Dating | Singles

Tall Man Wanted For Short Woman With Housework Allergy

I have just discovered that there are men who will do it for us — tall men!

I recently read a fascinating article that shared how tall men are more attractive than short men.

There were some points made by the author, who, at 6' 1" claims to be of average height, which unexpectedly hit me like a ton of bricks. They made me realise that every value I have held in my search for “the right man” was wrong.

A tall man is likelier to be better educated and earn more than a shorter man.

They tend to do more housework than a shorter man.

His oversized clothes are a great nightshirt, which helps a woman feel closer to her man.

Then can get things from your high self which make a helpful man.

They can be found in a crowd and spot things that the lady can’t due to their height advantage. — some of the claims made in ‘The Article’

It was the housework point that hit me like a lightning bolt. This is where I have been going wrong all my life!

I realised my mistake was the whole reason I have failed in love (and life) for so long. And the very reason I have a dirty house.

Every single man I have dated has been around 5'11" which I now discover is probably considered short or, at least, below average.

That’s why they are all lazy shits and I have had to do pretty much everything to keep house.

Which, as it happens, I am sure I am completely allergic to.

And now I discover they were also unattractive!

Truth be told, I hadn’t realised this before. I’d actually been totally deluded, thinking they were quite decent-looking but the article helped to open my eyes to this undisputed fact.

How could I have been so blind?

Because facts are facts and tall men — at least 6'2" apparently — are the most attractive.

And they all look like this:

Yum! 😬😳😬

My friend, Deb, confirmed these facts in not so many words when she wrote about her 7' tall toy boy. She claims there was no love interest but I think she was just feigning piety on her holy pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago de Compostella in Spain.

In her words,

“He had dark hair, huge amber eyes, and wore dark orange pants. He was perhaps thirty, and walked alone…It wasn’t a love interest, although he was good looking…Age shouldn’t be a roadblock either. The kind of men I like feel the same way…That men always have a relationship, even if just a fleeting one, on the mind…I love men.”

Just give over, Deb. How many times can you allude to his good looks (and height) and your love of (younger) men and still think you’re getting away with the obvious?

I did ask her about the housework thing but she was unable to comment, claiming there were no houses to clean on the Camino.

I think they were just too busy doing other things (wink, wink).

“Yeah, walking,” says Deb.

Other advantages to dating a tall man include:

• Saving money on pyjamas (because I can just steal his clothes)
• Plucking things I can’t reach from my ‘high self’ (is that my higher self or my high-on-drugs self, I wonder) and, in doing so, being a ‘helpful man’
• Plucking things I can’t reach from high up places, be it the best berry on the bush, the best cilantro leaves from the...oh no, that doesn’t work — but then again, scaling the shelves in the supermarket to reach the milk has kept me quite nimble over the years.

It also turns out that tall men are typically better educated and tend to earn more than shorter ones and, obviously, that figures. I wish I could discuss these facts with my late 5'8" Uncle Derek who helped the allies to win World War II with his linguistic ability and fluency in seven languages, won a scholarship to Cambridge University, and helped to form what later became the European Union.

It turns out he was thick as shit after all…cos, you know, short and all that. Who knew?

And I do wonder how he could afford that big house with the indoor swimming pool on his piddly income…

Anyway, back to those tall men who like to do housework — if you see one, can you send him my way? I’ve so had it with mopping floors and, well, I have a very high ceiling that I can barely see for the cobwebs.

Not to mention the other areas where the dust is gathering 😳

And please hurry!

Key observation: No mention of big…um…hands was made.

Ps. There were no sources given for the obviously very detailed research into the above facts but don’t let that deter you from the truth!

Thanks for reading my Badform! It turns out Deb likes to write Badform too!