Submission Guidelines

Summary

Sweary Mommy is a publication seeking humorous, edgy, and authentic personal stories about parenting, with a preference for content containing swear words and a tone similar to satirical and absurd comedy.

Abstract

Sweary Mommy invites submissions from a broad range of caregivers, including parents, teachers, and grandparents, with a particular interest in stories that are relatable and humorous. The publication emphasizes authenticity and a touch of irreverence, welcoming topics such as potty training, mental health, and the absurdities of parenting. Contributions should include at least one swear word and reflect a style reminiscent of satirical media like South Park or The Onion. The editor values creativity, black comedy, and personal anecdotes that resonate with the struggles and joys of caregiving, with a word limit of around 3,000 words.

Opinions

The editor has a strong preference for genuine, humorous content that doesn't shy away from the more vulgar aspects of parenting.
Swearing is not just allowed but encouraged, as it aligns with the publication's brand and comedic style.
There is a desire for stories that are both entertaining and reflective of the challenges and triumphs of raising children or caring for others.
The editor is looking for a specific tone that balances intellectual humor with the candidness of parenting, avoiding overly sanitized or conventional narratives.
Satirical takes on parenting and pop culture are highly favored, with an emphasis on the absurd and the blackly comic aspects of daily life.
Personal experiences with mental health issues, bizarre medical occurrences, and the trials of homeschooling are of interest, suggesting a desire for content that addresses less commonly discussed aspects of parenting.
The publication seems to cater to an audience that appreciates sharp wit and a no-holds-barred approach to storytelling in the context of parenting and caregiving.

Write for Sweary Mommy; all the cool kids are doin’ it.

Are you a parent — of humans, pets, sentient LEGO men, and/or plants? And/or are you Kristine Laco? Write something for my pub, please. Teachers, caregivers of all stripes, and grandparents are welcome, too.

ORIGIN STORY: This pub was created because a lot of people have Kool-Aid Manned out of my snatch. I have a lot to say about Momming. And one time I even wrote something I poured my guts into for Scary Mommy (which got picked up by The Narrative Collective, here) but SM was being mean and randomly stopped taking submissions. They blocked me from commenting on their FB/Twitter posts, too, since I kept “@”-ing them.

“Then I’ll do it myself,” said the little red hen!

What am I looking for here at this fine publication? We here at Sweary Mommy aspire to be the Beavis and Butt-Head of Mommy/Daddy/Nonbinary-Parent humor and happenings. If Beavis and Butt-Head were somewhat intellectual, that is. Swearing of some kind is also required — come on, at least one word, people.

If you say “fiddle dee dee!” when you’ve stepped on a Lego, this is not the pub for you!

Non-Fiction:

Poop/pee stories. Your kids’ or yours! Farts and puke are gold, too.

Pregnancy/birth stories that are truly crazy.

Wayward Muppet stories.

Intersibling assholery.

Seuss stuff.

Sh*t your kids have actually said or done, especially if hilariously insolent.

Vacations gone wrong and other absurdist humor.

Quizzes on parenting topics (see my thing in Frazzled).

Ideas on how to make the whole parenting thing suck less when you’re really in the trenches.

Mental health and parenting.

Weird medical sh*t and how it has affected you/your family.

Parenting in pop culture (e.g., Bluey fandom).

What to do if your kids interrupt you during sex.

How anybody could ever manage to homeschool without it sucking ass.

How-to articles. Like about how to potty train a child, and whether or not you personally would potty train my youngest right now if I were to pay you handsomely.

I also love satire, black comedy, and absurdism. Team America: World Police; South Park, I am America (and so Can You!), Jon Stewart (and Trevor Noah), or The Onion-type stuff — all good as far as tone and style.

Parody children’s books could be interesting, too. If you feel like kissing my ass for some reason, please buy mine: Go the F*ck to School: A Children’s Book For Non-Homeschooling Adults [external link].

Anyway. I don’t know, man. Just send me your sh*t and I’m sure I’ll like at least something about it. A picture of something related to the story would be super duper, too.

Length: Whatever. Probably not more than 3,000 words? Is that a lot?

Tags: Please use “Sweary Mommy” plus one of the following:

Humor; Shit; and that’s pretty much all I can think of. And Parenting, maybe, if you’re feeling “extra.”

Comment on this story and ask to be added if I have not already harassed you. Please include your Medium handle.

Thanks and happy scribbling!

BLEWY

Submission Guidelines

Write for Sweary Mommy; all the cool kids are doin’ it.

“Then I’ll do it myself,” said the little red hen!