Holiday Cheer
The Breast Gifts for Boobs
Gift ideas for the titties in your life
Want to get a gift for your Christmas baubles? Deck the halls with these breast-flavored gift ideas. In researching for this article, I came across all manner of devices, lactation aids, enlargement creams (!?), waxy gag gifts, and cancer recovery kits and supports. There is a time and a place for most of these items (again enlargement creams!?), but you’ll find none of them listed here.
This list is for every breast: large and small, scarred and whole, young and aged, suckled and non, misshapen and fibrous, bottom-bellied and perky. It is for the day-to-day, hard-working, fabulously gorgeous, courageous, imperfect breast — one that deserves a little TLC.
A calming candle with a message
This candle may look sassy to some, but it’s what I need to hear sometimes. If I’m lighting a candle for a chill night at home, a hot, aromatic bath, or even just a few moments of mindfulness, I can almost hear the tone: a breathy, meditative chant that I can use for my own purposes.
Inhale deep breath in, exhale slowly: I am calm in my tits.
Some inclusive breastful bling for your neckline
Show off your favorite pair with a necklace or necklaces from GLDN. There really is a necklace for every set. Enjoy relaxed, round, itty bitties, mastectomy, just one, and other sweet boobies to quench your feminist and feminine desires.
Don’t forget your icy nips!
This nipple cream by Nessa. The line Nessa Organics has a full showing of oils and rubs for every surface and body stage. She even has a “Vagina Victory Rejuvenation Oil.” I’ve always dreamed of having a victorious vagina. But first, notorious nipples.
Socks for the breast cause
Socks for boobs are not something I knew existed. These socks are for wearing on your feet, but Conscious Step donates some of the proceeds of every sock purchase to breast-minded non-profits. The socks are adorable. It’s such a cool idea.
Check them out; they aren’t only breast-minded. There are a ton of other fabulous causes to choose from.
Tea for the twins’ skin
Republic teas are delicious. This “get gorgeous” blend is caffeine free and made with rooibos for a delicate, luxurious pampering that works from the inside out. Tittie skin is the best skin. It needs lovin’, too! But this tea is also good for the rest of the body’s largest and sultriest of organs: the skin.
Say sayonara to dry, flaky skin
This rose sugar scrub by Herbivore Botanicals leaves my skin feeling oh-so soft and glowing. The scent of rose is powerful and I love it, like diving headlong into the creases of a giant garden rose and reemerging with shiny, caressed, rosy ta-tas.
Free-falling moments
When I’m looking for an excuse to prolong the comfort of nudity before facing the inevitability of clothes-wearing, I slip on a robe and putter about. Post-shower, I sop on some moisturizer before the puttering. It’s productive, my puttering, and my breasts are hanging free.
Get a robe like this for breast happiness.
Sop it on
Truly makes actual boob lube for every day (and night) that isn’t just for mamas. Pre-mamas, mamas, non-mamas, never-mamas, fur-mamas, wanna-mamas, grand-mamas, and not-a-mamas all can get a load of this. Purple whipped paste is the new path to every upper body satisfaction.
Pinches, sucklings, and good vibrations
Not all breast gifts are pink! Some of the best breast gifts come in little black boxes, like this toy for nipple play (etc.) and this toy for breast play (etc., etc). When it comes to breasts, a little pleasure goes a long way.
No more tweezing
Tweezing boobie hairs is painful. Ingrown boobie hairs from tweezing add insult to injury. An electric razor for rogue whiskers is the way to go. Zip, zip, buzz. Bye!
Know your titties
A little education goes a long way. For the bookworm and femme-positive: Breasts: The Owner’s Manual by Dr. Kristi Funk. I have not read this yet, but it’s on My Breastmas List now.
Butter is better
This “Breast Friend & Self-Exam Butter” by Colleen Rothschild is a cute and practical reminder to check the ladies for unexpected lumps and bumps. Complete with easy instructions and illustrations, the cream slips and slides for a comfortable (and perhaps enjoyable) self-exam every time.
And hey, if I find myself creaming and sweeping more than once a month, there’s no harm in that.
For more breast gifts, check out:
For more breast stories:
Thank you, Amy Sea & Breast Stories. For everything. Big, big love to you and all of the writers at Breast Stories for inspiring me to next level breast love.
