JAN-2022 KNOW THYSELF PROMPT

Stop Fighting, Instead Learn To Dance In The Storm

In the end, only the love in your heart will stand strong

It had taken me a long time to realize that my instincts were correct. There is no grand finale. Life comprises dozens of brief moments stacked up to define the journey we are on. Every droplet of realization came with the understanding that not all curiosity is intrinsically good. Not all the baggage we choose to carry is as important as they appear.

Emotional vulnerability is not my strong suit. I don’t always feel comfortable opening my heart, yet I have managed okay so far. I’m a rare soul — a black rose hidden from the world.

My wounds have festered, and I was not proud of my scars. I survived through long, quiet nights. Darkness was my company, and Loneliness was my best friend. We cared for each other. We defended our private spaces.

You introduced me to vulnerability. You suggested that being vulnerable could be my superpower. You said we should take chances because, without risk, I will never know what is waiting for me on the other side.

I was strong and independent — wanting no one, needing nothing. I was content, satisfied, minding my own business until you came along and asked me to let you in. You said I was worthy of love, that I was worthy of more.

I trusted you — and took a chance.

I tear down my walls, letting you into my secret world. I showed you my hidden chambers that have not seen the light of day. Your light blazed through the tunnels of my heart. The icicles in my dungeon melted in your heat as you warmed through every passageway.

With you, I was a child again, exposed to the summer rays. I rediscovered the sounds of laughter and the wind dancing in my hair. I tasted the sweetness of love and basked in the warm sunshine. You snuffed out the candle in my soul and pulled back the curtains. The light poured in.

I embraced vulnerability. Without resistance, I tumbled into the deep hollow of your gravity. It was a breathtaking sight, strange and new. The world seemed to go on forever. You drew me into your open, unsuspecting heat — warm at the beginning, gradually becoming intense till it turned scorching hot.

My world laid flat and bare, carried by strange waves of unfamiliarity. Darkness shuts her eyes, and Loneliness hides her face. Exposed and scattered, I stayed afloat in the open ocean of sea sand. I was wandering across nowhere, hoping to arrive somewhere.

Suddenly, my world came to an abrupt stop. That was when you announced you were moving on because your part in my story had ended.

I let you go.

I blamed myself — not because it was over. But more because of the nagging feeling in my gut that showed somehow from the beginning, I knew you were not for me. Yet I took a chance. I wondered if perhaps vulnerability could be my superpower. It never was. Winter and summer do not collide.

I spent months finding my way around the dry sandy ground, lost in the chaos of my weary mind. Silent tears flowed quietly, disappearing like clouds beyond the desolate desert landscape. Unuttered words strewed across the infinite space devoid of meaning in this lifeless existence. I seek solace among the remaining frosts that sit within the pit of my heart.

Failing to guard my personal space, I fall into self-inflicted distortions. I blamed myself for all the hurt that slowly but surely pulled my life apart in a world where I don’t belong. Knowing there was no one left out there to redeem my broken self, I scrambled out of this mental prison, barely recognizing who I had become.

You told me once that love was never wrong. I’ve never quite understood that until much later, and I guess you were right.

By treating me carelessly, you made me realize I deserve so much more. I learned to love myself in a way you never could. I treasured my imperfections and valued my quirky ways because they prove who I am. The scars I wore represented what I overcame and survived. Although I can’t mend my broken pieces, I am proud of them because they made me glitter like diamonds.

I thank you for breaking me. By doing so, I discovered how strong I truly am. I quit blaming myself because I recognized even though I’m not good enough for you, I am inherently and assuredly good enough for myself.

Today I refuse to become a victim of my circumstances. I am thankful for the opportunity to see through the discomfort, resentment, self-doubt, and insecurity. I decided I no longer have to pretend to be someone I’m not. Because I recognized some people come to stir chaos in our lives so we could learn to dance in the storm.

Thank you to Yana Bostongirl’s thought-provoking prompt— Why I quit blaming myself.

I loved Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles’s response to the prompt which made me smile.

☕ Thank you for dropping by. You can brighten my day with a cup of coffee.