Friends, Memories, Funny Moments, and Life Lessons

Relationship musings

I was going through one of my boxes of greeting cards (yes I still send and receive them). So many amusing ones — some were birthday cards, some were no-occasion full-of-sarcasm cards; I even had some it’s-a-boy cards from when my son was born.

The cards I love most are from my mom because the greeting card would always be accompanied by a letter. Eyes streaming, I read them whenever I need a pick me up.

As I read through friends’ letters in the rather large collection I hold precious, I enjoyed a wonderful trip down memory lane, recalling instances tucked away in my subconscious memory.

Not all memories are great, though. You would probably want to know why I would keep letters or cards from those relationships but we learn from everything and everyone in life, whether the association has been great or not. Some of these friendships — I am glad to say very few — have been the pits.

Fortunately, today I am able to look back and laugh when I recall those experiences.

I’ve quit blaming myself for not living up to the expectations of others.

The “boyfriend” types in particular. I used to beat myself up over those, thinking I was the one at fault — partly because people couldn’t wait to tell me that in a rather accusatory tone and also because when we broke up, these guys would all settle down with “the one”. What to do? It wasn’t my fault that I did not “click” in that sense with them.

If you are wondering why this so-full-of-myself-ish post — let me tell you that traditionally, women in our families were expected to get married and settle down ideally before they were 22. Okay, even 24 was often considered poised at the point where “over the hill” starts. Can you imagine?

So, over the years, aided and abetted by constant nagging, I admit I have secretly wondered if I lacked something. Was I so hard to pair off? I’ve had some of my friends tell me I am not “girlfriend material”. I’ve mentioned that in the post I wrote about how I met my soulmate. Which truly goes to show that most of the time, good things can come to those who wait.

But that wisdom only becomes clear when the good thing comes — not when we go through the process of impatiently waiting. Although, I should confess that it didn’t really bother me much. Life was too exciting and full at the time.

Still, family-nagging did get to me at times and the refrain was: why doesn’t she go on dates? Why are all her relationships “just friends”? Just because I had “hot” colleagues did not mean I had to be interested in them, right?

Anyway…

I must say that every relationship did spark hope with my loved ones— and they all heaved a collective sigh of disappointment to see it fizzle off with a sad sputter, and in some cases — stutter — desperately for want of something to say.

I am referring to ghosts of boyfriends past. Okay — some were essentially boys and essentially friends — so I guess I am still on the relevance meter. In any case, I no longer blame myself for relationships that did not work out. It took some time, but better late than never, no?

On a lighter note, here are some of my relationship experiences — maybe you have had these too?

When love is blind, deaf (and often turns dumb)

This guy starts off being fantastic. I mean — looks appealing, is great to be with, seems to have a superb sense of wit and humor and in fact, you wonder where the heck has he been all my life? Then you realize that this dude has actually made a career out of being this way and there are, at any given time, at least fifteen women who are wondering ‘where the heck is he?”

These guys are smooth — until someone catches them out. But unfazed, they move on — since there’s no dearth of gullible women. That the women wake up eventually is a different story. Phew!

Love at first sight (but I took a second look)

Introduced perhaps at a party or a group event, this guy impresses all right. At the event, everything seems wonderful and you’re dying to see him again — and wonder, will he won’t he, after stupidly giving him your phone number. Then he does call and you meet and you realize — shucks — there’s nothing to talk about. And you ease off — usually painlessly.

Good buddies turning romantic

This one’s very painful (to me) I mean, is it worth losing a friend for romance? No! But this one’s happened to me. I often think its because a woman does NOT do the things she’s expected to do — like being coy, helpless, simpering, and even shy. These guys who are good buddies get attracted — more so if

a/ they are in a relationship that’s teetering b/ if they make the big mistake of comparing the buddy with the girlfriend.

Sigh. Fortunately, I have been able to redeem almost all my initially good buddies-turned-romantic-but-came-to-their senses.

Begins with romantic intent and turns good buddy

I have to say I rather liked this sort. These guys appear the most sensible — and are great to flirt with because you know they won’t take you seriously, ever. And they stay firm friends. Yep. Some of my 30-year friendships are these.

Fabulous guy wants out of the equation and gets nasty about it

Eww! Everything is hunky-dory — and then the guy meets someone he likes more. Rather than be honest and upfront about it, he does the sneaky thing by finding fault with you, your past, and your present. And then walks out under the false impression that he dumped you.

Am sure, readers, you’ll come up with many more — I’d love to hear it in the comments.

I wrote this post because Yana Bostongirl’s thought-provoking Know Thyself prompt for January 2022 was on my mind — Why I quit blaming myself.

I loved Marie A. Rebelle’s response to the prompt.

and of course, Art Bram’s heartwarming post.

Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles ❤ Did you smile today?

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