The B/D of BDsM
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For BDsM Terms and Phrases, click here
All about Bondage and Discipline of BDsM
Before we go into one of my favorite aspects of BDSM which is Bondage and Discipline (B/D), let us re-visit exactly what BDsM stands for. For a whole breakdown of BDsM, click here.
Bondage and Discipline (B/D), Dominance and submission (D/s), and Sadism and Masochism (S/M) are various forms of BDSM. The S/M can also be referred to as slave and Master. BDsM is often considered a dark, weird, abnormal type of sexual preference, its members often retreat into the community to practice, isolated from mainstream society.
Dominant (DOM), submissive (sub), and switch (switching roles between DOM/sub) are three main ways participants identify themselves. The DOM is described as the Top, (D). The DOM is the person in control, protects the submissive, and takes ownership and leadership of the relationship and dynamics. Often called DOM, Master, Sir, Daddy, etc. The sub is described as the Bottom, (s). A sub is a person who gives up control and performs service to their DOM. submission can include all aspects of their lives or certain aspects of it. The most common is sexual control. Although these identities mainly stay the same throughout the relationship, there are times when the roles will switch. The DOM can become the sub and the sub can switch to the DOM temporarily.
The B/D of the term BDsM stands for Bondage (B) and Discipline (D). You may also see Bondage and Discipline shortened to BD, B D, or B/D. Bondage and Discipline refer to various erotic acts in which a sub is restrained (Bondage) and conditioned (Discipline). It is usually the Dominant who will restrain and discipline the submissive. In addition to simple restraints like ropes, scarves, and handcuffs, intricate restraints are also available, like chains, paddles, whips, bondage cages, and ceiling hooks. Discipline often involves punishing a submissive with physical and psychological acts in order to correct their behavior.
Bondage: The act of restricting the sexual movements of a sub. Restraint like this increases sexual pleasure in some people and induces different sensations throughout the body. Discipline: Before the relationship between The DOM and sub begins, a series of rules and punishments are established. In some cases, The DOM will discipline as the rules are broken or need to be adhered to. Discipline is a behavior modification tool.
The punishments may include spanking, slapping, choking, restraints, humiliation, or (consensually) forcing to commit sexual acts. In addition to pain, punishment is also about pleasure, as is true with the majority of wonderfully kinky things. Through B/D, the DOM and sub can happily explore sides of their personality not expressed in everyday life.
There are many ways a sub can get punished. Sometimes a sub breaks the rules to be punished, however, the DOM will always catch on to it. A sub can be punished for unacceptable behavior per the DOM. Unacceptable behavior can include having an orgasm without permission, speaking out of turn, talking back, refusing to do something, not answering calls and texts in a timely fashion, knowingly or unknowingly breaking a rule, etc. Some behaviors will require corporal punishment, whatever that may be.
Ways to punish for behavior modification
- Orgasm denial
- Wax play
- Tie up and restraint
- Silence
- Take away a want of a place or thing
- Hold out, no sex or intimacy
- Good old-fashioned spanking
- Paddling
- Time out
- Put a collar on them
- Forced sexual acts
- Slave duties
In many cases, BDSM is viewed as a way of releasing stress, exploring trust, or playing out fantasies of control, submission, and vulnerability. Research has discovered BDSM dynamic participation can improve mood and reduce stress. According to other studies, partners who participate in healthy BDSM scenes feel more intimate with each other.
Bondage and discipline should be based on the motto, “Safe, sane, and consensual.” No matter how dominant or submissive either partner is, their actions must be consensual and of their own free will. In addition to being able to stop a scene with a safeword whenever a sub wants, they should also be able to do so for any reason.
The most important thing is to communicate your desires to your partner. A BDSM session may include a wide variety of activities and dynamics, and each individual might approach it in a different way. Discern with your DOM what you want and what makes you comfortable. People often think of BDSM as ‘kinky’, but in some instances, it does not necessarily involve sex. Sometimes the mental of some acts serves as a turn-on rather than a precursor to sex.
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Members who have participated in BDSM sex can also practice what is known as aftercare. After a scene, partners may cuddle, hydrate, bathe, or do other calming activities together. A conversation about what worked can also be included as well as how each person feels. Participants can benefit from post-sex debriefing by being protected mentally, physically, and emotionally.
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