Thank God I Am a Textbook Case for Anxiety Disorder
We are not alone and we can get through this
When I was 15 years old and a super history geek, I watched a documentary about the Holocaust and it shocked me so much I couldn’t speak for hours at school.
People thought I was weird (maybe I am), but I was so fundamentally taken aback by it and I had no words.
My innocent days of teenagehood was destroyed and since then there is always something on the news, in a documentary, that triggers me. Nuclear wars, trade wars, climate change…negative news, negative moods.
Guess what happened in 2020, Trump, Brexit, Hong Kong, oh and the pandemic! I was dragged into anxiety hell zone and finally met with a therapist.
“It’s normal, many people are affected,” says the therapist empathetically. “Really? This badly?”
Really, this badly. I am a textbook case of anxiety disorder, and I feel great about it.
Same same but different
It’s the same old tale. Narcissistic mothers, neglective fathers, highly critical mono-cultural standards, over-critical comments, low self-esteem, massive fear.
Most of us who suffer from anxiety have an overactive amygdala. This causes us to feel unsafe because we are trained to be paranoid. Some are more severe, with a certain form of physical violence, mental abandonment, all shapes and sizes of wounds.
As much as they are different they are similar, they create the same effects in our brain. We feel unsafe, we feel unseen, we feel inadequate.
So I am happy because it’s not a new-found un-explainable mental disorder I have. I am a textbook case, and there are thousands of psychology experiments done on my forebearers and peers.
I can surely be safe.
Is it better to have mental health than a physical health issue?
Of course not, we can’t compare like this. Apart from the painful fact that society reacts so poorly to mental health issues, both physical and mental health are equally important, and the opposite of it, equally painful and lithal.
But I am glad I have such a common mental health problem because my solution doesn’t involve painful treatments and medication. It requires a mindset change to see life differently at each minute of my life. Now that’s quite hard too, but we can try again and again.
It’s progress every time we choose self-acceptance rather than self-loathe, it’s progress every time we learn to deal with suffering. In fact, some say that suffering is the rite of passage to enlightenment. If you are in physical illness, maybe it’s also worth considering whether your pain can show you insights into the truth of life.
Let’s become wiser together
The time of big boys don’t cry and sweep mental illness under the carpet has gone. Those are mistakes and they should be past tense. There are enough of us wise enough to recognise this phenomenon as something truly needed help.
The point of this article is to reach out to whoever reading this and are currently feeling so lonely and hopeless, either by the world, by a specific event or because you already know you have an illness (we all can empathise how one mental or physical illness can easily trigger another).
You are not alone.
Yes, perhaps that means we are not special at all. But being on the peak of shit is not a great place to be, if possible, I wish every single people are ordinary and happy in the health, and we have derived a much better education system to equip everyone when it comes to mysterious things happening to our body, mind and soul.
It’s only by then, can we create and achieve extraordinary things that truly matter.
This is my current mantra for you to try out:
I am together with everyone else in this. I am protected. I am leaning in to my support network. I am loved. I am accepted. I am appreciated.
Here are more soothing words I write that might relax your mind:
