BDsM Glossary and Terms
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BDsM Terms and Phrases
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Before we can get into the juicy details of BDsM, here are some common terms used in the community:
Aftercare: After the play or scene is over and life is back to normal, there is care that needs to happen for both participants. The Top gives emotional and psychological care to the bottom. Massage, self-care, rest, cuddling, touching, journaling, alone time, meditation, kissing, acknowledgment of having a good time, acknowledgment of how good it was, etc are all examples of aftercare. It is especially important to have good aftercare following an intense scene/play.
BDsM is a sexual preference that means Bondage/Discipline (B/D), Dominant/submissive (D/s), SadoMasochist/Masochist (S/M). BDsM may or may not include sexual intercourse and can include pain, bondage, and service.
Bondage/Discipline (B/D): Involves restraint (Bondage) and punishment (Discipline).
Bottom: The submissive, sub, (s) the person submitting to a DOM, taking orders, and performing services.
Breath Play: The control of another’s breath, choking.
Collar: A symbol worn around the neck to symbolize a submissive or slave status.
Collared: A symbol worn around the neck to symbolize the commitment to a Dominant.
Consent: A mutual agreement between the BDsM participants of the rules and conditions of the relationship. Some sign contracts. May vary depending on the relationship.
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Day Collar: A discreet symbol worn around the neck of a submissive while out and about on daily activities as a reference to their ownership by a DOM. It can vary, examples are a piece of jewelry, a thin collar, etc. It is less noticeable to vanilla eyes.
Discipline (Punishment): Used by a DOM to correct behavior.
Dominant: Top, (D), DOM: The person in control and protection of a submissive and takes ownership and leadership of the relationship. Often called Master, Sir, Daddy, etc.
The name varies and the preference of use depends on each DOM, some prefer to be called their respective names all the time, and some only in private.
Dominatrix: (Domme) Female form of a Dominant (See Dominant).
Edge Play: Very intense and (can be dangerous) play and/or scenes.
Hard Limits: Things that are off the table and off-limits
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Harem: A group of submissives in service to one DOM.
Impact Play: Involves hitting the body in any manner.
Kink: Non-conventional sex. BDsM is also known as KINK.
Masochist: A person who enjoys receiving pain and humiliation.
Owned: A submissive who is owned and have submitted to a Master. Usually, a long-term relationship between DOM/sub has formed and has been successfully matched.
Play: A BDsM scene or session.
Play Collar: Usually worn around the neck during a scene or session, and is often a thick leather strap with rings and chains to allow the DOM control and harness access.
Sadist (Sadism): A person who takes pleasure in knowing they are the cause of your reaction. They take pleasure in inflicting pain and/or watching another suffer for power, sexual arousal, and control.
SadoMasochist: A person who enjoys giving and receiving pain and humiliation.
SafeWord: Used when the limit is approaching and/or to stop all scenes and activities.
Scene (Sessions): Time dedicated for BDsM activities.
Service: Acts, sexual activity, and/or services to the DOM by a submissive.
Soft Limits: Acts that can be taken under consideration and are negotiable.
Switch: When the roles of BDsM flip-flop. Example: The sub becomes the DOM and the DOM becomes submissive, depending on the situation.
submissive: Bottom, sub, (s): A person who gives up control to a DOM and performs service to their DOM. submission can include all aspects of their lives or certain aspects of it. The most common is sexual control.
Top: The Dominant, DOM, (D): The person who is in control of a submissive.
Vanilla: A person who is not into the BDSM lifestyle. They have traditional sex and are not involved in any kink activities.
