The 5 Uncomfortable Secrets of Virtual Sex Work: A First-Hand Experience
Harsh and sad realities that no one talks about.
This article, much like life, is not politically correct.
It is however the raw unadulterated truth: the kind of uncomfortable secret that leaves you feeling uneasy about the state of the world and unhappy with humanity.
An incursion into what virtual sex workers and cam girls all over the world experience on a day-to-day basis.
I live in a country that is known worldwide for having the largest number of cam girls per capita and they usually work for cam studios. Cam studios are buildings filled with hotel-like rooms where the cam girls (also known as virtual sex workers) sit in front of cameras and computers and perform for men from around the globe.
And yes, 99.9% of customers are men. The same goes for cam boys. Their customers are men as well.
The article is made up of a series of facts collected from the experience of 56 cam girls that I had the occasion to train, help, meet, coach, know, befriend and be around in the course of the 4 years that I worked for 2 cam studios.
My job was to teach the girls English (I used to be an English teacher) and to teach them how to interact with the clients (I used to be a life and relationship coach). I would monitor what they did, how they talked, told them what and how to answer, etc.
I was also the one they would come crying to after long hours online, the one who would coach them on life-work balance and how to live a fulfilling life doing a very controversial job.
The biggest part of virtual sex work is not sex. The girls are virtual psychologists, virtual friends, confidantes, virtual shoulders to cry on, and virtual everything and anything the customer needs.
What they are more than anything else is artists of the human spirit, actresses of the boudoir, and top-notch human beings.
Here’s uncomfortable secrets from behind the scenes:
1. All sex workers despise their customers. All their customers.
You’d think that men who go to sex chat sites are there to pay for a few minutes of virtual sex. But you’d be wrong.
The most common thing that men on chat sites do is go there and try to impress the girls. A man wants a conquest, not sex for money. He wants the girl to take off her clothes because she likes him, not because he pays her.
What does a man do when he tries to conquer a girl? He starts to brag. You’d think they brag about how much money they have, but the ones who actually have money don’t even mention it.
That’s how a sex worker knows. If he brags about his money, he doesn’t have it. The guys who do that are probably 16 year old’s living with their parents. A cam girl would laugh and ban them from their virtual rooms.
More often than not, they try to impress the girls with their… words! They pay them a lot of compliments and try to get them to do stuff for free.
Starting to understand a little better where the despise is coming from? It’s like going to a bakery and trying to get a cake by telling the baker how pretty she is. Over and over and over again until she’s sick of it. You just know she is bound to despise you.
Cam girls are so sick of compliments that they can’t even hear them from friends or partners anymore. This is the most common complaint I heard: ‘I can’t take their compliments anymore! They sicken me!’
They’re spewing out compliments as if the girls could pay their bills with them.
Anything a customer might come up with, the cam girl has heard it before. She just smiles and waits patiently for him to get to the real deal and start throwing money at her. Which is what she’s there for. That and nothing else.
2. There is 0% chance for a sex worker to fall in love with a client.
Remember those old sayings about how to never fall in love with a stripper? The absolute same goes for a cam girl. But unfortunately for a lot of men, it happens quite often.
The customers are there to buy a fantasy: a beautiful young girl who is so impressed with their personality and lies (because yes, they lie through the roof). She would be so impressed that she falls head over heels in love with him. A dream come true for most of the guys who visit these sex sites.
Sadly, it’s all smoke and mirrors. Their feelings will never be reciprocated.
The girls are there doing a job. A very difficult job. And they do it for nothing more than the shitloads of money that it pays.
A cam girl could never love a client for a million major reasons. Some of these are: the person on screen is not her. It’s just her body, interpreting a role. The client is also not himself, he constantly lies about how awesome he is and the girls know that. Many times all the girl sees of the client are his private parts and no woman falls for those. When she does see the client, he is usually very unappealing both physically and personality-wise.
3. Sex work is very taxing on both the body and mind.
Few cam girls will stay in their job for more than a few years. And they will usually take big breaks in between. The job is very taxing on the body for obvious reasons. The clients will require the girls have sex with various dildos in various ways. Different shapes, different sizes. Saying no is an option only if you want to lose that customer.
The taxation on the mind is way more severe. The customers are usually not the nicest people. They request impossible tasks for a few dollars and if they are refused they become angry and abusive. They are manipulative, demanding, and needy. They have difficult personalities and the girls always have to keep a smile on their faces. No matter what. Always smile, be understanding, be cute.
Rain or shine, period days, or your dog died, you are in front of the camera and making money that day, same as every other day, depending on your mood. Give the flies honey or go home.
4. Sex workers don’t have a stronger libido than the rest of the population.
Many times the customers assume that women are doing this work because they have a very strong libido and need constant sexual stimulation.
That is a ridiculous assumption. Nobody in their right mind who feels like having a lot of sex would ever go online and wait for somebody who commands them around and may or may not vibrate their interactive sex toy.
Sex workers don’t have a stronger libido than the rest of the population. Sometimes the contrary is true. At least half of the women I met there were: frigid, asexual, hated men, or lesbian.
I also met women who were polyamorous, pansexual, had children (most of them), married, or were in relationships.
Their personal libido had nothing to do with their work, just like libido has nothing to do with a secretarial job.
5. Virtual sex work is nothing but acting with a sexual twist
Because of severe social stigma, sex workers hide what they do. They hide it from their friends, families, boyfriends, and sometimes even their husbands.
Most husbands would not agree to their wives getting naked, seeing other men naked, and having sexual experiences with them, even if they are just virtual.
What is misunderstood is that these sexual experiences are not even virtual. Not for the sex worker, anyway. They are nothing more than acting. Words and pretense. A fantasy world where neither the bodies nor the minds touch.
As any cam girl will tell you, she has nothing against her partner being a cam boy. Because they know none of it is real.
Unfortunately, only the ones who work in the biz can truly understand that is all it is: a game, fake smiles, fake orgasms, and acting worthy of the Oscars.
The sad part is that people still judge and get judged over anything sexual.
Being too sexual, not sexual enough, liking this or the other, too kinky or too vanilla, you name it. According to the kind of social group you’re in, your sexual preferences will be a subject of much disdain and fake concern.
For a sex worker, even a virtual one, take that judgment and multiply it by 1000.
This article is meant to show it for what it really is. Nothing more than a job. A very difficult one that involves both the body and the mind to great extents. A job where you have to look and be perfect every single day, where you are constantly misunderstood, where the attrition is huge because it is just so damn difficult to do that job.
A job that needs to be decriminalized, but not glorified.
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