How to Have Sex

My Breastmas List

A holiday gift list for my lovely lumps

Tis the season (for making lists)!

It isn’t often I take time out of my busy schedule to focus on the health and well-being of my breasts.

The best time of year to make a list of breast wishes is the time of willingness. For me, that time is now.

Every year it’s the same. The spiral of November leads to Thanksgiving which somehow crashes inexplicably into Christmas and before I know it, the season of giving is gone.

Today I am resting and dreaming of my sugar plums in all manners of decadence. This year I will not miss out. My breasts have spoken.

My Breastmas List:

Breast balm

There aren’t a lot of products out there for breasts that are not specific to breastfeeding, but breast care is important in every stage of our lives. I want to treat my breasts for the long haul.

The products don’t have to be expensive. It can be any lotion, cream, or body butter. I would like to gift myself a dedicated balm or lotion that feels silky and smells divine for basting the ladies before I go to bed.

My mom suggested lanolin and my sister suggested this nipple cream. Both are for lactating, but slippery nipples are not just beverages. Supple, moisturized breasts are a lifestyle.

If I wanted to get a little fancy, there’s this purple goo.

This breast mug

By Sass & Belle. There’s no better way to start my day. Coffee can still be first, but it can totally come with a smile and some femme-positive energy. The best part of waking up is a reminder to love my breasts while I cuddle a mug!

A trip to MoSex

It seems a bit over the top to budget a trip for myself to New York City in the name of breast appreciation, but I’ll take that judgment if it gets me to the Museum of Sex.

I can’t think of anything more liberating than lounging in a bouncy castle made of breasts. Having found it, my life may be incomplete until I do.

A silky robe with just the right amount of cleavage

A good robe is a gift that keeps on giving. The time to wear that good robe is an even greater gift.

It is entirely worth it to take 15 minutes to an hour every day to move about and rest in a robe. It’s like being naked, but without all of the staring.

A robe allows the ladies to breathe and move naturally from side to side as they so love to do. It also allows the balms or creams I’ve slopped on to soak in and dry. Freedom and comfort await; they’re only a robe way.

Matching Under-sets

I’ve written before about the glories of matching bras with panties. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

It is imperative that I not wear decaying under-wear.

The holiday season is a great time to toss my fraying and expanding items in preparation for the arrival of one of the greatest gifts a breast could ask for: a newer, fresher wardrobe.

A sexy or boudoir photoshoot

I’m keen to make this appointment for myself, but it just hasn’t happened!

I’ve given too many excuses for any of them to be valid. Someday I will honor my breasts with confidence and create an album that showcases my sexuality and their part in it.

The courage to model for a nude art class

This gift is free. But holy hell. I want to honor my breasts with courage.

I’ve wanted to do it forever. Maybe next year?

A toasty blanket scarf

I could ask for a new electric grid for Texas, but that seems a bit out of my reach. Instead, I will ask for a very rotund scarf and hope that I mostly use it for fashion reasons.

Blanket scarves are the best. They are the dimensions of a couch throw, usually about 40x60 inches. What does that mean? They’re not just covering neck and chest.

Blanket scarves protect and insulate my boobs, too!

The ones I currently have are in constant use during cold seasons, but I’m going to need a bit more reinforcement if we have snaps like we’ve had in the past couple of years. No frosty titties for me this year.

Comment with an item that’s on your Breastmas List! Or write an article and tag me in it. I’d love to see what your breasts want.