats were dropping like crashing stock markets. The death stench on stories you could already smell just two days after publication.

It all started when we lost Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) of Doctor Funny a few weeks ago. I wrote about sending a search party and he was finally found tanning off the coast of Spain, neither writing nor clapping on any of our pieces. Traitor.

Seven Missing Person Haikus

Where the hell is Burg?

medium.com

There was in fact a general recession of applause all throughout Medium. I had two well-known satirists over for coffee to discuss the urgent matter. They asked to remain anonymous, even though they knew this article wouldn’t attract much clapping anyway.

Pissed Off Satirist #1: I think it’s the summer heat. People just can’t be bothered to laugh at my fucking jokes anymore. Not even when I talk about tits and ass. Not even when I fill my article with pictures of tits and ass. Nothing seems to work anymore. What is a genius supposed to do?

Pissed Off Satirist #2: Maybe that’s your problem, smart guy. What are we, like three? Tits and ass are simply not funny anymore. Try harder.

Pissed Off Satirist #1: You should talk, fuck knuckle. My piece still got 50 more claps than your last piece about the Jan 6 hearings.

Pissed Off Satirist #2: At least mine’s relevant. Trump jokes never get old.

Pissed Off Satirist #1: You think stories with breasts in it get old?

Things were heating up, so I tried to steer the conversation into a more constructive direction.

Me: Let’s not fight. We’re all writers here. We should be supporting each other, not cutting each other down. My latest satire on Pelosi and Biden is tanking as well.

Pissed Off Satirist #1: That’s because it’s a fucking poem, genius. You’re just confusing the algorithm. Either write a poem or write a satire. Don’t mix the two.

Now I got defensive.

Me: Bullshit. Let the constipated fucking algorithm get confused then. And besides, my piece was more than just satire: it’s a grand fucking warning to the world that these two 80 year old politicians are going to get us into World War Fucking Three if we’re not careful.

Reader, you be the judge:

Pelosi’s Gamble

Playing nuclear chicken with China

medium.com

Pissed Off Satirist #2: Are you done already? Feel better with that off your chest? Get off your goddamn high horse. Nobody is interested in nuclear annihilation anymore. Trump jokes are much safer. People come to satire to laugh, not to get nervous.

Pissed Off Satirist #1: Alright, we’re all getting off topic. The real issue is that all of our stats are plummeting. Each of us got barely over 500 claps respectively, when two months ago we were pulling in well over 1,000 claps.

Pissed Off Satirist #1 continued (Fucker wouldn’t stop talking): I write boob pieces. Boob pieces are usually winners. Boobs get claps.

Is this guy in love with the sound of his own voice?

Pissed Off Satirist #1 still motoring: Until this month, that is. My latest boob story only got 500 claps and it’s been a week already. But check this one out by Smillew Rahcuef written only a few months ago. He wasn’t even trying and he still got over 1,000 claps for it!

Whatever with Pictures of Boobs

Boobs Boobs Boobs!!!

medium.com

I mean, shit, even nuclear alarmist Carlo over here got in on the act only a month ago with Doctor Funny’s Boob Monthly Challenge with this Adam-and-Eve bullshit about boobs:

The Honker Haikus

Inspired by Burg’s dirty little prompt

medium.com

Me: Bad example. That only got 444 claps.

Pissed Off Satirist #1 and #2 (in unison): THAT’S BECAUSE IT’S POETRY!

Pissed Off Satirist #1: I told you to never mix the two up. Write either poetry or satire, not both at the same time. Your poetry followers will think you’ve lost your mind. And your satirist crowd will think, WTF is this?

Was I asking for advice?

Pissed Off Satirist #2: Same with your Trump Haikus. It’s a rare bird who writes both satire and poetry. Find your niche and stick to it. Otherwise Medium will think you are a bipolar Jekyll & Hyde.

The January 6 Haikus

Tyrant’s last tanties

medium.com

Me: I am a bipolar Jekyll & Hyde!

**Dr Poet and Mr Satirist aka Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde**/ Photo by vipul uthaiah on Unsplash

Pissed Off Satirist #2: Yeah, well, each to their own then.

Me: Thank you. So what do we do about this July clapping drought? Are your earnings this month as bad as mine?

Pissed Off Satirist #2: Mine are shit. Worse they’ve been in over a year. Here they are here:

**Pissed Off Satirist Number One’s July Earnings** / Photo by Isai Dzib on Unsplash

Pissed Off Satirist #1: Haha! Peanuts? How the fuck are you going to keep up with inflation with fucking PEANUTS?

Pissed Off Satirist #2: Very funny. Let me see your earnings then, wise guy. And don’t be doctoring them like you did last time.

Pissed Off Satirist #1 flashes his earnings:

**Pissed Off Satirist Number Two’s July Earnings** / Photo by Vladislav Nikonov on Unsplash

Pissed Off Satirist #2: Ha! Just as I thought, hypocrite. Good luck paying your electricity bill with those fucking peanuts. What about this new CEO. Didn’t you ask him if he would be providing some bonuses, Carlo?

Me: I don’t think satire is his thing. He’s a life coach after all. He likes to be called Coach Tony. You’ll need to be in the business of writing ascending listicles. He did offer one very practical tip for satirists and poets though, which I cover succinctly here:

Not Making Enough Money On Medium?

You can always jump off a bridge

medium.com

___________________