If You’re A People-Pleaser, Read This
It’s not your job to make others feel comfortable.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent your whole life going out of your way to make others feel comfortable.
You’ve ignored your feelings. You’ve neglected your emotional life. You’ve convinced yourself that everything’s fine because, after all, the needs of others have always mattered more than your own.
We people-pleasers have been conditioned to believe it’s our job to make everyone else feel safe and content — and this belief is so strong that we’ve lost touch with our own needs and desires.
When we’re faced with challenges, instead of turning inward, we think “what does my family want? What do my friends think?”.
If you resonate with this, here’s what I want you to know.
It’s Not Your Job To Make Others Feel Comfortable
When you begin your healing journey, you usually assume that your loved ones will recognize and appreciate your growth.
You think they’ll support you, and maybe even be inspired by you. You believe they too will make an effort to dive into their desires and honor their authentic selves.
Unfortunately, that’s not how real life works.
More often than not, your family and friends feel threatened by the changes you’re making. They want you to stay the same because that’s what makes them feel comfortable. They don’t understand why you can’t simply go back to your old, familiar patterns.
The problem is, these patterns no longer serve you. You’re not who you were a year ago, nor do you want to be.
Here’s the thing: you don’t need their approval. You don’t need their validation. You don’t owe anyone anything.
It’s not your job to please them.
It’s not your job to make sure they don’t feel threatened.
It’s not your job to do their inner work for them.
I know your old self was used to being there for everyone, but there’s a reason why you’re changing. You don’t need to be this way anymore. You don’t need anyone to validate your decisions because the only validation you need comes from yourself.
Those who truly love you will adapt to the person you’re becoming and will support you every step of the way.
Why Are You Trying To Be Someone You’re Not?
More often than not, we perform to feel comfortable and fit in — meaning, we pretend to be someone we’re not so that we feel loved, respected, and accepted.
The problem is, the admiration and acceptance we receive through performing will never be authentic — because those who love the polished, superficial version of ourselves, have never seen us for who we are.
So let’s be honest.
Why are you trying to be someone you’re not if the real you has so much to offer? Why are you trying to be someone you’re not if your true self is right there, waiting for your permission to come out?
Why are you trying to be someone you’re not if your real desires are valid? If you’re worthy of love and acceptance just as you are?
Why are you trying to be someone you’re not if you have so much room to grow and expand? If real joy comes from being in alignment, and not from adapting and pretending?
Why are you trying to be someone you’re not if you know how miserable it makes you feel? If it saddens every little piece of your soul?
Tell me, how often do you feel joy? How often do you feel passion, purpose, and excitement?
Do you really want to spend your life — your precious years on this magical, beautiful planet — living like this? Do you really want to look back, a few decades from now, and think “wow, if only I had tried…”.
Let’s be really honest, aren’t you tired of pretending? Aren’t you tired of saying yes when you want to say no?
Isn’t life too short to neglect yourself?
“Once you realize that you are not a victim of your circumstances, and that you deserve to put yourself first — your whole life changes.
It won’t change overnight — it will be a slow, steady, painful journey that will force you to release your fears until you’re finally free from your conditioning. It will force you to look at your wounds, heal them, and accept the scars they leave within you.
More than anything, this journey will teach you something you should have been taught many years ago: boundaries.
It will teach you to set limits between your inner reality and the outer conditions; to stop for a minute before saying yes right away and instead focus on your gut instincts.”
in The One Question Every People-Pleaser Should Become Obsessed With
Letting go of your people-pleasing patterns can be scary, confusing, and overwhelming. But I want you to know you’re not alone.
At the end of the day, you know who you are and where you want to go. You just have to be brave enough to listen to your intuition and ignore the noise around you.
You have every right to prioritize yourself. No ifs, ands, or buts.
