The Adventures of the Vegetable Stalker, Veggie Goes South

Summary

Veggie, the Vegetable Stalker, faces challenges and misunderstandings as he ventures south, encountering unfamiliar vegetables and dealing with accusations and legal battles, all while maintaining his heroic persona.

Abstract

The story follows Veggie, the Vegetable Stalker, as he deals with a crisis of confidence and faces accusations from the animal rights group P-E-T-S. Despite legal victories and his parents' history establishing his roots in New Hampshire, Veggie's journey takes a turn when he encounters collard greens in the South, a vegetable he's not familiar with. The narrative is interspersed with playful commentary from an in-universe news network, VNN, and reflects on the cultural differences and assumptions between the North and South. Veggie's adventures continue with the support of his sponsor, Wackemall, and the story promises to delve into his personal life, hinting at a potential marriage to a "stink-weed." The tale is presented with a mix of parody, satire, and puns, engaging readers and followers on social media platforms like Twitter.

Opinions

Veggie is portrayed as an underdog hero who is often underestimated and faces various accusations from P-E-T-S, including being labeled as an invasive species and an illegal alien.
The narrative suggests a light-hearted critique of legal and societal issues, such as the application of the National Invasive Species Act and immigration policies.
The character of Veggie is reflective and self-aware, acknowledging his lack of research into the Southern vegetable culture and accepting responsibility for his missteps.
The author expresses regret for underestimating the cultural divide regarding knowledge of collard greens, emphasizing the importance of research and understanding.
The story implies a satirical view of media coverage, with VNN providing tongue-in-cheek commentary and the hash tag #VegetableStalker on Twitter, while also pointing out media bias.
There is a playful tease about Veggie's potential marital status, adding a layer of personal intrigue to the character's life and suggesting further exploration of his relationships in future stories.

What kind of mess has our hero gotten himself into now, and will he get out of it? Perhaps with enough parody, satire, and puns he can prune in invaders.

That’s pretty much how it happened. Veggie’s confidence level was so low, and people were always cutting him down, no wonder he felt like a stump. How was he supposed to ever get his roots dug into anything when he was constantly getting pruned? It was bad enough that P-E-T-S was wagging him all the time about what he was doing, but they were also accusing him of using herbicides in an attempt to commit genocide. They even went so far as to label him an Invasive Species citing the National Invasive Species Act (NISA) passed by Congress in 1990 but the judge pointed out that NISA was limited to Zebra mussels, Eurasian ruffes, Mitten crabs, and a few other non-indigenous aquatic nuisance species. When that didn’t work they tried to claim that because Veggie didn’t have a birth certificate that he was an illegal alien but his parent’s long history of working and paying taxes in the USA made it obvious that Veggie Head Stalker had to have been first seeded in New Hampshire. That was the last battle Veggie Head Stalker would win for quite some time…

The Vegetable Stalker Goes South

The Vegetable Stalker went down South. He thought he’d be a hit, but something happened way down there — he’ll not get over it. He thought all veggies are the same, but these he’d never seen an’ now he’s trying to get out of a mess of collard greens!

“Live from VNN. Will the Vegetable Stalker get out of this mess, or has Veggie’s pot done boiled over? Does he even know he can boil those greens down? And just how big is a mess anyway? Stay tuned for the answers to some questions, but not necessarily these questions, as Veggie’s adventures continue right here. Hey, Y’all got any salt?”

Well at least we managed to keep one sponsor. I felt really bad about that one. I just assumed Veggie knew all about collard greens. I guess if you’re raised in the Southland like me then it’s natural to assume everyone knows about collard greens. It was my idea that he go south in the first place. I never imagined Yankees not knowing about collards — especially Yankee vegetables. But I was wrong in assuming, and I’m apologizing to all of you reading Veggie’s story just like the hundred or so times I apologized to Veggie.

Veggie never gave me a hard time over what happened to him. He said it was his fault for not doing enough research to know his opponent’s strengths and weaknesses. We spent a lot of time at the library after that, and we spent a lot of time on the Internet as well. We got a lot of coverage on Twitter and it wasn’t biased at all. They even gave us the hash tag #VegetableStalker . The same could not be said for the rest of the media and P-E-T-S were still hot on our trail with their spears at the ready.

Spearmint

A spearmint for you, a spearmint for me, a fear meant for any who happen to see the Vegetable Stalker when he’s on TV.

I’m sure he is ready and sure he is brave, but will he come back or go to his grave? A spearmint it seems, might end his whole life but if he is married…

Well you know, maybe it’s easier to be a hero.

“Will the Vegetable Stalker manage to beat the spearmint, or will he find himself all gummed up? And could it really be true that Veggie has a wife somewhere? If so then why has he never introduced her to any of his friends? Could Veggie Head Stalker be married to a stink-weed? Stay tuned for more Adventures of the Vegetable Stalker when we come back with Pork ‘n Beans! Do you really have anything better to do? Get a life!”