Summary

The article presents a mantra, "S.W.S.W.S.W.N. (Some Will, Some Won’t, So What, Next!)", as a strategy for maintaining resilience in the face of negative or disheartening reactions from others.

Abstract

The article discusses the challenge of dealing with negative feedback or reactions from people, which can lead to feelings of rejection, embarrassment, or anger, and often results in a loss of self-confidence. The author introduces the mantra "S.W.S.W.S.W.N." as a powerful tool to navigate these situations, emphasizing the importance of not taking others' words or actions personally and moving forward regardless of their responses. This approach is particularly relevant in scenarios where rejection is common, such as in sales or creative endeavors. The author reflects on personal experiences, including childhood memories and recent interactions with readers, to illustrate how the mantra can shield one's self-worth and maintain momentum. The article encourages readers to adopt this mindset to preserve their self-image and resilience when faced with criticism, silence, or rudeness.

Opinions

The author believes that it's crucial not to internalize negative reactions from others to avoid deflating one's self-worth.
There is an emphasis on the idea that one should not make assumptions about the intentions behind others' negative or silent reactions.
The article suggests that the tendency to personalize others' behavior is detrimental and should be avoided.
The author shares a personal anecdote about their father's bad moods affecting them as a child, highlighting the impact of others' negativity on personal well-being.
The author admits to initially taking it personally when some writers do not respond to readers' comments but then uses the S.W.S.W.S.W.N. mantra to move past this feeling.
The mantra is presented as a versatile tool applicable to various situations, from receiving criticism to being ignored or treated rudely.
The author expresses gratitude to specific individuals for their support in sharing personal stories, indicating the value of community and mutual support in maintaining a positive self-image.

An All-Purpose Mantra For Navigating Troubling Things People Say And Do

And it’s the bomb, trust me!

What if the things people said or did could just roll off your back?

You know, the stuff that leaves you feeling rejected, embarrassed, or even angry. Then self-doubt chimes in. Doesn’t matter what their intent was … it still deflates your self-worth.

Whatever you were doing that previously felt good now feels lame or out of reach, thanks to their reaction. Your momentum falters.

Don’t you hate being put in a corner? (I know Baby does!)

S.W.S.W.S.W.N. to the rescue!

Which means:

Some Will, Some Won’t, So What, Next!

I can’t take credit for coining this ingenious phrase. I heard it from a colleague when we were working full commission gigs. Where rejection is a real and regular part of the job. You need to accept that it’s a numbers game.

If you keep at it, you will get a “yes” along the way. But if you let a “no” get under your skin, you lose your mojo (and a future paycheck).

Who knows why other people say the things they do? Same thing when they go radio silent. Did they mean to offend or were they just tactless? Maybe they were distracted with their own troubles and so not really focused on us.

We can only speculate but you know the problem with making assumptions…

And the human tendency to make things personal is a devious co-conspirator that leads to second-guessing ourselves and our worth.

I remember when my dad would be in a foul mood from a tough day at work. His sharp and angry words would feel like little knives stabbing at my heart. I would actually feel guilty as if I did something wrong!

Of course, I didn’t, but as a child, I didn’t have the wisdom to know this. I got sucked into the dark energy he was spewing. I sought refuge in my bedroom so I didn’t occupy unearned space. I tried to make myself small.

Yet how many of us adults often allow other people’s negativity to become our own hairshirt? How often do we let other people’s disinterest or off-the-cuff remarks lead to doubting our capabilities?

The other day, I pondered why some writers don’t reply to their readers’ comments.

Replies Are Not Optional

Comments are gifts deserving our thanks

medium.com

Some of my own readers commented that this was a wake-up call for them and thanked me. Others gently suggested not to take it personally. And I’ll be honest, I kinda did because I believe it’s courteous to acknowledge a comment from someone who stopped to read my words. How hard is it to read theirs? Or, at the very least, clap?

Well guess what: not everyone thinks like I do! So when I reminded myself about that, I thought, “S.W.S.W.S.W.N.” And then I moved on, feeling fine with myself.

Pretty ingenious hack, no?

It works beautifully in so many situations where others’ actions or words (intentional or not) have the potential to deflate our sense of self:

They point out flaws
They say no
They say nothing
They ignore us
They speak rudely to us
They cut us off (in traffic or mid-sentence)

The list goes on.

But more importantly, so do I: head held high, self-image intact. And so should you.

My thanks to Diana C., jules , Spyder , Ravyne Hawke , George Blue Kelly for your continuous KTHT efforts in curating and sharing our personal stories!