SATIRE | A MISSION TO SOLVE UNSOLVED MYSTERIES
Women Like to Shop and Men Hate It, Why?
It’s in their blood
*A collab between Gaurav Jain and Michael Burg, MD (AKA Medium Michael Burg) but mostly Gaurav Jain. He told me to say that.
Look at the female in the picture above. What do you see? If your prefrontal cortex gets aroused by one or many of the following questions, welcome to the tribe.
- Why is she almost airborne, straining to get the one item beyond her reach?
- Why can’t she take one of the other items she can easily access?
- Why is she after the one item that’s somehow managing to hold on for dear life and escape her deadly claws?
- Where does her commitment go when she can’t fetch the cereal container on her kitchen’s top shelf?
- Why instead does she use her unique prowess to entice her male partner to get it for her in exchange for PDA — Privately Displayed Affection.
The answers behind the mysterious behavior of the person above lie in the history of her evolution. It is in her genes, as proven by the excellent scientific minds of the twenty-first century.
From the stone age, males had one responsibility and one responsibility only — feeding their clan.
Males would risk their lives, going into the jungle’s depth to hunt alone. A male would shoot whatever creature came his way since it could be supper for his family. It did not matter to him if it were a rabbit, a bear, or a leather jacket.
Get it done and over with it.
Females however, were primarily gatherers. Gathering was an exasperating, but unsatisfying, social event.
They would walk over vast patches of land until they found the perfect vegetable, the perfect berry, and the perfect leaf of cilantro.
Their return to the caves would lead to a social display of the fruits of their conquest. And, pretty much nobody noticed, especially the males. Thus, the dissatisfaction.
The species continued to evolve — jungles became offices, berry patches became malls — but females still derive pleasure from their expeditions to find wonderful things.
This phenomenon humanity now knows, and will continue to know for centuries to come, as shopping.
And guess, what? Males still don’t care.
As is said “men buy, women shop”.
Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她) asked me if received $500, what would I spend it on? This was my response.
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