About Me — Michele Maize

I am a proud survivor of cancer, addiction, abuse, and the grip of my mother.

Hi Medium friends!!

I’m Michele. Yes, I am sober, plant-based, and addicted to yoga. I need my namaste every day or I feel like a sloth.

So here goes…

I was born into a chaotic, abusive, alcoholic home. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old, and I always thought it was because my Dad wanted out.

I thought that because I wanted out, too! My mom was a scary, violent, mean, and hurtful person. She still is many of those things.

Just recently, I found out she cheated on my dad and made him move out. But, she always blamed it on him, lying and twisting the truth. This is her M.O.

For the next 10 years, it was constant turmoil, and emotional and physical abuse, even after my stepdad came into the picture. He became a punching bag for her abuse, as well.

You can read about the day she kicked me out of the house here:

Moving in and living with my dad and step-mom was a dream from age 11–to 18, although I gave them many gray hairs when I hit 16 years old.

I drank alcoholically from that first sip. I was instantly free from my pain and social anxiety and thought…

This is what I’ve been searching for! This is how I want to feel.

Somehow I managed to graduate and get into college. San Jose State University… a free pass to party whenever I wanted to.

After year 2, I was on academic probation and my parents stopped paying for college, leaving me with debt that I couldn’t pay for. So, I moved to San Diego with my roommate for a fresh start.

It was a fresh start to party harder. I vowed to keep my ass in school and get a job, which I landed and it paid good money for someone that was 20 years old.

I was able to pay my rent, bills, and community college, while still having enough money to party. A classic case of enabling myself.

Oh, I forgot I was addicted to drugs, too. That was my problem, so I thought. It wasn’t drinking, and honestly, at the time, it was true.

After a catastrophic week of getting fired, my boyfriend dumped me, and a gnarly kidney infection forced me into quitting.

Rock bottom, if you want to call it that.

So, I quit. I never touched the drug again. Alcohol, on the other hand, was fine. It’s legal and everyone drinks.

With no job, no money, and no self-worth, I crawled back to my parent's house, with my tail between my legs. I straightened up for a while. Got a good job and am back at community college. 3 years later and I still didn’t have my associate's degree.

While I write this, all I think is, what a loser! But, somehow it didn’t bother me.

On a night in April of 2000, my life changed. I met my husband, out at a bar, duh! Where else would I meet someone? Oh, I tried online dating once, and F*CK that, but it was 2000 and the guy was weird AF!

We moved in together 3 months later against our parent's wishes. But, he lived 30 miles from me, and in Southern California, that’s at least 1 hour in the car.

We partied hard together, married in 2003, and up until I got pregnant with my first daughter, 3 months after we got married.

We did not take a breather in between.

My daughter was born and the miracle of life unfolded in front of me. I’d never been so in love. I vowed to be different for her. I was going to be the mother I never had.

Honestly, I think I did a pretty good job and kept my drinking under control (kinda) during this time. I was pregnant again 2.5 years later with my 2nd daughter. After I had her, this is where things started to spiral out of control.

I was a stay-at-home mom with a lot of time on her hands. So, I drank… sometimes during the day but never before 3 unless I was doing a boozy mom lunch.

This went on until my husband came home early from work one day, to find me passed out while the girls were having friends over for a playdate.

Not my finest moment but the moment that landed me in rehab. Off to detox and a 30-day recovery center I went, begrudgingly. But, I did stay sober for a year and a half, until I found out that I had breast cancer.

I was livid. I was upset that being so healthy landed me with breast cancer. I had no idea at the time that alcohol causes cancer. I was young (32) and especially young to be diagnosed with breast cancer. I was convinced it must be the food I was eating.

So, I went vegan. I juiced every day up until my first surgery, a double mastectomy.

Oh, I forgot to add that I found out I had cancer on my younger daughter's 5th birthday. We got the call when we were at Disneyland and she was taking pictures with a princess. I put on a brave face and cried alone in the bathroom.

You can read about my free passes to drink here:

Once I was done with my second reconstructive surgery, I bartered my way through my husband’s barrier to be able to have a drink.

In and out of sobriety for the next 10 years of my life taught me many valuable lessons, which I think made it easier to get sober for good. It better be for good!

I had many jobs and career changes over this time. I’ve been an office manager, a culinary student, got my real estate license, decided I wanted to be a nurse so I did all my pre-requisites for that, and a caregiver at an Alzheimer’s facility.

The caregiving job was my last place of employment and although I loved it for a few years, it got really depressing and I was stuck. March 2020 was a blessing and a curse because it opened my eyes to the fact that I needed to change.

In between, I was drinking on occasion but always to excess when I did. On January 6, 2021, I took my last drink. The next morning I saw my mother staring at me in the mirror and literally said to myself, I AM DONE!

I continued with private home caregiving up until September 2021 when I decided to move on and continue my passion for helping people. But, this time I would be helping people in sobriety.

Finally, at 43, I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I was scared and worried but kept reminding myself that it was never too late to get started on a new path to success.

The past 19 months of my life have been dedicated to being the best mom and wife I can be. I tried so hard to create a home that was loving, but there was always this underlying factor of my drinking that brought the whole family down.

I wasn’t like my mother because I didn’t abuse anyone, but I was abusing myself and everyone was watching me deteriorate.

Now, at 44, I am finally proud of myself and the person I am today. I clawed my way out of that pit of despair, did the work, went to therapy, got my bipolar disorder under control with meds, and I feel like a brand new version of myself.

I am a proud survivor of cancer, addiction, abuse, and the grip of my mother. I love being free and at peace, with my newfound love for writing. Life is good!

One last tidbit… I love animals (another reason I am vegan) and especially love my dachshund, Wendy the Weiner dog! Someday I’ll move out of this crazy, crowded, rat race of a city in Southern California to a place in the country where I can get a pack of little dachshunds. Life will be REALLY good!

If you liked my story, become a member and subscribe to Medium to read all you want each month, including my articles.

Thanks for reading!

Much love, Michele