SELF-IMPROVEMENT

Space — Not the Final Frontier After All

Day 16, 50 questions for deep self-reflection

This is day 16 of the 50 Questions for Deep Self-Reflection challenge from Know Thyself Heal Thyself created by Diana C.

DAY SIXTEEN: How can you give people space to absorb whatever they’re experiencing without assumption, judgement or projection?

Boy, this question is super relevant and it’s a great one for my particular ‘set of circumstances.’ Man, I haven’t even begun to allow myself to dive into the words and perceptions and I already know that this one is going to be extremely important to me. This one is going to affect something in my life very directly.

Ok, let’s start with explaining what is coming up for me in regard to the connections and consequences of this question. But first, I’m 100% going to choose to procrastinate by getting a coffee. That’s the kind of question this is for me.

Procrastination complete

I am not going to let this question beat me no matter how uncomfortable it is making me. Ok, let’s start with storytime. I have mentioned this in previous posts but for those unaware, I am trans-masc non-binary and recently began Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). In fact, I began that journey four days into this 50-day challenge.

Perhaps you can now see why this question is so relevant to me. But first, a little more backstory. I am a house and pet sitter which means I travel around the country and look after people’s houses and pets while they go away on holiday. It’s a brilliant lifestyle perfectly suited to my writing career. Then, the global pendulum swung! Suddenly, borders were closing and I was doing a mad dash across the country before I was trapped in a state with nowhere to stay. I stayed on an air mattress in a friend's spare room, and for the most part, that’s where I’ve been since April 2020.

I’ve still had a fair few sits in the timeframes of lockdown lifting, and I even had a four-month sit in the country, but my friend’s home has become my base. I’m extremely grateful and we've known each other for years; however, I’ve been dropping hints about my gender journey since the start of the year and they haven’t been met with the most positive responses. So, I’ve held back from telling him what’s going on.

I know, in my heart, that he’ll be ok, but he may need some time. I also know that it’s not my responsibility to minimize my own experience to make sure he is ok. It is pretty simple, really. If he doesn't accept me, then I move on. I know that’s not going to happen. But I also know that he is going to need some time and that’s ok.

So, how can I give him the space to absorb whatever he will experience without assumption, judgement or projection?

I think first, I need to give him the respect of not making assumptions, judgement and projecting. Isn’t that what I’m doing by not telling him? Damn it! Ouch. I’m assuming he will need time. I’m judging his reaction. I’m projecting what I think will happen. Crap!

Ok, this went in a different direction. I was expecting to speak to the need to give him space. To perhaps, speak to him and stay somewhere else for a few days. Why? What was I thinking? Sigh!

How I give him space is by first giving him the respect he deserves as someone I call a friend. As someone that has helped me out so much. As someone who I have known for years. Yes, I know that some of his beliefs and opinions don’t align with my experience, but if he loves me unconditionally, in the only way I deserve to be loved, then his mind will instantly open and we can laugh about it. Likewise, if I love him unconditionally in the only way he deserves to be loved, why am I holding back from sharing with him this thing that is making me so happy?

Well, that happened.

If you are interested in the journey so far — all the days that came before, I’ve collected all the article links here:

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