Not Making Enough Money On Medium?
You can always jump off a bridge
I’m sick and tired of people complaining about how little they make on Medium. As if one dollar per story wasn’t more than enough to live a full happy life.
Who are these doom-and-gloom pessimists who only ever see their glass half empty?
I’ve pulled in $23 dollars so far in May, and I’ve been living it up. I’ve bought coffee, milk, a loaf of bread, and a bag of spinach with this handsome amount. Bezos would be green with envy at my lifestyle.
But all you ever hear from writers writing their guts out on Medium is how they can’t live on a dollar a day! What kind of silver spoon did these people grow up with?
We need more positive, innovative, solution-focused people in the world right now. People like Jonathan Swift, who just couldn’t get over everybody complaining about poverty in London in the 18th Century.
Swift was a writer who’s glass was always half full. He always had a solution for things and he most definitely had a solution for poor starving families having too many babies. Here’s what Swift had to say about these unfortunate little brats:
“Instead of being a charge upon their parents, or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall, on the contrary, contribute to the feeding, and partly to the clothing of many thousands.”
I mean, BANG. Identifies the problem, and immediately finds a solution. But how will these poor babies contribute to the feeding and clothing of thousands?
“I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee, or a ragout.”
Now that’s a positive attitude.
Why can’t our faint-hearted, underpaid writers on Medium do likewise?
Can’t feed your kids? Then, eat them!
Not earning enough money writing on Medium? Then, jump off a bridge!
Next week I will be writing a clear, happily ascending listicle on this subject, called:
Ten Ways To Kill Yourself If You Are Not Making Enough Money.
Because I’m not a pessimist, and my glass is always half way up to an orgasm. So buck up, and put on your big boy bootstraps, grab them tightly with both hands, smile, squeeze, and pull yourself UP.
© Carlo Zeno 2022
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Thanks for reading this inspiring affirmation of mine, and thanks to Michael Burg, MD (AKA Medium Michael Burg) for providing this space for totally unexpected miracles. If you would like more positive stories in a depressing world, see two more instances of seeing rainbows in oil spills just below. And if you’d like to dispense with some of your hard-earned Medium money, make sure you put it to good use and shout me a coffee. Thanks!