Starting Over…

Stories of a Restless Soul

Quote from my journal in 2016:

“I desperately want to travel the world and see the places I’ve only seen in movies. At the same time, I’m afraid the world won’t be as beautiful as I want it to be. I think I feel the same way about love.”

Chapter 1: Milwaukee, WI

I spent most of the first 18 years of my life in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

My family lived in the same house for 17 of those years. I am the youngest by 11 years and my main influences growing up were teenage boys. My sister was in college by the time I turned 3.

We went on regular road trips to visit extended family; not necessarily for the sake of exploring new places, but my dad has always enjoyed taking “the scenic route.”

In 2009, I traveled via airplane for the first time. My sister was graduating from Baylor University in Waco, Texas, where I also felt the intensity of southern heat for the first time. (Spoiler alert: I live in Austin now…)

This is not a story about my childhood, but I wanted to provide a bit of context about my experience with traveling.

I became very restless during my teenage years. I struggled a lot with mental illness, (a separate story) as well as general teenage angst and the heartbreak that comes with a ‘first love.’

On my 18th birthday, I took a train to Chicago by myself just to explore. (Don’t worry, I survived unharmed.)

I had dreams for myself that seemed totally unattainable at the time. I had a very limited perspective of the world and I wanted to change that.

Chapter 2: Nashville, TN

After graduating high school (Class of 2017), my closest friend and I decided to move to Nashville to pursue our creative dreams.

We stayed with her family for the summer; she was getting ready for college and I was getting ready to move into a studio apartment.

Living alone at age 18 in a new place where you have one friend is indubitably a transformational experience.

The opportunity to reinvent myself after feeling suffocated by the mundaneness of my hometown was everything I wanted. (Nothing against MKE but I needed a change of scenery.)

I worked full-time as a waitress and bartender while attending acting and modeling classes where I was able to make connections in the independent film industry.

I worked with students at Nashville Film Institute often and my dream of making movies suddenly became a more realistic goal.

I established a career, made new friends, and learned a lot about myself. Independence was something I had craved desperately.

Supporting myself forced me to be responsible. While I’ve made some regrettable decisions, I now understand that failures are life lessons and perfection is a myth.

There was one situation in particular that became an invaluable lesson in resilience; I was involved in a violent, toxic relationship that traumatized me in ways I am still dealing with now.

I won’t get into the unfortunate details. The point is I felt the need to escape my surroundings. I may have been running from my problems, but starting over (again) seemed like the only option.

Chapter 3: Fresno, CA

I visited California for the first time in 2018 and explicitly expressed, “I am never moving to Fresno.”

If you’re familiar with the West Coast, you may know this city as “the armpit of California,” or a similar, negative assertion. It is hours away from the major attractions in the state, (LA, San Francisco, the ocean) and is a fairly uneventful college town.

My best friend at the time, someone I lived with briefly in Nashville, had moved back to her hometown and eventually convinced me to join her. (Let’s call her “Pickle”)

In November 2019, I packed everything I could fit (including my dog and cat) in my Mazda and drove from Tennessee to California.

Pickle and I planned on saving money to move to a more exciting city on the coast, but then 2020 happened and we both ended up unemployed.

Fun fact! I worked at a basque restaurant called Shepherd’s Inn that was on the show Bar Rescue after shutting down in March 2020.

The most common question I was asked as a bartender in Fresno was,

“Why would you move here??”

“For a girl,” proved to be the best way to answer the question while maintaining an element of mystery.

The truth is I didn’t mind being in a smaller city that was a road trip away from mountains, national parks, and places I had only seen in movies. (Callback to my 2016 journal entry)

After 6 months of mandated quarantine, which for me included numerous road trips with my friends to the vacant coast and a significant amount of cannabis consumption, Pickle and I both started working at an Irish Pub in Clovis: one of those towns where everyone knows everyone.

I realized after working there for about 6 months that Pickle was not going to be leaving Fresno any time soon and I started planning my next move.

Chapter 4: Austin, TX (Population: Full)

Most of my immediate family had moved to the San Antonio area by the time I moved to Nashville, and I was visiting Texas as often as I could.

I especially enjoy being able to spend time with my nieces and nephews and my sister.

Side note: I stayed with my sister and her kids in San Antonio during the summer of 2016 and worked at a Bill Miller BBQ restaurant.

Whenever I visited Austin, I truly felt the energy of the city beckoning me to immerse myself in it. I had the same feeling about Nashville before I moved there.

In November 2021, I became one of thousands of people who moved from California to Texas that year.

I started over again, but this time I was moving close to family. After all the uncertainty that came with the pandemic and other events of 2020, it felt important to be within driving distance of the people I love most.

The opportunities available in Austin also had a major impact on my decision to move here. I became fluent in the language of tour guides, see that story here.

I also recently refocused my energy on my creative career. I have been so inspired by my new friends, many of whom are local musicians, and I plan on staying in Austin until I want to go somewhere else. My plans are as simple as that.

What I love most about this city is that I have felt less out of place here than anywhere else.

Matthew McConaughey famously said, “All you have to be in Austin is you,” and I couldn’t agree more.

Starting over is a very effective way to change your life.

That may seem obvious, but I have met many people who are unhappy with where they are and don’t seem to realize they have the option to establish a completely different life somewhere else.

Maybe some people find excuses to be miserable no matter where they are, but I am certainly not one of them.

I have encountered all kinds of adventures that I never could have experienced without being open to spontaneity. I’ve visited Mexico and 37 out of 50 states, and my travels have just begun.

I have moved every year since I turned 18, including local moves.

I have also lost people I thought I couldn’t live without and learned to cope with that heartbreak.

At the wise age of 24, I can tell you that following my heart has gone very well all things considered.

The serendipitous moments that come with free-spiritedness continue to surprise me. (Including this new endeavor as a writer!)

If I had read this 10 years ago, I never would have believed it was my life. I don’t know what the next 10 years will look like, but I’m looking forward to finding out.

Thank you for reading!

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