Why I Quit Blaming Myself

Know Thyself January prompt and my response to it — a child should be allowed to remain a child instead of being made to take on the role of a parent

Not all of us have fond childhood memories.

Not all of us are products of happy, healthy family dynamics.

Someone close to me said “Divorce is nothing new. Kids deal with it all the time — and they grow up.”

Could that be their way of rationalizing things?

Just shows they have no clue whatsoever of what a kid goes through emotionally when dealing with their family breaking apart.

It’s not pretty. In fact, it is pretty ugly.

Yes, from the outside, I may be a ‘normal’ adult who has her sh*t together but there are days where the inner child in me wishes with all her heart that my parents were together, that we could celebrate holidays just like everyone else (at least those whom I know).

I often wish we could be a normal family minus the bickering, ego, pride, and rehashing of things that happened a million years ago.

Wishful thinking….

I have worked hard all my life to keep the peace in my family. I used to blame myself for not trying harder to be a good daughter, to act as a mediator, to listen to both sides repeatedly bring each other down, and blame each other for transgressions past — while keeping my sanity intact.

I am tired of taking it all on myself.

Sorry, but I can’t do this anymore.

It is an unfortunate situation but it isn’t my fault that you guys can’t stand each other, can’t stay together.

I quit blaming myself.

Many a time, kids find themselves in the role of mediator in parental arguments which they are neither prepared for nor do they have any business doing. They do it because they believe it’s up to them to resolve arguments in order to keep the family together. The grown-ups should have known better than to drag the kids into their conflicts. It makes the kids wrongly believe that the power of conflict resolution resides with them.

Who then takes on the role of the parent and who becomes the children?

Imagine how f*cked up their sense of normal boundaries are when these kids grow up and start navigating their own relationships!

“The sweet spaces we sink into on the journey of healing are filled with many surprises. We think we mended our wounds and then, boom, something happens and there we are, triggered, angry, and humiliated. Shame overwhelms us because we think after all the work we’ve done and all the time we’ve spent reflecting, shedding identities and rewiring our brain, we’re still reacting” — Diana C.

Holidays are difficult. Especially for those who have estranged💔families. This is my personal experience and not me hating on any who are blessed with loving families.

I’m just saying there are those who try to make the best out of the circumstances they have been dealt with — through no fault of our own.

It’s time to stop blaming yourself for things you cannot control.

So with that, we come to this month’s prompt and that is:

“What are the things I should quit blaming myself for?”

🌸Inviting everyone who feels inspired to respond to the prompt❤️‍🩹 including Art Bram, Julie Gaeta, Victoria Gregg, Hamsalekha, Amy Rosie, Dharan.M, Marilyn Flower, Monoreena Acharjee Majumdar, Christina, Uwem Daniels, Joseph Lieungh, Gurpreet Dhariwal, Walter Pop Matthews IV, Myriam Ben Salem🦋, Anna Woods, Esther George, Juana Flor

🌸Please be sure to include in your subtitle or kicker that it is in response to the Know Thyself Prompt.

🌸If you are not yet a write for Coffee Time, you can do so 👉 here