The 5 Red Flags Surrounding Relationships

World events have either forged, reinforced, or aggravated existing partnerships, especially when individuals who usually lived alone, are now living in close quarters for many more hours of the day.

Sometimes, certain people are used to having more time to recharge alone, and when that is taken away, it can amplify anxiety, stress, and fear. Despite it all, there are times to evaluate the status of relationships, especially when many things go south.

As an aspiring therapist who is currently a psychological student researcher, here are some parameters to consider as red flags:

1) Polarizing Core Values

There’s nothing wrong with being a little different than your loved one, such as having a different music taste, as different personalities can often complement one another or even conjure up compromises every now and then.

However, when your fundamental values and beliefs are polarized, it can be a major red flag. For example, if you have a large decision to make, concerning the welfare of another family member, will your partner support you…or espouse completely different views, leaving you all alone?

While couples are not magically aligned in every regard, major situations that have incredible impacts on your life are something to be mindful of.

2) Lacking Apologies or Accepting Fault

It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes. We all do it, as that is what makes us human. That being said, if your partner never admits fault for a problem, wants you to apologize for the thing that they did, it could be an underlying sign of emotional manipulation.

For example, if that person was in the wrong, has body language suggesting that they know but still refuse to acknowledge their mistakes, this behaviour could gradually escalate onto increasingly bigger issues until it’s too late.

While apologizing and accepting our faults is never easy, being in a partnership requires compromises and we have to put out unadulterated egos in check. Otherwise, we’re just blatantly hurting others for the sake of hurting them.

3) Having a Dozen Supposedly Terrible Relationships

When you’re in a partnership, sometimes that person carries a lot of emotional baggage behind them. Sometimes, through no fault of their own, their prior relationship ended on bad terms.

While some people may have had a myriad of terrible situations and even more have had an even worse stroke of luck, if there is a struggle to maintain healthy relationships consistently, it could be something to watch out for.

For example, if this person describes every ex-partner as being the “crazy one”, a bit of critical thinking is needed, especially when it seems to happen to them all the time.

4) Hostile Mistrusting and Blatant Lying

Trust takes time to accumulate, especially when you’re in the earliest stages of a relationship. It builds, just as a map might, once you explore the various avenues of a partner, from their minor personal habits to their overarching dreams.

However, if you feel that this person is hiding something major from you, trust your gut instinct. Your body might be picking up on something that is outside of your immediate conscious awareness. It is your moral compass when all else fails.

If the partner finds themselves consistently blaming others for their problems, and is consistently combative when asked to elaborate on various things, consider it a potential warning.

If the person is genuinely struggling to share something because it is triggering and they need time to process their emotional turmoil, be patient. When they feel ready, they will tell you.

5. Having Too Much Possessiveness and Control

Abuse can arrive in many forms. It doesn’t have to be physical — it can be emotional too. Emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical problems, causing vitriol and turmoil within the deep recesses of your body.

Since abuse follows a range of behaviours, it can start off small, even escalate until you realize it way too late. For example, if your partner prevents you from spending time with one person and gradually it turns into not being able to see your family at all, then that’s a problem.

If they don’t respect your boundaries, that’s also a major red flag, as issues of consent are being violated. Furthermore, if you’re doing things not because you like it, but because the partner likes it, it’s no longer a partnership, it’s now an imbalanced power differential.

While these are not the only red flags found in a relationship, perhaps they have given you greater insight into your personal situations. Clear communication with a partner can also reduce misinformation if you are feeling burdened.

If you’re in danger, create a tentative plan of action, and seek help when you are able to. While communication is great, it’s optimal to seek long-term and professional third-party support, especially for that neutral insight.

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