The 3 R’s We Need For Deciphering A More Meaningful Life
And I don’t mean readin’, ‘ritin’ and ‘rithmatic!
You were created for more than to bear the weight of your shadows- but you have to choose to no longer let them define you. You have to choose to let the light shine through the shattered pieces. — Kara Swanson, Dust
Even as a child, I had a driving curiosity, or “need to know”: What makes others tick? Why did he do this? How did that happen? When did she do that? Who can gimme answers? No, really…who has the skinny?!
Yet it wasn’t until I experienced some traumatic chapters in my adult life that I realized I was actually searching all along for how to fit into my part of the world.
Because when things get turned upside down and the status quo changes, that’s the time when we are forced to decide: Who am I? And why am I here?
Nothing stays the same so why should we?
In other words, for us to evolve into a Thriver, not simply a Survivor, we need to cultivate the enduring characteristics of Resiliency, Relevancy, and Redemption.
Resiliency is what keeps us from breaking. Who hasn’t experienced difficulties, dilemmas, or disappointments with unexpected events? We dream and we plan and we work towards certain outcomes. But when things turn out differently, what’s our next move? Do we pivot or do we stop?
It’s easy to let a situation define us. When things don’t go our way, we can slip into the role of martyr (“Poor me, this happened to me! I’m stuck here. This is who I am now.”)
But what if we let the circumstance refine us? What if we used it to polish and hone our inner grit?
When I first met Shannon at a social gathering, she managed to share in the first 30 minutes that her Ex cheated on her — and that he was a narcissist. (blink and double-take!)
Yet think of how many other ways she could have introduced her marital status, i.e., “After my divorce, I returned to school to finally attain my degree in art history”, or “I’m no longer married and open to a new relationship”.
Which would you choose: Bitter or better? Punishment or forgiveness?
Instead of saying, ‘I’m damaged, I’m broken, I have trust issues’, say ‘ I’m healing, I’m rediscovering myself, I’m starting over.’ — Horacio Jones
Relevancy is what a rudder is to a boat: it propels us forward. When one chapter closes, our purpose may be ripe for a change. While it’s natural to mourn the end of a beloved era, wishing and wanting it to resume is neither practical nor useful for our growth.
Few people have one sole purpose in life. We are urged to follow our passion, but in fact, we can have many. Have the courage to regroup and reassess for where to head next.
After all, passion can sound so lofty. We may be hesitant to start because what if it isn’t worthy? What if it’s not quite right? What will others think?
Well, firstly, relax! It’s not a race. Inspiration will come when you take time to discover a new purpose or decide to go deep with curiosity in a new direction.
And secondly, if you feel outside pressure to “make the right choice” (and there is no wrong choice, just different choices—really!) then adopt the empowering phrase shared here:
The bottom line is, we all yearn to feel useful. No one wants to simply take up breathing space.
And there are many possible paths ahead. Enjoy exploring several of them. Trust that your heart will know (and let you know) when you start walking down one that feels so right, you’re lit up. Then keep going!
You can learn new things at any time in your life if you’re willing to be a beginner. If you actually learn to like being a beginner, the whole world opens up to you. — Barbara Shur
Redemption is what empowers us to embrace change. We make peace with the endings of certain life chapters. We comfort ourselves rather than berate ourselves over past choices.
It’s true that some of our choices were better than others. And sometimes we knew that—but we forged ahead anyway. So what? Perhaps there was a hard yet invaluable lesson within that we needed to learn. Did we? Great, onward!
I personally have improved with disengaging from “woulda-shoulda-coulda” ruminations. Those late night flogging-when-I-can’t-sleep times where I’d go way back and painfully examine what missteps led to which missed opportunities. Hardly productive, right?
I did what I did. It’s done. I learned something. Now, I’ll do things differently. End of topic.
The most important person we can forgive is ourselves. Because until we do, we are shackled to our shame. And that prevents us from seizing opportunities all around us, just waiting for us to start over and begin again.
Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it life. — Robin Sharma
It’s time: Banish being Rigid, Rusty, and full of Regret. Open yourself to change and usher in a new, creative chapter in this one precious life!
© Mary Vraa
For a truly inspiring story on resiliency, relevancy, and redemption, meet my brave friend, Michele, The Sober Vegan Yogi
My thanks to the time and efforts of the KTHT editorial staff who share our stories: Diana C., Spyder, Ravyne Hawke, jules, & George Blue Kelly.
