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be shapely.”</p><p id="41c0">That wasn’t in the cards. Of course, it grew. Into a sort of triangle, it grew, with errant whiskers that sprung around its bumpy areolar perimeter.</p><p id="b7a3">I haven’t been kind. Even now, I shake my head, marveling at the stubbornness of Ol’ Righty.</p><p id="53e0">I aim to be better, but still whisper obscenities into my tweezered hand.</p><h2 id="949c">My soft spot</h2><p id="6186">Righty doesn’t get equal treatment even though it requires <i>more</i> treatment.</p><p id="8488">Even lovers play favorites with the favorite.</p><p id="aa3b">The last time I went to the doctor she said it was growing fibrous.</p><p id="0c92">I blame myself in part. I have not accepted my right breast the way it is. I’ve been waiting for it to decide to become more like my left breast. Why wouldn’t it want to be a picture of breast excellence?</p><p id="275e">But that’s about to change.</p><p id="348e">I’m 35 and I have to admit: I have a soft spot for Ol’ Righty, just the way it is.</p><p id="7d4e"><i>It takes courage to be such a bitch.</i></p><p id="109a">I mean, we could have been famous. My breasts could have gone on <i>tour</i>.</p><p id="e9da">We could have, that is, if it were not for the commitment my right breast has to its way of being.</p><h2 id="5b39">Aiming for excellence</h2><p id="aa5b">Autonomy and persistence are trademark bitch behavior. These were tricked and trained out of me from a young age, along with my ability to accept all nouns, myself, and my bits if they were flawed.</p><p id="258a">I’ve been guilty of hating these traits in others (and in my right breast) in fear of retribution and the reputation of being the “bitch”.</p><p id="33fb">I <i>want</i> to be autonomous.</p><p id="7fa3">I want to be persistent.</p><p id="82da">I want to be confident, stubborn, and determined.</p><p id="ec5d"><i>Oh, hell.</i></p><p id="0b11">I wa

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nt to be a bit more like Ol’ Righty.</p><div id="15de" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-breastmas-list-c020f4c3763"> <div> <div> <h2>My Breastmas List</h2> <div><h3>A holiday gift list for my lovely lumps</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*tADHzQ9BWKvlA4O0hIJvtA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="8420" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/big-mouths-only-a-breast-story-fbef93651522"> <div> <div> <h2>Big Mouths Only — A Breast Story</h2> <div><h3>If you want to suckle, you’d better have all of your teeth. Confessions of a childless 30-something</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*NXL_Cmk0kzG7VttVdXbLVQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="6fee" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/winter-warmth-a-little-love-for-my-upper-half-8d6724e1e865"> <div> <div> <h2>Winter Warmth: A Little Love for My Upper Half</h2> <div><h3>Breast winterization is a challenge of self-care. Treat yo’ icy nips!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*2wxAce1T8ZHuTu0YyvXGZQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

How to Have Sex

Ol’ Righty’s Rogue Whiskers

Finding humor, acceptance, and appreciation for my other breast

The favorite

One of my breasts is the epitome of breast excellence.

It has a smooth, bulbous belly that acts appropriately with gravity to showcase a taught and well-rounded nipple.

It springs readily when I’m cold or aroused.

It possesses the ability to pour, filling into bras with dedication and poise.

It is spirited. It is shapely. It is sensitive and supple.

And then there’s Ol’ Righty.

The other breast

My right breast is on strike. Before I grew breasts, it let me know it would be a proud anti-conformist by a small slash through the central column of what would become a scarred nipple.

It’s always been smaller. When I finally grew breasts I thought: “Now’s your chance! You, too, can be shapely.”

That wasn’t in the cards. Of course, it grew. Into a sort of triangle, it grew, with errant whiskers that sprung around its bumpy areolar perimeter.

I haven’t been kind. Even now, I shake my head, marveling at the stubbornness of Ol’ Righty.

I aim to be better, but still whisper obscenities into my tweezered hand.

My soft spot

Righty doesn’t get equal treatment even though it requires more treatment.

Even lovers play favorites with the favorite.

The last time I went to the doctor she said it was growing fibrous.

I blame myself in part. I have not accepted my right breast the way it is. I’ve been waiting for it to decide to become more like my left breast. Why wouldn’t it want to be a picture of breast excellence?

But that’s about to change.

I’m 35 and I have to admit: I have a soft spot for Ol’ Righty, just the way it is.

It takes courage to be such a bitch.

I mean, we could have been famous. My breasts could have gone on tour.

We could have, that is, if it were not for the commitment my right breast has to its way of being.

Aiming for excellence

Autonomy and persistence are trademark bitch behavior. These were tricked and trained out of me from a young age, along with my ability to accept all nouns, myself, and my bits if they were flawed.

I’ve been guilty of hating these traits in others (and in my right breast) in fear of retribution and the reputation of being the “bitch”.

I want to be autonomous.

I want to be persistent.

I want to be confident, stubborn, and determined.

Oh, hell.

I want to be a bit more like Ol’ Righty.

My Breastmas List

A holiday gift list for my lovely lumps

medium.com

Big Mouths Only — A Breast Story

If you want to suckle, you’d better have all of your teeth. Confessions of a childless 30-something

medium.com

Winter Warmth: A Little Love for My Upper Half

Breast winterization is a challenge of self-care. Treat yo’ icy nips!

medium.com