Summary

The provided web content discusses gaslighting as a form of psychological manipulation, detailing its definition, historical origins, techniques used, reasons people gaslight, warning signs, and strategies for overcoming its effects.

Abstract

Gaslighting is identified as a manipulative tactic that causes individuals to doubt their own perceptions and sanity. The term originates from the 1938 play and 1944 film "Gaslight," where a husband manipulates his wife into questioning her reality. The article outlines various gaslighting techniques, such as denial, misdirection, and emotional abuse, and suggests that gaslighters may be motivated by narcissism, lack of emotion, or personal trauma. It also provides a list of warning signs to help identify gaslighting in relationships and offers advice on how to overcome its effects, including seeking support from others and maintaining a personal record of events. The content emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and recognizing one's worth in the face of such manipulation.

Opinions

Gaslighting is seen as a serious form of emotional abuse that can have detrimental effects on an individual's mental health.
The article suggests that gaslighters often have underlying issues such as narcissism or an inability to process emotions properly.
It is implied that gaslighters are responsible for their actions and should seek professional help.
The content encourages victims to trust their instincts and to seek external validation and support when dealing with a gaslighter.
The author advocates for self-care and the rebuilding of one's support network as crucial steps in recovering from gaslighting.
There is an underlying belief that individuals should not tolerate such manipulative behavior and have the right to be treated with respect.

What is Gaslighting?

Insights From an Aspiring Therapist

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person discreetly embeds the seeds of doubt onto an individual and/or a group of people, making them question their judgement and memory.

Furthermore, the person who is being gaslit may start to exhibit unsavoury characteristics like crippling self-esteem, a lack of confidence, increased anxiety, and/or disorientation because of their abuser.

Photo by Tom Pumford on Unsplash — Gaslighting can make anyone cry.

Other Definitions of Gaslighting

According to Metro and Medical News Today, other definitions can include:

Subtle manipulation of a person’s perception of reality, particularly from a place of power, like a parent, spouse, or a boss
Emotional abuse of power, resulting in undue harm in a romantic or platonic relationship
The covert manipulation of information that makes you question if you are still sane
Undermining the judgement of someone else, just to make them super dependent on you, and using emotional tactics to keep them in check

The History Behind The Term

According to Metro and The World, the term was first used in the Academy award-winning 1938 play and 1944 film called Gaslight. The main character in the film adaptation is Paula and her husband, Gregory, convinces her that she is going insane.

He apparently went about it in increments, convincing her that she was doing multiple misdeeds even though she wasn’t doing any such thing.

Throughout the film, the husband uses physical gaslights for the upstairs flat, slowly and steadily dimming the flame. Even though the wife picks up on this, he tells her that she is imagining it.

I’m not going to tell you how the movie ends, so I will let you determine her fate in the film.

Hint: It doesn’t have to be a terrible demise.

Gaslighting Techniques

According to Psychology Today, if you’re ever dealing with someone who is a gaslighter, you might notice the following:

Repeated denial that a problem occurred in the first place
The person framing themselves as the victim somehow, instead of the actual victim
Misdirection when a conversation does not go their way
Hiding important things from you and acting like it’s your fault
Using your own words against you, as ammunition
Claiming that they never said a specific thing, even though they said it
Suggesting that your friends or family are the enemies
Invalidation of your unique problems…followed by positive reinforcement, just to weaken and confuse you
Repeated lectures that you are at fault and/or wrong all the time, to the point that you might start believing it yourself

Photo by Christopher Burns on Unsplash — Don’t believe the abuser. You deserve to be treated with respect.

Why Do Some People Gaslight?

People should never gaslight you. While it is not fully understood why people gaslight others, here are a few potential suggestions:

Narcissism, toxicity, and/or power: the person could be a narcissist, with a misguided sense of grandiose power over the victim.
Lack of emotion: the person may have the inability to understand certain emotions as most people do. However, they can still read about things and see how others react to different situations.
Personal trauma: the person may lack the emotional intelligence to understand others through a lack of socialization and/or trauma from their own childhood.

At the end of the day, even if the gaslighter went through abuse, the onus is on the gaslighter to not be rude, whether it is seeking professional help and reflecting on their personal behaviour.

The Warning Signs

If you are the one that is a relationship with a potential gaslighter, consider the following questions as red-flags:

Social inequalities such as power differentials: is the person many years older than you? Are they the same gender or different?
Are they withholding important social and financial information from you, claiming it is for your own good?
Are they constantly arguing and discrediting anything you say, even when you know that you are not wrong and have reliable research to back your claims?
Do they send you verbal attacks, including mean-spirited jokes that make you uncomfortable? Do they try to spin it on you as not being able to take a joke?
Are they preventing you from seeing other family members, friends, other members of the community?
Are you often second-guessing and ruminating on various things? Are you questioning your judgement a lot?
Do you feel that they are minimizing your worth every day? Are you starting to believe the things that they are saying to you?
Is this person blackmailing you into doing something that you don’t like? Are you staying because the person pulled puppy dog eyes on you, despite being rude most of the time?

How to Overcome and Survive Gaslighting

As Ariel Leve pointed out in her TED Talk and in her article on The Guardian, some of the key takeaways include:

Remaining defiant against the person
Recognizing that accountability from the abuser will not happen
Letting go of the wishes that things can change in the dynamic
Establishing a healthy detachment to the person

Better by Today on NBC News, alongside Medical News Today pointed out some other interesting tips as well:

Identifying and recognizing that there’s a problem in the dynamic
Trusting your gut instincts
Giving yourself permission to feel the emotions inside you
Allowing yourself the emotional freedom to be extricated away from the person, even if they beg you to not leave
Making small decisions, in baby steps, to get out of the situation safely, such as resisting the urge to argue back
Keeping a secure journal or using an email to record all events, alongside photographs and voice memos
Getting a second opinion, whether it is through friends, family, a counsellor, or even someone online
Seeking out emergency services, suicide hotlines, and/or crisis hotlines

Photo by ben o'bro on Unsplash — You can do this. You got this.

Finally, re-develop compassion for yourself, whether it is through rebuilding your support network and creating a list of positive self-affirming statements.

After all, you are just as important as the next person and you deserve to be treated with respect, just like everyone else.