avatarA Nkeonye Judith Izuka-Aguocha

Summary

The author reflects on the realization that a successful marriage requires continuous effort, acknowledging the challenges and rewards that come with it.

Abstract

The author, who got married at the age of 40, discusses the common perception of marriage as hard work, a view they were familiar with through married friends. Despite enjoying single life for nearly four decades, they entered marriage with open eyes, prepared for its demands. Celebrating their first wedding anniversary and experiencing both private disagreements and family getaways, the author emphasizes that marriage involves navigating personality clashes, differing worldviews, insecurities, and communication issues. The author concludes that marriage, much like life, will have its awesome, glorious, and shitty times, and that prayer remains an essential part of their life, especially in the context of marriage.

Opinions

  • Marriage is often described as "work" by those who are experienced with it.
  • The author was psychologically prepared for marriage, suggesting a level of maturity and realism about the commitment.
  • Marriage involves a mix of enjoyable moments and conflicts, which are normal and to be expected.
  • The author values prayer as a crucial support in their marital journey.
  • The idea of a perfect marriage is redefined as the union of two imperfect individuals who choose not to give up on each other.

That Moment You Realize That Marriage Is Work

A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other

Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash

By general African standards, I got married late… at 40, which was last year. Before that, I hung around friends who were married. That was to be expected since most of my colleagues turned friends got married either in medical school or right after. To give you perspective, medical school was about 15 years ago.

It was commonplace to hear comments like “marriage is work”. Marriage is a scam.” “Have all the fun you can as a single woman. Marriage and child-rearing change the dynamic.”

I have enjoyed being single for almost four decades. As I have entered marriage, I am psychologically prepared for it and have entered it with my eyes wide open.

I celebrated my 1 year wedding anniversary in July. This month, hubby and I have done a couple of getaways with family. In our private moments, we have had our fair share of disagreements. Some are squabbles and others are different.

Some of our clashes stem from personality differences. Others stem from varying world views, individual insecurities, and misunderstandings in communication.

Just yesterday, we had another. As we talked it over and made up, I had a realization. For the rest of the years, we would be together, I am going to be seeing a lot of these or variations. And then I had my epiphany: marriage is work.

Yes, there will be awesome times and glorious times but there’ll be shitty times too. The last time I checked, that’s life. Well, like most things in my life, prayer has always been indispensable. I do not expect that this would be any different.

“A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.” — Unknown

Life
Life Lessons
Marriage
Love
Relationships
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