Stop Waiting For Permission To Live Your Life The Way You Want To
Nobody is going to give it to you.
More often than not, we have the idea that we need some kind of permission or approval to do what we want to do with our lives.
To complicate things further, this idea is so deeply stored in our subconscious minds that we don’t even realize how it controls most of our daily life.
I used to be just like that. Paying constant attention to the expectations of others was so normal to me that I had no idea how to follow my intuition, honor my needs, or stay true to my desires.
Thankfully, I’ve grown a lot over the past years. For the first time in my life, I’m prioritizing myself and my well-being. It feels amazing, but I’m not going to lie… It was not easy to get here.
The problem is that when you’ve spent years neglecting yourself, people are used to your selfless personality — and they expect you to keep that personality. They don’t like it when you tell them no. They don’t like it when you finally decide to stand up for yourself.
That’s precisely why you have to do it.
It All Comes Down To Our Worthiness
Most of our subconscious beliefs revolve around our worthiness.
When we see ourselves as worthy of something, we do whatever it takes to get it. We overcome any obstacle because we know we deserve better. We don’t settle for breadcrumbs because we’re grounded in our worthiness.
This applies to everything: relationships, career, and health.
On the other hand, if we have limiting beliefs around something, life will never give us what we want — because our subconscious mind is sabotaging our desires. This means that:
- If you don’t believe it’s possible to find a job that makes you feel fulfilled and allows you to express your passions, you’ll never find that job;
- If you don’t believe you deserve friends who support your growth and make you feel unconditionally loved, you’ll never find these friends;
- If you don’t believe you deserve a stable, healthy, loving relationship, you’ll never find that relationship;
- If you don’t believe it’s possible to be healthy and feel good about your body, you’ll never take the steps that would ultimately allow you to feel healthy;
- If you don’t believe you deserve to live a life you love, you’ll never have that life.
So, ask yourself: how do I limit myself? What am I doing (or thinking) that is preventing me from living the life I want to live?
Why We Feel Unworthy of Something — And How We Can Shift It
Feeling unworthy of something (love, health, success) usually comes from being raised in a dysfunctional family that never taught us how to set boundaries and honor our needs and desires.
There’s a direct relationship between our self-esteem and the environment we grew up in. If our parents showed love on a consistent basis, then we formed a secure attachment to them. That attachment allows us to experience healthy relationships, and it gives us the confidence to express ourselves.
If, on the other hand, our caregivers were self-absorbed, distant, controlling, or overwhelming, our sense of worthiness is compromised. Such parents usually convey messages like:
- “You have to be the perfect child to earn my love”;
- “I’m controlling because you can’t be trusted”;
- “I have an explosive temper because you always mess things up”;
- “You’re a failure”;
- “If you express yourself, there will be chaos and conflict”;
- “If you want to be successful, you have to do what’s expected of you — not what you want to do”.
Some of these messages are not conveyed directly — they’re implicit. For instance, if your parents reward you when you meet their expectations and get distant/angry when your personal choices don’t please them, you’ll likely end up doing what’s expected of you — because you want to feel loved by them.
These experiences have long-lasting consequences on how we feel about ourselves and our abilities, but here’s a little secret: from now on, you get to decide what you’re worthy of.
You get to decide what you want to do.
You get to decide what’s possible for you.
Let me tell you something. For many years, I didn’t believe I was worthy of love. I believed love was supposed to be unstable and unbalanced. I believed t it was normal for me to give more than I received.
As a consequence, I attracted people who reinforced my unworthiness (people whose actions made me feel unlovable, just like my parents did).
When I finally realized I had this pattern, I decided to get rid of it. From that point on, I’d constantly remind myself of the kind of relationship I wanted — a stable, fulfilling relationship filled with love and unconditional support.
When I attracted emotionally unavailable people who made me feel unlovable, I would tell myself “This is not what I want. This is not what I deserve”.
As time went by, their actions no longer affected me because I knew they had unresolved issues from their past, just like I did. I knew their inability to love didn’t mean I was unlovable.
A few months later, I found an amazing partner who loved every part of me and made me feel unconditionally accepted every single day. This was 5 years ago, and we’re still together (and I can definitely see us together for a very long time).
The only thing that changed was the fact that I decided I was worthy of a healthy, loving relationship. The fact that I decided I was worthy of love.
If you’re waiting for permission, approval, or validation to do something, ask yourself if you can give yourself the permission you need.
Chances are you can — you’re just too conditioned to actually do it.
Once you shed the layers of conditioning that are holding you back, you’ll realize you’re the only one with the power to make decisions about your life. So make them.
